Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

Just because someone has passed the checks to be a foster parent, it doesn't mean they are decent people. Passing all the checks, doesn't mean the person will cope with the realities of being a foster parent either. Bad apples appear in all walks of life, in all sorts of professions.

If your account is accurate, then this is abuse. A child shouldn't be locked out of the house, denied food/water and be banned from parts of the house.

Hopefully, the police will speak to you and investigate further.

The council will still be involved. Report and hopefully they will be investigated and struck off

You say there for an hour while a child was locked outside begging to come in?

Thankfully you've reported it now, but you really need to have a look at yourself too.

If nothing else, I’d report her for discussing these vulnerable children with you.
I have a friend who fosters and they would absolutely never gossip about the conditions and challenges that the children have as it’s a no no.

Of course you need to report it - but you knew that already. I’m glad you reported in the end. Hope the girl is ok and finds a better foster family.

Contact social services at your local council and ask to speak with somebody in Safeguarding

You absolutely did the right thing phoning the police. The welfare of any child is all of our responsibility in society.

hello social worker.

id rather be accused of kidnap to try and keep a child safe.

when I was in a similar situation I told the “parents” that I was taking the child out. I then called police immediately and informed I had the child with me.
if op is friends with this person they could do similar.

something like “everyone is getting a bit wound up, I’ll take her out and everyone can calm for a bit”.

Not really, staying there for an hour let her clarify in her mind, with evidence, that there was abuse that she could pass on to the police as a witness. Saying 'they locked her outside for 3 minutes then I left' wouldn't do much in a report, would it?

Knowing more about this than I'd like, the OP might have made it worse for the child by making a scene in that moment. Think about it, when she left, whose going to get it in the neck? In private? The girl.

I think the OP did absolutely the right thing, quietly observe to collect evidence, don't make it worse for the girl in that moment, then leave and report, which she did.

call the police, NSPCC and report to safeguarding. Doesn't matter who they foster through, someone will work that out .

What is wrong with people?! How can you treat a young person like this full stop. Well done for taking action. Hopefully that young lady is out of there and in a proper caring environment soon.

You genuinely don’t believe that abuse like this of foster children, actually happens? Oh how naive you are….

As a foster carer, please report this to the agency your friend fosters for and the local authority the child belongs to, if you know it. It needs reporting to them more than the police.

Too many people start fostering because they think its easy and it really isn't. These children are complex and need so much time, patience and understanding. It is what they deserve too. It sounds like your friend isn't in it for the right reasons.

If reported there will be an investigation. Your friend may be struck off or may be deemed to need more training and only take children that fit certain categories if the older boy seems to be doing well. If they do that, she will be closely monitored too.

Its so important that matching is done correctly and it seems that has not been done well between your friend and the girl. Thats on the heads of your friend and the IFA and why I will never move to an agency to foster.

Report. Safeguarding team. Social services. Police.

I have reported a potential child abuse to the council before to social services. I was dropping off a bed at a house and the house was just utterly horrific - one that you wipe your feet on the way out. Like one of those horrific hoarders houses you see on the TV but filthy - looked like faeces all over walls and doors and also possibly blood. Child was on a mattress on the floor in a downstairs room and looked just not right - medicated? Social services already knew the family and put a visit in. I cried afterwards but hoped that things would get better for the child.

Everybody has a duty of care to safeguard a child. Everyone has the power to do something.

On a further note - I could not be ‘friends’ with a person like that.

Yes, report your concerns to either the police or, if you know it, the fostering agency,as soon as possible

This thread cannot be real (I fucking hope it isn't real). If it is, you're complicit in their child abuse, sitting there doing nothing while it happens. Report it, now.

How are you even asking this???? You witnessed abuse first hand, sat there through it thus conforming to her it's acceptable and now your questioning if it's OK to let the abuse continue??

The duty social worker in your local authority would be the best to call. There is always one on duty to receive calls like this.

And you sat in your friend's house for an hour whilst a vulnerable half dressed, hungry child with LD was locked outside and did not once say "FFS Jenny, bring the child inside that's abuse".

Thank goodness you have reported it
My parents were like that with me ,and it really does effect you ,maybe not so much at the time , because your busy trying to cope with life ,but later on it sort of comes back to haunt you

I do, but I'd like to think someone wouldn't just sit nibbling their biscuit as it plays out in real time, that the abuser would be so sure of the visitors attitude that they'd do this in front of them and that the person then would question if it was ok to let it continue, which is exactly what "should I report it" means.

If she does this in front of you, imagine what she's like behind closed doors :(

Well done for reporting it OP. Ignore the people on here who think you are making it up - they have obviously lived very sheltered lives.

Go round right now and get that poor girl; and report to everyone possible!