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Original poster

Should I cave and pack for my husband before our family holiday?

189 replies

KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 10:13

going on holiday tomorrow and DH has gone camping with youngest for the weekend, after going mountain hiking Friday. And potentially heading out for a fun activity tonight (one I can’t do as I’m injured).

He’s not contributed anything to the planning of the holiday (booking it, airport parking, shopping for bits, thinking of kids entertainment so they’re not stuck on screens, organising the dogs home stay, booking seats together so our kids aren’t next to strangers, etc etc).

I really don’t want to pack for him but I do t know when he is going to find time. I’ll be packing for myself and the kids (too young to pack for themselves), would have spent the day washing, sorting house etc. he’s usually good and does do a lot around the house, does a lot of housework, takes kids to school etc. but mental load is all mine and I’m sick of it.

if I don’t pack his stuff I take the moral high ground but it know from experience it will make leaving more stressful as he will be chucking things in last minute in a panic and I’ll get resentment on holiday if he forgets anything. His bloody mother packs for his dad and he’s sees that as the norm. Part of me wants to cave for an easy life and to not have arguments. But another part of me is screaming don’t you fucking dare.

Thoughts…

OP posts:
WonderfulSmith · 31/05/2026 13:24

I take charge of the washing in our house so I would check if there was anything he needed washing but after that it’s up to him.

Totaldramallama · 31/05/2026 13:40

Don't. Once you cross that bridge it's hard to come back. How unfortunate he's having too much fun to find time to pack.

Once, pre DC, DH went out and got wandered, had about two hours sleep then we had to get up to get to the airport. He packed that morning. He took a few pairs of pants and one t shirt and pair of shorts. It was Barcelona but in December 😂. He survived. He had to go to a shop but luckily shops exist in other countries

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 13:44

I remember a woman saying that "men wonder why women go off sex with them,....... when they try to turn them into their mother, it really isn't hard for women to understand how sex with ANOTHER dependent, just isn't appealing".

So true.

missipop · 31/05/2026 13:56

In your case OP I agree with the comments saying your husband should do his own packing because of your specific situation.

I’m older and I’ve always packed for my husband even when the children were small. He would willingly pack for himself but I just like things to be done a particular way and feel calmer and more organised if I do it. He doesn’t ever expect me to do things, I suppose I just like to do them. On the other hand he is lovely and would do anything for me to help if I wanted him to.

PurpleThistle7 · 31/05/2026 13:56

I wouldn’t have any idea what to pack for my husband and wouldn’t want him touching my packing. I do think though if he was camping with our kids all weekend I’d offer - but probably not as he can surely pack in 20 mins or so and do a better job than I would.

WhyCantISayFork · 31/05/2026 13:57

Just because his mum does it for his dad he thinks that’s the norm? Does he know a single other person that this would be true for? I have never and will never pack for a grown man.

willowstar · 31/05/2026 13:59

My ex husband was like this. Started packing 10 mins before we were due to leave. I did EVERYTHING else from planning, booking, paying for the holiday, sorting all laundry, packing for children etc ...

It would never have crossed my mind to pack for him.

SleepsAThingOfThePast · 31/05/2026 14:01

No I wouldn't. I do pack with dh as he often miss matches his clothes as he's color blind so he'll say for example what top with these shorts. But no I wouldn't do it for him.

GrannyGoggles · 31/05/2026 14:03

After 40+ years I pack for my husband. I pack the things that he has carefully thought about and put on the guest bed. He’s given a laundry dead line as I do most of the washing, needs to be in the basket by x day or may not not be done.

An adult needs to contribute to the boring bits of holiday. Every couple will have their own way of doing things, but maybe push back on the expectation that beautifully organised suitcases are a right for functioning adults, especially those who’ve just had a weekend of jolly excursions

Mischance · 31/05/2026 14:04

Not doing it might get your holiday off on the wrong foot.

It sounds as though he is an involved father and helps at home, and he has just taken DS on a weekend outing. As he does not really have time now this holiday to do the packing I would simply do it, but maybe later say you would like him to do it in future.

I used to take on all the holiday planning when my DC were young. I once said to one of my adult DDs that I have always done this and it slightly marks me and her reply was that she too also does this but does not resent this as she feels she is good at it and thAt her OH takes on other things that he is good at.

It comes to something when your own children start teaching you forbearance!

I hope you all have a lovely holiday.

Mischance · 31/05/2026 14:05

Marks, not marks

Mischance · 31/05/2026 14:06

It won't let me write narks .... grrrr

Besidemyselfwithworry · 31/05/2026 14:06

sammyspoon · 31/05/2026 10:17

Hell no. Don’t do it.

To be honest it would take me about 20 mins to grab what my partner needed and shove it in a bag so although it’s lazy on his part I’d just get on and do it!

rwalker · 31/05/2026 14:06

I’m on the fence sounds like he pulls his weight house and kids wise and he’s taken in of kids camping for the weekend
middle ground leave case out and get some stuff out and tell him to finish it

vanessashanessa99 · 31/05/2026 14:08

I do not have the temperament to be with someone like this. I already have 4 children, I don't need another.

notacooldad · 31/05/2026 14:08

I cant get past the idea of men having someone pack for them.

Never in 35 of being with Dh have I never packed. I offered once but that was he was only because stuck in a traffic jam 120 miles from home and we were meant to be leaving once he got home. He said ' dont be so bloody stupid! Im capable of packing a case quickly' and he did
.
Presumably the date of the trip wasn't a suprise and he knew he was going out and also having fun tonight so then the packing should have been done days ago.

(Packing is no more than a 15 minute job for any competent adult
Im clearly not a competent adult!)

diddl · 31/05/2026 14:11

About a week before a holiday I ask if there's anything that needs a wash beforehand.

I feel I've earned a gold star for being that thoughtful😂

ItsNotMeEither · 31/05/2026 14:11

I’m the holiday planner, I do tell DH everything I’m planning, but it won’t register until the night before leaving. He will ask where we are going and what the weather will be. These are international trips, not just a weekend away.

He packs his own stuff!

If he forgets something, tough luck! The only items I will double check he has is a hat and his passport.

TheDenimPoet · 31/05/2026 14:11

He needs to not do the "fun activity" tonight so he has time to pack. You can't just blindly stumble through life doing fun things, assuming someone else will do the boring things - because that's what he's doing!

Deadringer · 31/05/2026 14:12

I came on to say hell no but reading that he is away with your youngest and is generally good around the house i would probably do it, for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Or I would at least make sure that the clothes, swimwear and underwear he is likely to need are washed and ready to pack. My dh would do the same for me in those circumstances.

TroysMammy · 31/05/2026 14:15

Don't do it. Do they still ask at the checking in desk "did you pack your suitcase yourself?". I couldn't live with a liar.

measuretwicecutonce · 31/05/2026 14:19

I have never packed for DP or anyone else. No one has ever packed for me. I would hate it - how would they know what I want to pack?! It would not cross my mind to think about this and neither would I be texting to say I wont be packing for them.

Why do (mainly women it seems) think like this? It would never be on a man’s radar to pack for someone else surely? We are all adults and responsible for ourselves.

Why are you infantilising him?

Motherbear44 · 31/05/2026 14:19

The thread has prompted two memories.

Last time I went on a trip with DD (who works long hours/has long commute), I was getting stressed about it being 10 pm, we were leaving for the airport by 7 am and she had not started packing. I would not have considered packing for her. If she was going to have 2 hours sleep so be it. It worked. Why should the husband in question not do the same?

I still carry the mental anger of something that happened during my maternity leave when DH got angry because he had come home to lunch and I had prepared the wrong number of eggs. Mumsnet not there to help me out 35 years ago. I cooked the extra bl*y egg. I retold DH the other day as we were playing with baby grandchildren. His comment was "why did I (ie he) not just cook the egg?" . Yes DH why not indeed. Men can evolve. Just as woment have learned how to open a door and use a power drill, men can learn how to pack a case.

measuretwicecutonce · 31/05/2026 14:22

I have no idea why my DP not having his case packed for him would get the holiday off on the wrong foot. For him it might but perhaps next time he might be a bit more grown up and organised?

Did he pack and organise his little jolly weekend away with his mate? Will he unpack, wash and put everything away when he gets back?

Nogimachi · 31/05/2026 14:26

I have never, ever packed for my husband.

However, if you have done so before it might look petty not to when he has taken your youngest camping, presumably getting them out from under your feet so you can do holiday prep? I think I’d at least have a conversation. Mine would go - can you please pack your own holiday stuff? It’s too equated with packing for a child for me, it’s a real turn-off.