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Original poster

Should I cave and pack for my husband before our family holiday?

189 replies

KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 10:13

going on holiday tomorrow and DH has gone camping with youngest for the weekend, after going mountain hiking Friday. And potentially heading out for a fun activity tonight (one I can’t do as I’m injured).

He’s not contributed anything to the planning of the holiday (booking it, airport parking, shopping for bits, thinking of kids entertainment so they’re not stuck on screens, organising the dogs home stay, booking seats together so our kids aren’t next to strangers, etc etc).

I really don’t want to pack for him but I do t know when he is going to find time. I’ll be packing for myself and the kids (too young to pack for themselves), would have spent the day washing, sorting house etc. he’s usually good and does do a lot around the house, does a lot of housework, takes kids to school etc. but mental load is all mine and I’m sick of it.

if I don’t pack his stuff I take the moral high ground but it know from experience it will make leaving more stressful as he will be chucking things in last minute in a panic and I’ll get resentment on holiday if he forgets anything. His bloody mother packs for his dad and he’s sees that as the norm. Part of me wants to cave for an easy life and to not have arguments. But another part of me is screaming don’t you fucking dare.

Thoughts…

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/05/2026 11:42

I can’t be arsed trying to balance out the “mental load”. Paying bills (direct debit so one and done), organising kids clubs, buying food are all part of being an adult and running a household. Whichever one of us gets there first does the job.

I like holidays, so I book them, DH likes odd weekends away so he books them. If I’m packing and his stuff is there I’ll put it in a case while doing my own, if not he’ll sort it. Similarly he’ll put my stuff in a case if I’m tied up with other things. We come and go with each other.

If you leave him to do it, don’t let yourself get stressed or resentful about it - just let him get on with it.

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 11:43

How can you stomach such a selfish lazy loser?

Your future is going to be so miserable if you don't stop and drop the rope.

From a young age I taught my children to pack.

We counted out how many days we were away and packed socks, underwear, tee shirts and shorts for every day.
A warm top, sandsls and runners.
They each had a small wash bag.

Yes it took a little bit of time the first few times, but from an early age, maybe 8, they were packing for themselves.

It was so great when they hit teens.
If they forgot something, they learned from it.
We would do it a good week earlier, so not last minute, with fresh toothbrushes packed etc.

Mind yourself OP, he clearly won't.

AImportantMermaid · 31/05/2026 11:44

I think we are insulting men when we take over relatively easy, boring, personal jobs that they could easily do themselves. Things like laundry, ironing, or buying clothes (don’t mind a joint shopping trip or picking up some socks if requested in an emergency) are all things that anyone over the age of 10 can comfortably do. We are infantilising them and taking away their agency and choice. My kids do their own laundry and packing. Why wouldn’t my partner?

Thunderdcc · 31/05/2026 11:45

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2026 11:32

If I did a kind thing for someone else in a hurry and packed for them, and they dared to express any kind of negativity at what I packed - I wouldn’t be in a relationship with them. I can’t see how that would be nicer than being single.

Show quote history

It probably depends on your DH but mine is always telling me that certain pairs of swim shorts are too big / too small / not comfortable / fall down - and I don't retain any of it because my head is too full 😅 but it would be unfortunate to prove I haven't been listening!

We do what a PP says. Pack across cases so that if one gets lost it isn't a disaster. Kids have been collecting up what they want to take since about 9yo and I sense check it and then we leave DH to show off his excellent spacial awareness and pack it all 😁

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 31/05/2026 11:45

I would and I always do because I think that it is better for one person to do it. My husband is disabled and so can't but even if he wasn't I would still do it myself.

pickywatermelon · 31/05/2026 11:47

I wouldn’t even be thinking “DH hasn’t packed” … that’s his stuff, he’s an adult

DC pack for themselves - give them guidance on how many days, what temp to consider but the rest is on them with a bit of a “did you put enough pants in / toothbrush..” etc at the end and DC2 is 9 so any adult should frankly be doing this themselves

AuDrusilla · 31/05/2026 11:50

OuEstLaPlage · 31/05/2026 10:40

“DP, here’s a list of what I’ve packed for me and the kids, so we don’t duplicate when you pack. Remember, we’re leaving tomorrow at X time to get to the airport. Here’s your case, remember you have X kg weight allowance.”

Er no

"Ive packed for me and kids" is all she needs to say.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/05/2026 11:50

Savvysix1984 · 31/05/2026 10:25

Don’t pack for him. If he’s anything like my dh he’ll be done in 10 minutes. It’s not exactly a hard or time consuming task.

My dh ditto. After a lot of business trips he has it down to a fine art, 20 mins max, and only ever takes a carry-on, even for 3 weeks!

fairislecable · 31/05/2026 11:52

As a SAHM ( to 4 kids )I did ALL household tasks cleaning laundry etc my DH occasionally worked away for a couple of nights in the week, I did his packing.

One week he returned home furious as I had omitted to pack his swimming stuff!

Calmly I pointed out how was I to know the hotel had a pool? So I agreed that in the future he would make a much better job of it than me.

45 years later I still do not pack for him.

fantam · 31/05/2026 11:53

Men can pack in ten minutes as said by pp. They take as little as possible. If they need something they buy it there. That's my DH. I am taking lessons and getting better at minimal packing now too. We don't need half the stuff we bring "just in case" since most of us are not going to Outer Mongolia!

Motherbear44 · 31/05/2026 11:53

OuEstLaPlage · 31/05/2026 10:40

“DP, here’s a list of what I’ve packed for me and the kids, so we don’t duplicate when you pack. Remember, we’re leaving tomorrow at X time to get to the airport. Here’s your case, remember you have X kg weight allowance.”

I would do this. It is a bit passive aggressive tbh but it is a useful strategy nonetheless.

I have not packed for anyone else since the girls were in their early teens. I don’t want to be blamed for not bringing something.

For myself I have a list on my phone and all the “forgettables” like phone chargers and sunscreen are always in the bag when I arrive.

WildLeader · 31/05/2026 11:56

I would text him to ask if there is anything specific he needs washing etc for the holiday, so it’s ready for him to pack when he gets home.

bloke packing IS simpler than women’s packing, so seeing as he’s done so little for the holiday, he can pack for himself

my OH packs for himself. Moans that I don’t hold his passport for the journey 🙄 … erm, you’re an adult! Carry your own passport ffs!

that said, he never thinks beyond his needs, so chargers, extension cables and other equipment is left to me. I do get somewhat irked when he quibbles over me loading some of this stuff goes in his bag to spread the weight.

AuDrusilla · 31/05/2026 11:56

Im ok to put stuff in suitcase, but not picking out what goes in it.

SockPlant · 31/05/2026 11:56

Everyone in our family (and probably all my friends) know that i hate packing and so i will do mine and nobody else's.

When DC were small, DH and i used to pack their things, because 2 heads are better than one and we'd be less likely to forget something that way (I am also a list lover so we had a list that we regularly updated and packed from that). As soon as they were old enough to understand packing the DCs joined in packing with supervision at first.

I am good at packing. Excellent. But i never interfere with anyone else's packing unless they ask me and then i will only direct and advise.

Good luck, OP!

grrrlatrix · 31/05/2026 12:01

I just could not respect my husband if he didn’t pack his own suitcase! It’s so feeble!! Urghh!

Frillysweetpea · 31/05/2026 12:05

I pack for my husband and sometimes feel like a bad feminist and control freak but not enough to stop! It started because he was so bad at it and would just chuck in whatever came to hand. It would irk me that he had nothing decent to go out to dinner in so I started doing it. He isn't bothered one way or the other. I don't like long distance driving and he does so it seems kind of fair I do the pre-holiday prep and he does that. He does all the daily cooking, washing up and shopping, too, whilst I deal with the laundry and life admin (we have a cleaner) so at holiday time I can pace the washing, ironing and packing to suit myself. I think if the overall load is fairly split we shouldn't get our knickers in too much of a twist over any one task. In OP's case, if a one off, definitely not worth fretting about. NB The DC, now adult and both sexes, all know how to wash, iron and pack for themselves and DH does his own if going away alone.

Squirrelchops1 · 31/05/2026 12:08

I'd ensure all washing was done but no, I never have nor will pack for my partner. He works away 4 days each week so at times he needs to be organised the weekend prior to a holiday. He's never failed yet.
He does say im a last minute packer but as I've said to him I'm sorting the holiday, the airport parking, rental car, insurance, visas if needed, innoculations, sun creams and meds, the dog etc etc. All he has to do is pack and drive.

PepsiBook · 31/05/2026 12:09

Don't you dare do it for him. Why the hell would you?! He's an adult.
The past few days he's been busy/away, but there's no reason why he couldn't have done it beforehand. He hasn't because he's assuming you'll do it.
Absolutely do NOT!!!
I'd look for his passport (as that would impact me if he can't find it) but the rest, no way.
Let him sulk and ask why he's thinks that acceptable and what exactly has he contributed to the holiday. If anyone should be annoyed, it should be you.

AImportantMermaid · 31/05/2026 12:10

If grown man needs someone to make a list for him he can ask ChatGPT. I’m not his mother and he’s not 7 years old.

TheChosenTwo · 31/05/2026 12:12

Erm, don’t fucking do it Op.
Regardless of who has done the lions share of holiday planning/prep in our house (dh does more of it than me tbh), packing takes us both no more than about 15 minutes. The washing is normally all up to date and clothes are put away properly so it doesn’t take long to chuck it all in a bag. The packing is the easiest bit really but I’d not expect dh to pack for me any more than he’d expect me to do it for him. How the hell do I know what he wants to wear on holiday?!

EuroNotVision · 31/05/2026 12:12

Stay strong. I w stoped picking up my DH washing off the floor and only washing it if in the basket. Bedroom looks horrendous though.

Wexone · 31/05/2026 12:14

your not going till tomorrow? it takes a whole 20 mins to pack 😒 🤷‍♀️ nothing to be worrying about ge can do it when home. your not his mother
my husbands packs for himself he might ask does he have enough shirts or does this match ( he is colour blind ) he is the one who makes sure we are out in time ( not really good myself at that 🤣) does all driving does all research I do all the computer stuff - but that's because I have an office job and sit in front of a laptop 50 hours a week
don't worry don't stress he be fine

Iamstardust · 31/05/2026 12:16

I think I would probably not pack for him.
Over the longer term I would look for ways to make him do his share which can't backfire on me. To put it another way, situations where he doesn't have a way to make my life harder if I don't do it for him.
Be strategic.

BeardySchnauzer · 31/05/2026 12:23

Good for you OP. I suppose I’m lucky that neither my mum or mil packed for their husbands so we haven’t had those expectations. He may have had a busy few days but he knows when you are going away so should have prepared!!

with my kids - once they got to around 8 I would write a list for them and they would get it all out and we would pack it together and I’d check they had everything and as they got older they did more and I did less. By teen years they were on their own but I do always pack a spare toothbrush as someone always forgets theirs!!

AmethystDeceiver · 31/05/2026 12:23

I am baffled by the amount of women here who married men incapable of chucking 7 pairs of boxers and a few outfits into a bag without 'stress'. My husband would (rightly) be fuming if I presumed he was incapable of the very basics of adult life, and literally needed me to dress him 😂

Had any husband in the history of husband-hood ever presumed that his wife won't manage it and packed for her??