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Original poster

Should I cave and pack for my husband before our family holiday?

189 replies

KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 10:13

going on holiday tomorrow and DH has gone camping with youngest for the weekend, after going mountain hiking Friday. And potentially heading out for a fun activity tonight (one I can’t do as I’m injured).

He’s not contributed anything to the planning of the holiday (booking it, airport parking, shopping for bits, thinking of kids entertainment so they’re not stuck on screens, organising the dogs home stay, booking seats together so our kids aren’t next to strangers, etc etc).

I really don’t want to pack for him but I do t know when he is going to find time. I’ll be packing for myself and the kids (too young to pack for themselves), would have spent the day washing, sorting house etc. he’s usually good and does do a lot around the house, does a lot of housework, takes kids to school etc. but mental load is all mine and I’m sick of it.

if I don’t pack his stuff I take the moral high ground but it know from experience it will make leaving more stressful as he will be chucking things in last minute in a panic and I’ll get resentment on holiday if he forgets anything. His bloody mother packs for his dad and he’s sees that as the norm. Part of me wants to cave for an easy life and to not have arguments. But another part of me is screaming don’t you fucking dare.

Thoughts…

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 31/05/2026 11:01

I'd do any laundry that is at home today (while he's away) BUT I wouldn't pack. I MIGHT just put his passport in for him and any essential medications so 1) He can get on the plane and 2) He doesn't die while he's away. But other than that, no knickers? Tough. No sandals? Buy some flip flops on hol.

DontTeaseMyDog · 31/05/2026 11:01

Do you share money?

If it's going to be a case of he forgets things and then also gets to go buy himself new things with shared money, I'd probably just pack.

This is obviously more than just the holiday and I'm sure you'd happily pack if he was picking up some of the load elsewhere, so maybe AFTER your holiday have a chat about it.

Don't be running yourself into a big burn out because then you suffer even more.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

ElevenGreenBottlesOnAWall · 31/05/2026 11:01

But it only takes a few minutes, he’ll be fine doing it, surely? We all pack a few minutes before leaving here, even the kids. I’ve not helped them since they were about 8 or 9.

DalmationalAnthem · 31/05/2026 11:02

I would bet a month's wages that no man has ever started a thread online worrying about his wife's holiday clothes, if he should pack for her because if he doesn't, she'll make everyone suffer.

It seems really weird to me that an adult would pack for another adult, like, why? I wouldn't have a clue what my husband would want to take, nor would I care.

hearts1989g · 31/05/2026 11:02

Do not. And have you and the kids packed seperate- he needs to learn! And resentment if he forgets anything - forget about it, his issue. Allow him suffer

2dogsandabudgie · 31/05/2026 11:02

I always pack for my husband and myself, but I enjoy doing it.

Original poster
KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 11:03

Thank you all for the messages. I will stay strong. He can get to fuck. Yes he has taken youngest away but I have still been parenting the other one. Also the main reason for taking him away was to socialise with his friend who was also camping with his little boy. So he’s basically sat around drinking while my son has played with his friend. He’s not so little he needs physically looking after.

I’ve also realised my DD is old enough to help. I need to stop taking it all on and just let the consequences play out. Fuck it if they don’t have what they want.

OP posts:
TheBirdintheCave · 31/05/2026 11:05

My husband takes out the things he wants to bring on holiday and I pack them. It’s just easier that way. I can Tetris items like no one else in the family 😆 He is also garbage at folding. Is it annoying? Yes. But he does loads of other stuff around the house and for the kids so I just suck that one up.

ThePlover · 31/05/2026 11:06

Lone voice here, I organise and pack for everyone and always have but I'm old. I'm a control freak and super organised, I wouldn't want him interfering as it's stressful enough. I pack across two cases in case of loss. Friends my age do the same.
<runs>

ChalkOutlines · 31/05/2026 11:08

ThePlover · 31/05/2026 11:06

Lone voice here, I organise and pack for everyone and always have but I'm old. I'm a control freak and super organised, I wouldn't want him interfering as it's stressful enough. I pack across two cases in case of loss. Friends my age do the same.
<runs>

It’s different if you actively want /choose to do it.

harriethoyle · 31/05/2026 11:08

Absofuckinglutely NOT!!!

mondaytosunday · 31/05/2026 11:09

Two questions: do you normally pack for him? If yes, have you told him you won’t this time?
I never packed for my DH. My mother packed for my father. But this was the norm and if she suddenly decided one holiday not to without discussion then that would be unfair. So as long as he knows you aren’t doing it then don’t.

SlightlyAjar · 31/05/2026 11:10

ThePlover · 31/05/2026 11:06

Lone voice here, I organise and pack for everyone and always have but I'm old. I'm a control freak and super organised, I wouldn't want him interfering as it's stressful enough. I pack across two cases in case of loss. Friends my age do the same.
<runs>

If you have young children, it’s understandable that you pack for them. If, however, you have had them with someone too incompetent to pack his own clothes for a holiday, I’d worry.

Original poster
KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 11:10

If he did more of mental load stuff I would “suck it up”. I do 99% of the bills, remortgage when it’s time, all school admin, hobby admin, on top of a full on job. But his job is too mentally draining apparently.

This trip has felt so one sided. If I pack for him he gets to come away and enjoy a holiday having done nothing for it. I’m also pretty shit at packing and hate it. He’s the anal one that repacks the dishwasher after I’ve stacked it. So really he should be packing for everyone!

Eurgh the more I think about it the angrier I get, with myself. I’ve let this situation develop. Things need to change.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2026 11:11

Thinking about this, this is one of the ‘life skills’ my dds learnt around 8. They have always packed. I used to check their stuff when they were little, dd2 didn’t need me to check as she’d have it all sorted, dd1 did as she missed stuff so dd1 has now progressed to realising that for her, she needs a list, so she does that.

I would say that either of my children asking me to do it, is about as likely as them asking me to wipe their arse.

BellaVita · 31/05/2026 11:11

Fuck that!

Don’t do it!

Lulu1919 · 31/05/2026 11:11

I always pack for husband - last few years ive asked him
to get trousers / jeans out as i am never sure which fit - it’s not that he won’t do it but I’m
doing mine so I just do both - i work part time so I’ve got more time at home too - why can’t adults do things for each other ?

midnights92 · 31/05/2026 11:11

Are you willing to do it, resentment free, as the default for the rest of your life?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2026 11:13

KronkeyCroc · 31/05/2026 11:10

If he did more of mental load stuff I would “suck it up”. I do 99% of the bills, remortgage when it’s time, all school admin, hobby admin, on top of a full on job. But his job is too mentally draining apparently.

This trip has felt so one sided. If I pack for him he gets to come away and enjoy a holiday having done nothing for it. I’m also pretty shit at packing and hate it. He’s the anal one that repacks the dishwasher after I’ve stacked it. So really he should be packing for everyone!

Eurgh the more I think about it the angrier I get, with myself. I’ve let this situation develop. Things need to change.

It does depend op on how your household is split generally. If he’s working more paid hours then it is fair for you to do more of the unpaid work, and that does include mental load. If you work the same hours, I wouldn’t tolerate this.

MajorSamanthaCarter · 31/05/2026 11:13

If I ever had the attitude that my husband could get to fuck then I'd be seriously thinking the marriage was done.

Terfedout · 31/05/2026 11:15

Stoicandhappy · 31/05/2026 10:16

Don’t you dare! I forbid you!! 🤣

Agree with this!

MaryBeery · 31/05/2026 11:15

I second the suggestion of sorting out passport and medication, (unless you don't mind leaving him at home because he's forgotten his passport) as him forgetting them is likely to be a massive pain in the arse. But everything else, not your problem.

Ethelspagetti · 31/05/2026 11:16

I have been with my husband for over 20 years and have never packed his suitcase. He can pack his in less than an hour! Leave it alone. The more jobs you give yourself the happier they’ll be, except you! Then when you stop they’ll complain!

PotatoBreadForTheWin · 31/05/2026 11:16

Stoicandhappy · 31/05/2026 10:16

Don’t you dare! I forbid you!! 🤣

I love it when the first reply on a thread absolutely nails it

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2026 11:20

Lulu1919 · 31/05/2026 11:11

I always pack for husband - last few years ive asked him
to get trousers / jeans out as i am never sure which fit - it’s not that he won’t do it but I’m
doing mine so I just do both - i work part time so I’ve got more time at home too - why can’t adults do things for each other ?

For me this is a level of ‘doing things for each other’ which isn’t appropriate between grown adults. For example, making them a lasagne for when they get home from work - a lovely something to do for each other. Packing for them/brushing their hair/applying deodorant etc are things that adults should do for themselves