Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

This is cool - all about a book from a charity shop... https://www.facebook.com/reel/1236336965253259

I also just thought that she really didn't need to tell the OP that she threw the book away even if she did...not only is she a snob (with probably very little in reality to be snobby about?!) but she obviously has little or no respect for a friend's feelings probably not even considering that for several reasons her friend might be upset, nor does she appear to have any soul or intellect and comes across as more than a bit of a narcissist! 🙄😕

Your friend seems to have a low intellectual capacity! If anyone should be offended it should be you by her reaction. How sad The will deprive her son from The Joy of finding/reading an old story/book!! The beauty of books is that they will always remain new,! By that I mean the content of the book is always new to one has not read it! I love books am an avid reader since I was a child! It saddens me that so many children will miss out on the pleasure,the knowledge,the adventure of actually reading books!!

No doubt your friend would turn her nose up at a dirty old Renoir, or a first edition book owned by someone else too. There's just no pleasing some people. The takeaway from this... yes, she's entiled to be as particular as she wishes. It's her life and her child's life whether you or anyone else agrees with her sentiments or not. She could simply have handed back the book to you saying (and it is not perfect), "I am terribly sorry, but I cannot accept this book, but the others you gifted are lovely and very much appreciated". Clearly a step too far for her to acknowledge the positive. Irrespective, that doesn't entitle her to be "in your face rude". She certainly could not be accused of being gracious, or giving consideration to how you might feel!
I think you should now simply take it on the chin, keep it held high and move on to real friends, for she is not one of them, honestly. It is sad for the child, but that's life. I hope you can put this behind you, not dwell upon it and move on. Remember what they say, "There's nowt so queer as folk".

A few years ago I'd have thought it was a bit tight to give someone a second hand present, my in-laws used to do that with my children. However, I've since matured and love a charity shop so I don't see a problem with it now, it's the thought that counts. My daughter used to love Doc McStuffin and it wasn't popular anymore, so difficult to buy new toys here, one Christmas we managed to get her the whole collection of yous from FB marketplace and charity shops and they were her favourite toys.
I can see that the book was a thoughtful gift.

Oh that’s just awful! I absolutely LOVE finding little notes like that in books, it fills me with sheer joy. Also love it when people have highlighted or underlined certain sections so I can see what was important to them.

If it was me I would say I am sorry you feel that way I bought it because a friend looked it up and it was worth £250 due to the year it was printed so I thought it would make a lovely investment for (boys name) but if you still have it I would love to pick it up from you and gift it to someone else lol

you did nothing wrong! You bought some new books and this was an extra one that may go up in value and that is a fact!

even if she didn’t like that one book she shouldn’t have messaged you, be careful of such friends.

Even if she thought it why bloody say it. My ex mil used to buy me shit from boot sales and I mean shit. But I’d never told her .. it was a gift regardless

Books for children is ALWAYS a good thing!!! You did something good! I think, if it were me, I would gift the new books as the present, but then casually mention the other book, that way you can explain the sentiment behind buying it.

Just because a book is old, doesn't make it valuable.
Only 1st Editions are really valuable.

And if it was in any way valuable you wouldn't be giving it to a child, who's still learning how to care for books.

I think you are missing the point.
The point is she is dismissing a secondhand book as "eww.... grubby" yet antiques and (some) old books can be worth £100s or even £1000s.
Would she say "eww.... grubby" if the book was actually one worth £100s 🤔

Your "friend" sounds awful, clearly knows nothing about books. I wonder if she's ever used a library.
I'm sorry that your lovely and thoughtful gift got thrown away, she could have just given it back to you. Rude and nasty.

She was really rude. I love a charity shop and would have no issue with my DDs receiving something from one as a gift. I love finding books with messages in. That being said, I have a few friends/family members who seem a bit judgy when I mention something being from a charity shop so i’d probably not buy a gift from one unless I knew they loved a charity shop like me! Weirdly enough I find some people are anti charity shops yet will happily buy second hand from vinted!

She could've asked if you wanted it, rather than binning it.

You did nothing wrong. It was a lovely gesture and a vintage book as well, how lovely.
Some people are like this with second hand goods unfortunately. As others have said here.
This person sounds vile really. I would cut her off. Very ungrateful, ill educated & unpleasant thing to say. Might be a snob & materialistic. Get the book back if you can.
I had a similar experience, years ago, cut them out. I was wearing a jacket from a charity shop & she was disgusted & said 'wearing dead people's clothes' & charity shops are 'dirty'. I too was hurt * anxiety rocketed. However, I have given a 'Horrible Henry' book to a little boy from a charity shop & the Mother was the opposite & nice about it. I am careful though nowadays though before gifting second hand things. Don't let her get you down or increase your anxiety. How awful. Cut her out.

So true. Narcissist-especially, that part.

I forgot to add, like Cariadm said, sounds like a narcissist-especially. The worse.

Yes. Totally: 'be careful of such friends'.

What a thoughtful, lovely thing you did, prioritizing literature, beauty, and love. Your friend is shallow, materialistic and unfortunately, ignorant. If she wanted to throw it out, she should have thanked you for the present and said nothing, store it in a box for when the child grows up and can make his/her own decisions about what they read, or put it in the trashcan in silence. Of all things that an be wasted like that, plants, and books, are what hurt me most. In 20 year's time, when very few of us have access to printed press, that book would have been a little relic, an antique.

I would give far less gifts to that friend's child from now on. People who mind the price of everything know the value of nothing. I have had similar experiences when gifting, even brand new things that I wish I could buy for myself and I haven't. A tiger eye necklace comes to mind. Very beautiful, quite pricey. My mother in law at the time, (the person on the receiving end) ignorant of its value, (because it came from poor-mouse me), assumed it was worthless. After never wearing it and keeping it for 2 years in a box, she was about to put it outside with a box of stuff to be picked up by whomever, and a friend of her saw it, and wanted for herself, saying "Oh my god! these are real tiger eyes! with a clasp of gold!" Of course my ex MIL immediately reacted and said "oh! really? well, I'm not giving them away". This person broke a lovely iron-cast frame I had gifted her before with delicately pressed dried flowers on the frame "unintentionally", and forgot in a restaurant, the day I gifted it to her, a cashmere scarf I had brought her from a trip to Peru. (I did keep that one). These are passive aggressive acts that show ill will and profound ignorance. your friend did not need to be aggressive.

Maybe be you can tell your friend exactly what you told us: "I'm sorry you did not like my gift for X... to me, that it was a second hand book was not a consideration: the fact that it was an antique, (or will be soon), and it is beautiful, and it has a history behind (the history of the person who read it before), pulled a heartstring, and I wanted share that warm feeling with your child. I would have rather you returned the book to me, instead of throwing it out. I would have loved to keep it. If you still have it, I will be happy to take it back". She should be able to see she hurt you. An apology is in order.

What's that meant to mean?

You did nothing wrong and I would have been happy to receive an interesting old book. I maybe a bit disappointed if it was a regular book that could have been bought new but for something a little different i think its fine and would never have behaved so ungratefully. I know some people are funny about charity shop stuff, pretty sure my Mother has never set foot in a charity shop and would not get away with buying something for her in one. But my MiL and grandmother are not so snobby.

To Newman26,

I'm quoting from The 1stGuru's post about how the friend texted luluxxx & agreeing with and replying to The1stGuru. As in 'totally'-an expression to mean 'I agree/completely'. 1stGuru I believe is saying to 'be careful' or be cautious of the kind of friends you have & how they treat you. 1stGuru (& other posts here) explain if you re read them.

Newman26 post/reply:
I edited it because I made a couple of spelling mistakes I saw shortly after posting.

You’ve got a bit of a brass neck calling anyone else a snob after the way you described your grandson’s girlfriend earlier in the thread.

I think you’re projecting.

I still don't get what you are trying to say?

My comment was not all old books are worth lots of money.
There are places that sell sets of old books by the meter, ie how much book shelf they will fill and look good.

I honestly can't imagine an old kids book retaining any sort of monetary value, unless it was a first edition, at which point it wouldn't be getting given to a child.