Can I report my friend's treatment of their foster child?

[Diddybeans4]

My friend and her husband registered to become foster carers last year. Since then they have had a teenage boy living with them. By all accounts he's doing really well and has massively improved since living with them.

They recently took on a second placement. This one is a girl. She has some mild learning difficulties and behavioural problems. I don't know exactly what she is diagnosed with.

I went round for a coffee the other day. The girl interrupted us whilst we were talking and started to kick off over something minor. My friends reaction to this was to shout (full in the girls face) and tell her to go out in the garden immediately. Once outside the door was locked by my friend so the girl couldn't come back inside. She kept complaining that she was cold and wanted to come inside. My friend just drew the blind and ignored her. The girl was only wearing a vest top so probably was cold. When I left about an hour later the girl was still locked outside.

My friend also mentioned that the girl is food obsessed. To manage her behaviour, they refuse to give her any breakfast or lunch if she kicks off beforehand. But apparently it's ok because they always give her an evening meal?! She's not allowed to help herself to any fruit or snacks etc either. They are locked away and only my friend and her DH have keys. She's also not allowed to be in certain rooms of the house or upstairs (her bedroom and bathroom are downstairs). The boy is considered well behaved enough to not have these restrictions.

Fwiw they also have two sons of there own that still live with them. Both late teens/early 20's

I was absolutely shocked at my friend's behaviour and attitude towards this poor girl. I wanted to challenge her but was too shocked. They aren't council foster carers (I think they are with an agency? But I don't know which one). But if I contact the council will they know which agency and be able to help the girl? I don't think my friends should be fostering if they are going to treat kids like that

You don't need to find out what agency it is, that is the police's/social services job. Please report with all the details you have given us.

You witnessed neglect and abuse and have heard her tell you about food deprivation as well. You go to the police. You do not warn your ‘friend’ who abuses children. You do not delicately sound out their family that they are ok. You do not protect child abusers.

they can find the agency. You don’t have to do that, this is a police matter.

Oh gosh, this is awful. I'm probably not being much help but wanted to add my feelings. Yes, I would go to the council and see if they can help you. Some people have said to go to the police. That seems to be the consensus. I'm sorry that I can't give any further practical advice. if you haven't done this, I can only hope and pray that you have been in touch with the council. This poor child.

For those saying this can’t be real, it sadly very much can. I was fostered (a long time ago, but the same ‘carers’ were fostering until recently and this kind of treatment was sadly not unusual. I stayed in place for more than a year after explaining very similar issues to social services re food, locks, parts of the house, more significant abuse in the home, etc. They simply didn’t have another placement so left me there. I hope things have changed but the limited placements probably won’t have.
As for the agency problem, they still fall under local children’s services for this kind of thing. You can call children’s social care but they are stretched and may not help in a timely manner. The police may do a quicker job and have direct contact with duty social workers. The school DSL is another option, but as you have a direct account, I agree that the police is more likely to result in fast action. But don’t let them portray to the carers that the child complained - you will need to own this to avoid them taking it out on the child.

The council will be slow as fuck, you need the police and probably social services, anyone who will listen.
If what you’ve written is true that is heartbreakingly damaging for a young person who is extremely likely already traumatised due to the fact she isn’t still with her birth family for whatever reason.
i can’t get past the fact you sat there for an hour while this went on!!! What were you thinking??
Whats done is done I guess in terms of not intervening at the time but you have an urgent obligation to report this as an emergency case to stop this abuse straight away.
your feeling don’t matter here (embarrassed/ worried about friendship) neither do the abusers, what matters is that a vulnerable child is in an unsafe environment and needs getting out of there immediately

Please report to the police and LADO

I’m so sorry that’s happened to you 💔 this whole thread is so deeply upsetting. The thought of adults abusing vulnerable children is truly awful.
sending you a huge hug xx

I don’t quite understand how did you manage to sit there for AN HOUR knowing this poor girl was locked up outside and cold. WTF?
Absokutely report immediately!

Please let us know what’s happened. There’s a lot of people very concerned.

I called the police 101 line. The operator took the details and said they would definitely look into it. She suggested that the officer would call me back in the morning to potentially give a statement

I'm going to bed now but I'll update once I've spoken to the police again.

Oh my goodness, this is just so sad. They are abusing children. WTF did they want to foster when they clearly are shitty people? Money?

Well done you, done the best thing. I hope sleep ok.

Oh, you absolutely must report this.

And you have no way of knowing that they haven't treated the boy badly, too. You say "by all accounts" he's doing really well, but you don't know what he's been subjected to, or if he really is doing well.

That poor girl.

Edit: I see you did report it. Well done you!!! Maybe that unloved girl will go somewhere she actually gets three meals a day. 🤬

Money, power and control. It's all there in fostering, if you're a shit. And giving the poor girl one meal a day is a sure-fire way to make sure you retain more money. Pair of utter scrotes.

You’ve definitely done the right thing @Diddybeans4 . Well done.

Who would even WANT to be friends with someone who abuses a child? By reporting, OP loses this God-awful woman and helps save an abused child. Two bids with one stone.

I think we all know the bad treatment can happen.

That isn’t what people here are doubting.

Just give the names and address and a declscription of what you saw to the police, surely?

Please do report.

Just start a thread on MN, job done.

I cannot believe that there has even been any contemplation whether you should. This is abuse of a vulnerable young person. Full stop. No question it has to be reported. Why on earth would you want to have an abuser as a friend? Report report report. Honestly.

In care or not, fostering or not, agency or local authority carers, this is a child protection issue. You actually need to speak to Social Services ASAP and not just the police. Ask for the child protection team.

I would assume the police will inform Social Services but to be sure speak to the child protection team.

I have had to do this for a looked after child, with a Social Worker from the looked after children’s team. They then had both a child protection social worker and a looked after children’s social worker. They are different roles.

Do this first thing OP.

@ProtectTheDogs that was totally not called for. This poster very bravely shared her terrible experiences and you’ve basically just told her to shut up and her point isn’t relevant. It absolutely is relevant. Sorry that @ProtectTheDogs was so dismissive to you here and sorry to hear what you’ve been through I hope you are doing okay now X

Very much hoping this is made up
If it isn’t, yes report. Obviously

and then take a long hard look at yourself and think
a) who other of my friends have I so catastrophically misjudged as being decent people I want to be friends with
b) why did i need to ask mumsnet about whether a child being mistreated should be report

Your neighbours are not equipped to cope with that complex child.
They are certainly not treating the girl well.

Yes, you need to intervene promptly.
She needs different foster carers.

Can you visit the neighbours and tell them that you noticed that they are not coping? Ask the name of their agency and suggest that they ask the agency for immediate assistance and that the girl be placed somewhere more suitable.

Then phone the agency yourself to add weight to the urgency.

Hopefully their older foster son will not have his stability pulled out from under him.