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Original poster

Dd stormed out leaving me with her baby

314 replies

doubleredbull · 31/05/2026 23:05

I really don't know what to do for the best for the situation im in, and this may be a bit of a long one.

So, at 13 my daughter started a new school, she's summer born and she struggled to make friends due to established friendship groups. When she did make friends it was ones in the wrong crowd. Her older brother was struggling with his MH so perhaps I took some attention away from her but it was a real juggling act

Her behaviour got worse when she got a bf, she was a lovely girl but very naive and easily led, he was 14 at the time (and dd later turned 14) and pretty much left to his own devices as his mum had a new family. DD’s behaviour got worse after this, he seemed to project all of his attitude onto her and she started acting like I was the worst, bunking off school, smoking weed and being so mean to me and wasn't a nice person to be around. Grounding did nothing, she'd storm out anyway.

Fast forward to last year just after school finished for the summer holidays, dd and her boyfriend went missing and long story short, I found out dd was pregnant. She knew but didn't tell me because i’d “try and control her” she was 25wks but baby was healthy on scans etc and social services didn't seem to have any concerns.

She turned 15 later in the summer and she gave birth in October, he's just turned 7 months old and he's great. She's currently going into school sit her GCSEs so I am helping out briefly whilst she revises and goes into school but I've made it clear after this he's all hers as I have other dc to look after and im studying myself and working pt.

Her bf has really grown up in his defence, he turned 16 just before my gs was born and he got a job whilst also sitting his exams and he talks a lot about wanting to be a good role model for grandson.

I made it clear that dd had to be on some form of contraception if she wanted the bf over to help with baby and she agreed to the pill. Rightly or wrongly I allow him to sleep over whenever as its just not worth the fight with dd I check with her she's taken it and she says yes she has. I'm not naive and I know they're having sex so I've also provided condoms. I know this will be judged by some but either way they would and i’d rather avoid a 2nd child.

However, a few days ago she admitted to me her period was late but was adamant she had been taking the pill. It turns out that she had missed quite a few days but they were using condoms (apparently) I told her if she can’t be sensible he can’t stay over at all (id already banned him the night before exams) as she knows how babies are made and she wants to go to college etc, she then twisted my words and said I implied my grandson was a mistake and ruined dd’s life which I didn't say.

Thankfully dd’s period has came and she came to me this evening and asked if he can stay over and she's not pregnant and neither of them have an exam tomorrow, I said no not after how she's spoke to me the past few days and she carried on asking and saying how she has cramps and he's teething and hasn't slept much the past few days not even naps and said he missed his dad (despite seeing him in the day yesterday). I stuck to a firm no as it's my house at the end of the day and she's spoken to me like crap

She then threw a tantrum and called me controlling and said she won't sit the rest of her exams then and stormed off leaving me with a crying screaming baby who won't sleep and while he has calmed down he's not asleep

Dd is ignoring my texts

I'm at my wits end

OP posts:
KittyEckersley · 31/05/2026 23:13

I don’t have any useful advice but it sounds like such a stressful time for everyone. Maybe think about your priorities right now. You want to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant again and sits her exams.

I don’t agree with being a doormat but I might for the sake of exams say she can have him round if she agrees to keep taking the pill and go on a longer term contraceptive asap.

Right now perhaps I’d empathise over text rather than be angry.

EmmaOvary · 31/05/2026 23:14

I mean, it’s a great big mess but it’s happened. She’s only 15 but doesn’t sound like the most mature of 15 year olds. Would she consider giving the baby up for adoption? Does she otherwise care for him well?

MauriceTheMussel · 31/05/2026 23:19

Who’s been doing the nights with the baby the last 7 months?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
mindutopia · 31/05/2026 23:19

Well, firstly, it sounds like there has been a lot of pointing fingers here, but not a lot of boundary setting and firm parenting going on. She wasn’t led astray by a boy from a bad family. It sounds like you didn’t set appropriate boundaries and expectations for her. Thinking about my own dd at 13/14, absolutely no way would that behaviour have been tolerated. There are very firm boundaries. And she knows it. It sounds like you dropped the ball and you really can’t just offload that blame on everyone else.

Now, that said, it’s time for everyone to have some firm boundaries now. No boyfriend sleeping over, but he can start moving in the direction of overnight ms to give dd a break. She needs to be on a more permanent form of birth control and she needs to finish her exams. Otherwise, she needs to find accommodation and start living independently and parenting without so much support. If she wants the benefits of family help, she has to accept the responsibilities. I’d be putting that in writing.

Also, do you get one to one time with her? If not, I’d be finding a way to have it. She is still young and she needs her mum and you need to build that relationship back up if she’s going to respect you and the guidance you’re giving her.

poig · 31/05/2026 23:22

she’s clearly not able to look after him, so unless you can put your own life on hold to raise him (and you’re completely within your rights not to want to) I’d suggest a serious conversation with social services so a suitable home can be found for him.

PermanentTemporary · 31/05/2026 23:22

What a mess. Your grandson is lucky to have you, I guess.

I don’t think I would worry about being called ‘controlling’ by a 15 year old whose life is in such a state. Yes, you are controlling some of the things that happen in your own house while you care for her son! That’s normal. You’re not her friend, you’re her mother, and she shows zero ability to make sensible choices without your ‘control’. Stay calm, rise above the noise and keep saying what’s going to happen. Your stamina and ability to look ahead are the two best assets she has right now; she’s very close to losing any chance of a decent future without them.

WatermelonSalad1 · 31/05/2026 23:27

My first concern would be that she might try to get pregnant intentionally - is that possible? She might see it as a way to get out of doing other things. And who is raising the baby? Does she think that you will look after another baby?

She really needs to go on some long acting contraception. So one of the options that she doesn't have to take every day

If she objects that then I think she wants to have another baby.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/05/2026 23:28

Implant or injection as she obv can’t be trusted to take the pill

what’s the long term plan ? You look after baby while she finishes school ? Then what ?

are you happy to look after for longer or will dd not get a job

well done for bf for getting a job and stepping up

I don’t think I would ban him and I would let him stay as long as their are rules and boundaries in place

pizzaHeart · 31/05/2026 23:28

I don’t have any advice but hope you get through exams period and things get better. It sounds really tough for you.

Kub1aKhan · 31/05/2026 23:30

Realistically you both need to think very carefully about the future. Looks like you’ll be the de facto parent when dd can’t cope or puts her needs above her son’s. Very tough for you both but your dd is still a child.

Floppyearedlab · 31/05/2026 23:31

Thank heck that poor little boy has such a good and sensible grandmother looking out for him. His feckless parents are too busy being immature and selfish to care about him.

Easy to make a baby, way harder to raise one ehh.

fashionqueen0123 · 31/05/2026 23:33

Have they gone to his parents house? I’d go there with the baby.

tillyandmilly · 31/05/2026 23:33

I feel so sorry for the child - your daughter needs to start acting like an adult -

PermanentTemporary · 31/05/2026 23:36

But she’s not an adult. She’s an immature 15 year old. Acting like an adult (or her idea of an adult) is what’s got her into this mess. She needs to act like a child.

Original poster
doubleredbull · 31/05/2026 23:39

Dd has done all the overnights since grandson has been born along with her bf when he stays over (not every night as like I said I banned him when they have exams the next day and he works until 10pm some nights so he'd be disturbing everyone). She was lucky that he was a good sleeper but then he was unwell and teething and his sleep and routine has gone out of the window and he doesn't sleep until late and then doesn't wake up until 11/12pm, dd blames the fact he's teething but she shows no intention of trying to fix it as she puts him down at 6:30 like normal but wakes 2 hours later. Apart from that she does seem to care for him ok apart from the fact she doesn't really take him out anywhere but she does interact with him but she also does thinks I don't agree on

OP posts:
Labibibabibidum · 31/05/2026 23:43

He doesn’t stay over until she’s past the interim period of a long acting contraceptive. Plus a conversation with social services about what will happen if she continues to walk out on her child. You’ve done more than most would, she needs to get a serious reality check hard and fast. She would be taken into care until she turns 16 and what about her baby? She doesn’t even realise that the support you’ve been providing her means that she could get through her exams giving her a good chance at a career for herself and she’s taken the mick completely with the pill. It’s time to come down hard, past time in fact. Her brain is nowhere near developed and she’s making very silly decisions even given the situation she’s now in. Unfortunately it looks like you as the only responsible adult need to make some hard choices for her now in order to safeguard her baby.

MNLurker1345 · 31/05/2026 23:44

EmmaOvary · 31/05/2026 23:14

I mean, it’s a great big mess but it’s happened. She’s only 15 but doesn’t sound like the most mature of 15 year olds. Would she consider giving the baby up for adoption? Does she otherwise care for him well?

Why would you suggest to a grandmother who is holding her grandchild while her young daughter has walked out, adoption.

I just don’t get that!

OP, it is hard but you are going to have to stand up to this. You are parenting your daughter and grandchild. There is not going to be any great mothering epiphany from your daughter, she is to young.

The important thing is that she does her GCSEs,
you keep her and grandchild close and bring them up, whilst teaching her all that a 15 year old needs to learn. It is not to late but she needs you.

Text her and ask her to come home and
tell her you are not angry with her and that her baby needs her.

Italiangreyhound · 31/05/2026 23:46

Sorry this sounds very tough.

Could you have some family mediation to help her see that this is quite seriously reckless behaviour.

Heronwatcher · 31/05/2026 23:51

I think you need some professionals involved here. You’ve been holding the fort but it’s going pretty badly. She’s already had a pregnancy scare, sounds like the baby has virtually no routine (do you really mean the baby sleeps until midday?), she doesn’t take him out and she pushes your boundaries and then walks out on him and won’t answer messages. She’s just not mature enough to be a good mother. If you leave it to her your poor GS will suffer.

Realistically it sounds to me that the best thing for your grandson at the moment would either be for you to become his primary carer, or foster care whilst he’s young and doing well.

If you want to give your daughter another chance, you need to get social services involved asap to support her and have some difficult conversations about the baby. They could also offer support like parenting classes. As others have said contraception also needs to be changed asap.

ChickenBananaBanana · 31/05/2026 23:53

I'd call social services. You can't just walk out on a baby FFS. What would she do if you wasn't home?

Heronwatcher · 31/05/2026 23:55

Yes I’d also text both of them saying that unless one of them comes to collect their child within 20 mins you’ll be calling adult social services’ emergency number and delivering the baby to them.

tinyspiny · 31/05/2026 23:58

ChickenBananaBanana · 31/05/2026 23:53

I'd call social services. You can't just walk out on a baby FFS. What would she do if you wasn't home?

Exactly . This baby deserves better .

MNLurker1345 · Yesterday 00:00

Heronwatcher · 31/05/2026 23:55

Yes I’d also text both of them saying that unless one of them comes to collect their child within 20 mins you’ll be calling adult social services’ emergency number and delivering the baby to them.

Would you really do that to your grandson. Is he so dispensable because he has a teenage mum.

Purplerubberducky · Yesterday 00:00

Shit. She’s so young:( but what’s done is done and she needs to understand the reality that having a child does to a certain extent “ruin your life” and surely he wasn’t planned? I would be absolutely devastated and no way in hell would bf be staying over. Especially not now. They have proved that they can’t be trusted to be responsible and she is a CHILD. She doesn’t seem scared enough about the possibility of another pregnancy, maybe she’s been given too much freedom and had too much support? She obviously needs support but she also needs to understand the seriousness of the situation. She’s definitely had too much freedom up until now and now is the time for boundaries and being “controlling”. I would have a very serious conversation about what led to this and that now things need to change and you are doing this for her AND GS.

Anarchy99 · Yesterday 00:03

She is clearly incredibly immature. Presumably when (because it sounds like when rather than if) she gets pregnant again, you will be expected to be responsible for that one too. To not say anything for so long shows how she’s not mature enough to look after herself, let alone babies. The fact that she had a pregnancy scare again indicates that neither of them are using contraceptives responsibly.

As hard as it is, tell her you will report to social services (and be prepared to follow through).