Should I cave and pack for my husband before our family holiday?

[KronkeyCroc]

going on holiday tomorrow and DH has gone camping with youngest for the weekend, after going mountain hiking Friday. And potentially heading out for a fun activity tonight (one I can’t do as I’m injured).

He’s not contributed anything to the planning of the holiday (booking it, airport parking, shopping for bits, thinking of kids entertainment so they’re not stuck on screens, organising the dogs home stay, booking seats together so our kids aren’t next to strangers, etc etc).

I really don’t want to pack for him but I do t know when he is going to find time. I’ll be packing for myself and the kids (too young to pack for themselves), would have spent the day washing, sorting house etc. he’s usually good and does do a lot around the house, does a lot of housework, takes kids to school etc. but mental load is all mine and I’m sick of it.

if I don’t pack his stuff I take the moral high ground but it know from experience it will make leaving more stressful as he will be chucking things in last minute in a panic and I’ll get resentment on holiday if he forgets anything. His bloody mother packs for his dad and he’s sees that as the norm. Part of me wants to cave for an easy life and to not have arguments. But another part of me is screaming don’t you fucking dare.

Thoughts…

You seem unsure when he'll find the time BUT also say he's "potentially heading out for a fun activity tonight". There's his answer -- he doesn't go out again unless he's packed. It's simple adult behaviour.
I'm gobsmacked to hear there are women that pack clothing, toiletries etc for their husbands.

He needs to pack his own things, that waybhe can't moan you've forgotten his favourite top, but wrong shorts in and haven't packed enough underwear.

Do the packing. It will be in your interests to do so. A lot less hassle, fuss and so on. You cannot change the habits of a lifetime overnight.
If you want him to start doing his own packing then begin to introduce the idea when you get home for your next trip.

I wouldn't necessarily pack for him but I'd make sure his clothes were all washed and dried while I was doing my own. That way he can grab stuff quickly before he goes out in the evening.

DH would do exactly the same for me though! I've never understood these wives who pack for their husbands as though they're incompetent children, but in your case it just sounds like teamwork.

No, do not pack for him. This is how we end up with so many useless men and then people complain about them being useless. If he wants to pack last minute, that's on him. I'm a last minute packer, no one swoops in to rescue me and I manage just fine.

I pack for both as I have a fear that a suitcase will get lost/delayed so I make sure we both have stuff in each others cases just in case.

saying that though, he has everything ready of what he wants to take, from swim stuff to evening wear to underwear - all I do is pack it

Suits us

“DP, here’s a list of what I’ve packed for me and the kids, so we don’t duplicate when you pack. Remember, we’re leaving tomorrow at X time to get to the airport. Here’s your case, remember you have X kg weight allowance.”

I would have no idea really what clothes my DH would want for our holiday ( other than not heavyweight jeans and jumpers) but I’d ensure the washing was done and available. If I was asked specifically to iron a couple
of t shirts I would do that because he does mine too but other than that no. If he heads out the door for the activity I would 100% say “ when are you packing “ to flag up that “ I am not doing it “

If we go aboard, I do pack for everyone (myself, DH and our 2 DDs) because I split our clothes over several suitcases, so we all have clothes if one case goes missing. But everyone sorts their clothes beforehand so I know what to pack!

If you’re doing things like packing a grown man’s suitcase for him no wonder he leaves everything to you

I agree. It shouldn’t be needed but sadly you’ll be the one who suffers from the fall-out. It’s not worth it.

I do pack the suitcases but I dont choose everyone's clothes so the kids and dh do that part and then I distribute everything between the cases.

Yes I agree with the list idea and make a basic list for HIM so that he can choose what he needs from the list but DONT pack for him.

The list can be used lots of times, over & over again if you keep it, but it’ll be his responsibility to use it & pack for himself.

**I have a list for myself. I keep it stashed. It’s invaluable.
Capitals for emphasis. (Not shouting.)

Do you not enjoy booking holidays? It’s one of my favourite things to do. Also, not wanting to lesson your obvious burdens, but isn’t selecting the seats in the plane a part of the booking process and takes two clicks and again booking airport parking isn’t exactly rocket science. I’d suggest taking a youngster camping is far more full on than the 45 mins of effort that you’ve mentioned. I wouldn’t pack for him, because I’m not his mother, but I also wouldn’t consider booking a family holiday onerous in the slightest.

I’m a last minute packer, but not once has my DH packed a case for me and I’d be annoyed if he did.

I haven’t for years. It bothered me. I stopped.Since it’s not actually my responsibility I don’t mind offering now, but DH always says no (and gives himself enough time and planning to do it right) .

I’ve never in my life packed for dh. He’s a grown arse adult who can go organise his things. If he forgets anything, that’s on him. Also, I don’t wash his clothes either, he does his own. I work full time too and he has the luxury of working from home, so he can put his on then. I do mine and DDs at the weekend.
He needs to do it. If he forgets anything, that’s on him to sort out. He can’t be doing the fun stuff and then leaving the drudge to you.

I very much dislike booking holidays. I miss the days of walking into the travel agent’s and having them do it for me. Now it’s hours and hours of online research, trying to get the best place/hotel/price, endless reading of reviews. Zzzzzzzz

I pack my stuff, he packs his. He also packs any of the adaptors, chargers, small fans, and all the remaining bits and bobs. Including holiday details.
He packs more than I do. And is way more organised.

I hate the online stuff too. I loved picking up a load of brochures and ploughing through them.
People say the internet makes life simple. It often makes it far more complicated.

Excellent! Turn the weaponised incompetence back on them.

You can still go to the travel agents. My friend is a travel agent in a high street and still has plenty of people who book holidays with her.

I’ve never heard of packing for another grown adult until I came on mn. With good reason as it’s batshit.

i can’t even imagine that any adult I’ve ever met would even have any assumption that someone else would pack for them.

Will he even say to you ‘can you pack for me’ or just assume.

The whole thing is just odd.

It would never, ever cross my mind that I would need to pack anything for a grown man. I don't understand why you're even considering it.

When we go away on a summer 10 day or two week break we take 3 55cm suitcases. Everyone assembles their clothes and I pack them over 3 suitcases so that each one has some clothing for each of us in. This year will probably be a bit different as DS is at uni and is working on placement where he's studying over the summer.

The reason I pack across the suitcases is that if you lose one you are not left with one person having lost all their stuff.