Should I have my colleague’s four-year-old twins for an overnight stay?

[RoseMember]

My friend (and co-worker) recently asked me if I’d be able to have her twin girls over night whilst she is at a wedding. They are 4 and currently in nursery/pre-school. Their parents have split and their father is sadly not very involved, has them when he feels like it, cancels a lot and most recently cancelled when he said he’d have them whilst she was on a girls trip away so she had to cancel her trip. She doesn’t have any close family/friends. We aren’t massively close but we do chat everyday, have lunch everyday at work and meet up occasionally outside of work.

Realistically it doesn’t sound like I’d struggle. I’d collect them from nursery after work which is a 3 minute drive from the office, go home and play/bath/bed. They have dinner at nursery.

My main concern is that the following day I am working from home (only a half day) and am not really sure how they’d do with that. It’s a Friday and I only have one meeting which I think will be cancelled anyway as the person who hosts it will also be at the wedding.

I haven’t said yes or no yet, just that I would have a think about it.

They are lovely girls and very bright, I have met them a few times and they know who I am so that isn’t a concern, but I don’t (yet) have any children of my own so am a bit dubious of saying yes.

anyone have any thoughts/advice? I’m trying not to let myself just say yes so she doesn’t miss the wedding.

You’re a saint to consider this, but I’d strongly suggest if you do it, then do the babysitting in their home, where the twins have their own beds and toys and it’s already ‘twin proof’.

If they wake and miss mum in the night, being in a familiar environment will help.

The next day, if you’re trying to work while they play, watch tv or do craft activities, they won’t be poking about and accidentally breaking things in your home that aren’t meant to be played with.

I wouldn’t mind collecting them from nursery and taking them to her house, but I assume the wedding is local as a work colleague, so would expect her to return herself at a reasonable hour and take over by say 10/11pm.

A childfree night out is a luxury you have when you have a co-parent, family help, paid childcare, etc. No way would I leave my dc with a random from work and get so drunk I couldn’t get myself home to safely parent. If you were happy to collect from nursery and get them to bed, I’d go to the wedding, breakfast, first part of the dancing, have a coke or AF fizz and be home by 10pm. I’d also pay you and provide food and drinks for the evening so you were well catered for.

This.
Op, can you explain why she wants you to mind them while you work on the following day as well?
Who would normally look after them on a Friday? If she just wants a free day to sleep off her hangover she’s being an absolute cf.

What happens when they cry hysterically at midnight for their mom and can’t be settled? She needs to come home by night time and allow you to go home and have some sleep and be able to work the next day. She has no idea / doesn’t even seem to are which is worrying too - whether her children will settle and actually sleep for a stranger! You have no idea if a child will be fine staying away from home at someone else’s house until it happens and then a lot of children become very homesick and all they want is their mum and get more and more upset. If she’s turned her phone off/not answering it / what is the backup ? Nope she can go to the wedding and the do afterwards but there’s no reason she has to stay overnight and if she has to not drink alcohol so she can drive home to be with her children that’s what happens when you are a parent!!
she’s asking you to go above and beyond and also having them the next day as well?!?! Nope she’s taking the piss!!!! This won’t be a me off either you can guarantee that now she’s found a free babysitter!! Better to make it clear NOW that you aren’t being taken advantage of and collecting them from nursery, taking them home and putting them to bed in their own beds and then going home to your own bed by 11pm at the latest is what you will offer

If you’d love to help her out, then do! You sound nice.

Lots of useful, practical suggestions on here on how to minimise the impact.

If she’s nice too, there’s no need for it to be the thin end of any wedge. You can say no at any time.

@RoseMember Please please come back and tell us how it all went 😊

I'm a dad of twins and our relationship has just ended. You're a lovely person. I hope this works out well. Commenting to add positive vibes, caution against wfh & childcare at the same time, and say that your alternatives all sounds workable to me.

If the children are comfortable with you, and you are with them I’d probably do it as a one off, for a good friend. It’s a massive ask though

I agree with the poster who says that you stay in her house with the kids. I presume you can bring your work laptop. Things won't be so strange for them then. They'll have their own bed and toys and usual breakfast foods etc. Also, what's the earliest the Mum can get home.

I wouldn’t really want to but I’d do it to help a friend out as a one off.

I think you'll probably all have a lovely time and it will really benefit your friend.

I think it would be a lovely thing to do

you are friends and helping her out

it may be easier to stay at hers so kids in familiar surroundings and bed /toys etc

if your manager said it’s ok to work at home with them then not an issue. She knows

where is wedding ? Is mum coming home or staying there ?

can she be back at hers/ yours for 9/10/11 eta

prob easier to get into nursery tho be an extra cost to mum and she may not be able to afford it x 2

I'd do it, but at the twins' house rather than at mine. You sound like a lovely kind friend!

I wouldn't look after some kids I don't know very well, because they don't know me really and they would likely miss their mother a lot at that age. It's a very odd thing to ask of a colleague.

I think you got this @RoseMember

you know the children, they know you, your manager is aware and as long as you’re available and online for those few hours to fire fight if needed, you’ve got the backing of your work.

it might be an idea to consider having them at their home so they have everything they need, a morning holiday club could also be an option if work really is an issue

at least there are 2 of them to amuse themselves

Blimey I can't believe all the negativity. They're 4 year old not baby tigers.

I'd definitely do it. I bet they'll be well behaved. Maybe meet them first though if you haven't already.

It'll be exciting for them.

Fgs the pp saying what happens if they cry hysterically and op doesn't sleep properly. Welcome to the world of lots of working parents. I'm sure op will survive.

Big difference between not sleeping because your own children, who you made a decision to be parents to, don’t sleep, and not sleeping because you are looking after a work colleagues children and them not sleeping.

Your children aren’t anyone else’s responsibility so your comments are silly.

I’d do this - 4 year olds are fab! However, I’d want to meet up with them and mum a few times before to play and get to know them, and then have them for a short time on your own, just so you’re not complete strangers.

Yes it’ll be really tiring and they might get upset but with each other as company and comfort it’ll probably be ok.

It's one night ffs get a grip.

@RoseMember if I was asking a friend to do this, and didn’t have otherwise have room for her to stay, I would give her my bed and crash on the sofa/an airbed when I got in.

Hell no

Big difference between toughing out a tough night's sleep and a bit of screaming as a one-off to give a single parent a much-needed break, and the relentless grind of parenting bad sleepers for years! So your comment is equally silly.

I would do it.

I'd try and do it in her own house, sleeping on an air mattress if you that was the only option.

They will need something to eat after nursery, even if they have dinner there. When they get to home surroundings they are often so wired and tired from their day, once they have a bath and relax their hunger kicks in. My DD often needed another meal at home.