Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

Definitely reply with ‘I would have gladly taken it back/ swapped it for a new book; its value was in its unusual vintage nature’. It’s obvious you were not trying to pretend it was a new thing so she’s failed to understand completely. And who says they chucked a gift away! That’s just bad manners.

Your 'friend' is A. Rude and B. Lacking in taste.

Most new children's books are far worse quality than vintage ones, with cheap-looking illustrations that patronise children by suggesting they have the attention span of a gnat.

You bought a lovely vintage item for your friend's DC and she lacked the discernment to appreciate it.

Furthermore, she was rude enough to tell you.

Poor you. What a lovely person you are. Sending hugs to you and all the world’s readers.

God, this woman would have a breakdown in a library. Literally nothing wrong with a thoughtful gift, new or secondhand, and imo old books in particular are collectables and something to enjoy. She was rude, and you did not do anything to be embarrassed about at all.

aaaw that's sad😓

I just got my friend a bunch of second hand poem books, she was thrilled. I would be pleased. Don’t waste money on me if you can get something wonderful from a Charity shop. It’s a cliche but it’s the thought that counts!

OP I don't believe you did anything wrong. I completely understand why you would wish to gift your friends' DS with a classic children's book as the child loves books. It was a very thoughtful gift, and you also gifted him with new books, so really this reaction from your friend is really OTT. I could say more, but she is your friend so presumably you have a special relationship, and if this is a totally unexpected reaction, then I would question my friendship with her for her most unpleasant berating of you.

Probably annoyed and resentful that you bought something sensible and good like a book. She very likely doesn't bother buying books for him and it's annoyed her. Bit like someone going into her house her house and cleaning the bathroom because she hadn't done it properly. She feels slighted and annoyed by it.

That's what I think anyway. I could be chatting shit. I do that sometimes! 😬

Oh and you did nothing wrong @luluxxx It was a nice thought. I think loads of people have second hand books don't they? Half of mine are. They're either from the village hub (where people donate and take books and then return them back there when the books are read.) OR charity shops. I do buy new sometimes, but I give them to my DC, or a friend, or I take it to the hub, or the charity shop.

Tell her it was a rare edition that you bought from an antique shop and that it was worth a few hundred pounds. Watch her go scrambling in the rubbish to get it back.

Ridiculous, ignorant and rude friend. Please don’t think you did anything wrong. She is being an idiot and horrible.

You sound lovely and it was a thoughtful generous gift
Your friend however sounds like a rude ungrateful bitch

its probably an upbringing thing. People who grew up with very little money take pride in having things new. People who are comfortable prefer things that are unusual and have history and character.

She's a twat and I'd be telling her how rude she was.

I love reading actual books. I buy them from charity shops and recycle them back or leave them at various places on holiday. I was in Crete last week. Took 3 books with me, found one left out in the hotel and left all 4 of them behind for other people to enjoy.

Some people don't like second hand.

Next time, buy the book and keep it at your place for anytime children come around.

She was a rude, ungracious snob.

But I also wouldn't have given it as a gift for a friend's child who I was also getting new books for. If the child was a baby, fine, and if I was getting them only secondhand books, fine (have received both happily).

It just feels a bit like the book choice was all about your tugged heartstrings, not, "would this child like this book".

I received and have given plenty of gifts which were more about the giver than the receiver. My MIL gave us a book for our son because it made her cry, but it's a rubbish book and hard to read.

You didn't do anything bad and you acted with good intentions, so it's fine - it's just not a choice I'd have made.

She did do something bad, and replied to you with bad intentions.

What a shame, she sounds a right PITA. Charity shops are so fussy these days I doubt there were any problems with the book.

Don't tell her about the Gutenberg bible,she'd probably chuck that in the bin too.

What an ignorant unpleasant woman! Who throws an old book away?

I wouldn't give her or her son another gift, ever. She had put in a complaint about your gift like she bought it at a shop and isn't happy with what she got for her money. She has totally misunderstood the concept of a gift. Don't give her any more. I wouldn't even bother being friends with this type of person. There are plenty of nice people in the world. Spend more time with them.

I'm the opposite regarding this. I had a fairly basic upbringing (council estate/working class family/very few luxuries/very little surplus income/holidays in a rented caravan on the Welsh coast/didn't go abroad til I was 20,) and I prefer things that have history and character and love a thrift market and a nice big charity shop.

.

Brilliant idea! 😂

OP - I feel your hurt. Sharing the joy of reading is one of the best gifts you can give a child. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

😆Do this!

I would have loved to have received that as a child. In fact I would love to receive it now! I would ask her has she actually thrown it away? it may be just on the side ready to go in the recycling or something? I would want to go and get it for myself if it isn't already covered in potato peelings. I wouldn't speak to her again and I would let her know why. I hope she realises somehow, what she has done. I know books aren't sentient beings but the thought of the history that book has and it being given lovingly and ending up in the bin made me very sad.

What's funny is a "brand new" book from a bookshop could have been "god knows where".
From printers to warehouse distribution.
Distribution to bookshop.
Bookshop back to distribution because the first shop had to many copies.
Distribution to second bookshop.
Bookshop to customer.
Customer back to shop for refund because they accidentally bought volume 2 when they needed 3.
Bookshop to another bookshop because a customer ordered it as click n collect.
And so on.....
The charity shop book could have been on the same house since 1957 and only touched by a couple of people for it's almost 70 year life.
😂😂😂😂

Well I think it sounds like a lovely present and my dc would have been thrilled with it. How thoughtful!
She sounds ignorant and rude.

That’s incredibly rude and wasteful of her. That was a lovely thought by you. Her poor kid.