Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

A bit of reassurance?

You can ring the local authority safe guarding telephone line in your area even if they are with a private foster company

@Diddybeans4 if this is real, then it’s very disappointing that you were shocked for a whole hour and then left with the girl outside. Be honest you just don’t have a back-bone to do what’s right when needed.

I personally would have got up and unlocked the door saying ‘sorry, I can’t leave her out there in the cold, I just can’t, the poor thing’. Then when home report the situation.

If this is genuine as you say it is, then of course you need to report it. Google safeguarding and make a referral through your local council / social services. Also log your concerns with the police. At least that way you have tried to help and no one can say you ignored what you saw,

I would have done the same. Poor girl

Please report her.

I'm sorry but there have been so many well publicised cases where people have seen children being treated with cruelty and neglect and people have seen this and done nothing, often with fatal consequences for the child.
To me it's inexplicable that OP would see this happening to a child and not report it.

She reported it

You done the right thing OP. 👍

I don't know if it's real or not, but even if it isn't, I think it is giving useful advice.

I have fortunately never been in a situation where I have seen these things happening, and I would also struggle to know who to contact if I did. Yes I probably would contact the police in the first instance, but I know I'd be worrying if there was anything else I should do. So all the advice is useful and I have managed to learn a bit more about what to do in such a situation. And I expect others have too.

why on earth didn’t you stick up for the girl there and then?! You just sat back and watch d this abuse for an hour ?

I know she did . I was replying to the pp who quoted my post which I made before OP's update .
I'm very pleased OP did report it.

Why on earth did you stay for an hour after this happened ? Did you simply return to normal conversation?? Wow.

If she's doing that in front of you what is she capable of doing when no one is around.Shocking.

Why are people constantly calling threads out as not real? What am I missing 😂

You did the right thing op, God knows what she does to that poor girl when no one is watching.

Agency foster carers still have children placed with them via the local authority (county council, not town) so yes, they will know who the carers are and which agency they are with. OP has done the right thing by reporting it to the police after processing something awful and realising that a friend has a side that is shocking. If she had done some of things suggested here, what do you think would’ve happened to the girl when she eventually had to leave? Do you think the friend would be happy with the child for “making a scene”?

What you need to do is take the child from the house.
Take her somewhere safe and call the police.
say to the police you were visiting the family and discovered that she is being mistreated.
give examples, ask the girl if she will talk about her experiences.

please believe me, if you report to social services they will not get in touch.
blaming “short staffed”.
I know this from experience.
social services is not fit for purpose.

please help the girl.
you do not want to read about her in the daily mail.

Quite. People don't think.

' OP has done the right thing by reporting it to the police after processing something awful and realising that a friend has a side that is shocking. If she had done some of things suggested here, what do you think would’ve happened to the girl when she eventually had to leave? Do you think the friend would be happy with the child for “making a scene”?'

Yes you fucking report it and you also tell your cunt of a friend that she's a child abuser and you never want to hear from her again. I cant believe you had to ask before picking up the phone, I can only hope this isn't real.

Yes, report them. And then consider who you want as a friend. Sounds like they are doing it for the money. Awful.

Sorry I see you’ve reported her.

It’s good to know there are still some good people like you in this world 💐

Thank you for caring. Also you knew something was wrong so we’re seeking advice here, sorry you got such a hard time when you were trying to help

Don't be ridiculous. She cant kidnap a dc.
Op is rightly reporting what she knows.
The girl is in no immediate physical danger.

Also, a big red flag (aside from the horrific abuse of locking her outside) is locking away food. I have many friends with kids, I have mum friends, I grew up as a child and went to many people houses and not one parent EVER locked food away. You see this kind of behaviour time and time again with abusers. They are not fit to look after a cat let alone a child. How do these people even get to become foster carers. Disgusting. Well done for reporting it to the police