Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

Obviously this needs reporting and it doesn't matter who to. You could report to the police, their school, social services, any one of those would do something about it to report to the right place.

I know somebody who was turned down for foster care because of some really minor incident with their own DC years ago. The whole family was interviewed as part of the process and the older kids innocently answered a question. It was a typical thing that a lot of parents do to their kids, but they were not allowed to foster due to that because foster kids need to feel safe and secure in their placements.

That girl is not safe and secure and your "friends" are not fit to be foster parents.

Well contacting the council in any place should have been the natural starting point. Please do so asap.

Except that she didn't ask if she should report it. She asked how she should report it. There's a world of difference.

No, she isn't. Try reading her posts properly.

MN abysmal standards of reading comprehension strike again.

FFS this isn’t a soap opera. OP now you have got your advice to act then please do that and no need to tell the poor girls private story all over again the internet.

Are people really thinking this doesn't happen
Dear god
You never know what goes on behind closed doors
The abuse I received,went unnoticed , because the family had money,
The house was massive and impressive,so she got away with it .
And these were my actual parents,who are supposed to have a bond with their child .
I can well believe foster children,were there's no bond have it much worse than I did

Because of what’s in the news at the moment. There’s a massive chance that this is a fabricated story knowing how much it will gain attention. What person would see that happening to a child and stay for another hour chatting and not challenging? And not know whether to report it or not? Yeah ok. If you saw that you’d say something and you’d be on the phone the second you left the house

OP reported it hours ago. Try reading all the OP's posts before you comment.

FFS. OP did not ask whether to report it. She asked how to report it.

Probably "food obsessed" because she's come from a home where food wasn't readily available because of shitty parenting and now they are punishing and teasing her in the same way. If they showed her love and care and that they are a safe, reliable source of structured meals, she would hopefully learn new behaviour. If true, this is terrible. They are not fit to care for these children.

Is that what people are thinking,on this thread
Oh gosh
I'd never thought of that

I’ve edited my post because it was a bit harsh and I see you’ve called the police now OP.

I don't have time for anything other than skim reading today, but thank you for policing me, I felt it was too important not to add my voice to (presumably) other pp saying to report. Have a nice day!

Confronting the friend may drive the treatment 'underground' rather than stop it. Reporting to Children's Services is the best way, although hopefully the Police will do that.

Yes and this is just making it even more ingrained. I’d report her and that would be the end of the friendship. I think I’d happily put my name to that one. In fact, I’d have asked her what on earth she was doing at the time.

You're doing the right thing OP. Clearly you were losing sleep over this and I'm not surprised, it's an awful story. Let's hope they find somewhere safe for the girl.

Please please report them asap to social services, police, anyone and everyone. In light of the heartbreaking sort of baby Preston please do something. This is abominable and she needs removing asap as does her other foster child. Clearly in it for the money and to do it in front of you shows a worrying lack of awareness, what in earth happens when no one there? Please update us as I am worried about this girl

You don't have time to read a couple of short posts from OP, yet you have time to write a comment?

Pull the other one.

You sat there for an hour having coffee while a vulnerable child was locked out in the cold?

There must be a formula which says the likelihood of Cancel the Cheque posts increases by x% after y number of posts on a thread. All because new posters can’t be bothered to read the OP’s posts and updates.

I find a lot of threads deteriorate to become almost worthless after a couple of hundred posts because of this.

I grew up in foster care. You need to report it and end the friendship. If this is what she is doing in front of you it will be worse behind doors. She will have taken on a disabled child as they receive higher money for them. Private foster carers also receive higher incomes from fostering. The amount of carers from private fostering who told me I was just there to pay off the mortgage were the ones who would foster as many as they could fit in their house. The system is so desperate for carers that you can be one with about 8 months of training which is an evening class here and there, and no criminal record. That’s the entry so many people that are not suitable can become one often with money as their only incentive.

Well done for acting quickly and not dithering because she is a friend. Hopefully it is all in hand with the police now. I probably would’ve gone to SS first but I think reporting to either of them is good to get the ball rolling. I’m really shocked at this, I thought foster carers had lots of interviews and training because the kids are already so vulnerable. She clearly doesn’t see a problem with her behaviour or she wouldn’t have done it in front of a friend

Report ,,the thought of my Sen little girl being treatedoke this makes me physically sick . One word PRESTON DAVEY

Literally crying op please report ,,Sen kids are stressful but this little girl has needs that need addressing kindly esp with paid carers