Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

She’s a bitch! HTH.

Why on earth should she get something else when the friend has been so rude?

Personally,I wouldn’t gift anything second hand but neither would I rant at a friend who did. You had the kindest of motives and your friend should treasure that.

Presumably she bans him from going to the library them as these books have been used too ! I think your gift was sweet

A dear friend bought my little girl some vintage Peter Rabbit books from a charity shop. They were lovely and although old were actually much nicer than some of the modern Peter Rabbit books in print. I thought they were gorgeous and it was thoughtful. Anyone who throws away a perfectly good book has a special place in hell reserved for them.

You are absolutely right. Old children's books are often much better written than new books. And even old classics like Enid Blyton are amended and sanitised when printed today. It's a shame she didnt appreciate it but she does sound like the type of person who uses a lot of anti bacterial spray.

But surely if someone gives you a gift that you don't appreciate you quietly pa

You bought a very thoughtful present for someone who was rude and ungrateful. It’s a shame now that something probably quite rare is in the bin. I think with second hand things you need to pick your audience, having said that she didn’t need to say anything other than ‘thank you’

Is she still your friend? How nasty and pathetic she sounds.

Honestly You are not in the wrong. I cant believe the thoughlessness of your so called friend. Id be so upset in your shoes too. Ask for the book back and drop the friend.

That's a bit weird, I suppose some people are a bit funny about charity shop/second hand items ('don't know where they've been') - but you couldn't know that. So you shouldn't feel bad and your friend was quite rude saying what she did (although if your friendship survives at least you know how she feels about second hand items). Personally we love charity shop finds in my family and some of my grandchildren's favourite books were found in charity shops or school fairs and the like.

Wow. I think you need a new friend. She's rude. Many people would've been over the moon with a book from 1957! Especially Pinocchio! It isn't you who should feel embarrassed, your friend should. But some people have no shame or manners. Your "friend" is one of those. Dump her.

And what about library books? Hundreds of people could have had the book before you took it out. It could have been anywhere!

You did nothing wrong OP, when her son visits the library he'll be reading second hand books there

Totally agree with everyone else that it’s a weird attitude in the first place and very rude of her to say that, rather than quietly give it a charity shop. Trying to be charitable, I would add though that there is a massive culture /industry of parents (ie usually mothers) being brainwashed with a totally disporportionate obsession with bacteria and hygiene. To the point where people start to equate hygiene directly with moral character and feel pressure to have their home as clean as a surgical theatre. (Ironically, there is plenty research to show being overly vigilant can lead to kids having underdeveloped immune systems).

Your friend sounds like a prick. IMO.

This is one of those posts that make me wonder if some aren't just deliberately posted for engagement. Have never had a friend, nor anyone, be so rude as to text and tell me a gift they bought thoughtfully was disgusting. Who even does that? Nobody that's who because I suspect this didn't happen. And if it did, you wouldn't be left needing to ask mumsnet's advice because it would be more than obvious that this isn't something anyone does. If she was so disgusted she'd just have thrown it away and said nothing.

My thoughts exactly! Thick and completely soulless which sadly seems to be the default mental condition for many people these days...😥
It is ironic that the people who could benefit the most from charity shop purchases are the ones least likely to want to even enter a shop and like the OP's 'friend' will turn their noses up at 'secondhand' items! 😏
A girlfriend of one of my Grandsons (from a very 'socially dependent' and I have to say quite dysfunctional 'poor' family) was just like this and one day when we were in town I said I wanted to pop into a charity shop we were passing by and I kid you not, she acted like I had suggested we roll in dog poo and said she wouldn't be seen dead in a charity shop and that buying secondhand clothes was disgusting!! Trying to explain the benefit of buying good quality used items as opposed to the Primark etc cheap crappy 'throwaway' stuff she normally bought for herself and child was completely lost on her as I fear was the actual concept of charity! 🙄

I love books and I’d feel exactly the same as you if I saw that inscription, it’s lovely.

If I’m being honest though, I couldn’t have had it in my house. I have issues with second hand stuff. I don’t judge anyone, I don’t think I’m too good for it, but the thought of it just makes my skin crawl to the point it’s an OCD thing. I know it’s not rational and I wish I didn’t feel like it, but I do. I’d have to either re-donate or throw it away, but I’d never tell you about it because I wouldn’t want to be rude and I know it’s my issue, not yours.

Your friend sounds like a snob. You did nothing wrong.

I’m a sucker for an inscription in children’s books. I love them so much. My daughter was given a unicorn counting book from a charity shop and we both love it!

Obviously she's never been to libraries or used reference books 🙄 Very ungrateful so-and-so, thinking 'gift horse' and all that. Even if she has issues then she should have accepted your gifts graciously even if she didn't let the child have it. I would have wanted it back too, I'm sure there are many children who would have appreciated it.

Your friend is a rude arse and to send that by text. Wow 😳

That's so sad about the book. I would love to receive such a book from so long ago and with the sweet inscription. Your friend telling you she threw it out is really mean. She didn't have to do that. You sound so thoughtful and deserve a nicer friend.

It was an absolutely lovely gift. I’m sorry that your friend didn’t realise that. Hold your head up high. X