Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

Best of luck with it all - you’re doing the right thing

Hope it goes well with the police, you’ve done the right thing

No, given what the OP has said about this foster couple then the best course of action is to contact the police and let them investigate this - which the OP has done.

People willing to treat a vulnerable child like this should be reported - police, social services and the foster agency should be made aware that this couple thinks it's ok to starve a child and lock her outside in the cold.

Reporting to the police is the correct answer because a crime has been committed. The police have emergency powers to remove the child which the social workers don’t have ( they would need to go for court ). The police will refer the matter to the local children’s social team though and they will share information about the situation and the social
work team will be involved in her ongoing care.

If they are fostering for an agency then they might be looking after a child from a different local authority to the one they live in. If you aren't sure of the agency then you could also report to the LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer) for the local authority they live in, explaining that you aren't sure who they are fostering for. They may have records relating to your friend if they have ever had concerns raised about their fostering before. You can look up the details of the local LADO on the council's website or the website for the local authority safeguarding partnership.

Unfortunately it is down to money. I was fostered in the 70's and 80's. I remember one placement were me and my sister were fed beans on toast, but the foster parents and their young son ate meat and 2 veg meals. In another foster home we had to ask if we wanted a biscuit, and foster mother delighted in saying "no" after making us ask politely. She wasn't always bad, on my sister's 12th birthday she allowed her to choose having a slap immediately or, as it was her birthday, defer it to the next day 🙄 - (DSis had torn her birthday dress running around), she chose to get the slap over with. Our SW knew how we were treated, but it was in their interest to have "successful" placements, and in the 80's it was okay to hand out slaps. FM always managed to give an excuse as to why we were in the bad books.

It breaks my heart that 40 - 50 years later nothing has changed for vulnerable children 💔

Glad you’ve reported this. I hope that poor girl is moved away from them and they get the punishment they deserve.

If this is true, and you sat there, in the same house, for an hour and then haven't reported it since then you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Disgusting

Although they're with a fostering agency the girl will be looked after by the local authority so they'll have her details.

Report them to Social Services immediately! Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and that treatment is incredibly abusive!
Please, if you haven't already done it, do it today.
If you PM me, I can help find the area number etc if you need support. Please do not sit on this, that girl has already had a tough life, she doesn't need to be further abused.

Why do people think it isn't real?

The OP has reported this to the police. The police will investigate and make the relevant agencies aware.

Sorry, my response upthread was meant to be to @Happyjoe , not you @PurpleSheep123

Please report 😢

I don't think people are doubting the fact that the abuse happened, but who would actually think 'nah I wont call the police first, I'll just post a thread on mumsnet and see what they think'

You sat for an hour drinking coffee while the girl was shut out in the cold wearing only a vest and having been verbally abused?

What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you demand your friend let her in?

I wonder about people who can’t see physical and verbal abuse when it’s literally happening right in front of them.

Shame on you OP for not reacting in the moment. Fuck the coffee, fuck your “friendship”. You’re a poor human being.

Wow

You did the right thing reporting. The police will tell children's services anyway

Why on earth did you not say anything when you were there?! You also sat there for an hour while the poor girl was locked outside

I think people are being a bit harsh on the OP. Sometimes people see things and are so shocked that they aren't sure what to think, similar to posters questioning whether the OP's posts is real. OP has sought advice on who best to report it to, and she has now reported it.

Other people who know the foster couple may have witnessed similar and not reported it, who knows?

Unfortunately things like this are very real.

Look at what happened to little Preston.

Well done for reporting. I suppose it's ok to not let her go upstairs if there's no reason for her to be there (are they concerned the boy might behave inappropriately to unrelated girls?), but the rest is abuse.

People who think this can't be real should read Ootlin by Jenni Fagan, who was fostered in a lot of places. Stuff like this, and worse, happens in lots of foster homes.

This is what SHOULD happen, you’re absolutely right, but you only have to read a few SCRs to know that a failure in multi-agency working is one of the biggest findings when a child comes to harm.

You’ve done the right thing by calling the police, but please also call your local multi-agency safeguarding hub. Google MASH and your local area and it will come up.

Don Report this to the agency, put it straight through to Social Care (children’s team)

i would of sat there and rang the police immediately. Make sure you report op.