Should I have my colleague’s four-year-old twins for an overnight stay?

[RoseMember]

My friend (and co-worker) recently asked me if I’d be able to have her twin girls over night whilst she is at a wedding. They are 4 and currently in nursery/pre-school. Their parents have split and their father is sadly not very involved, has them when he feels like it, cancels a lot and most recently cancelled when he said he’d have them whilst she was on a girls trip away so she had to cancel her trip. She doesn’t have any close family/friends. We aren’t massively close but we do chat everyday, have lunch everyday at work and meet up occasionally outside of work.

Realistically it doesn’t sound like I’d struggle. I’d collect them from nursery after work which is a 3 minute drive from the office, go home and play/bath/bed. They have dinner at nursery.

My main concern is that the following day I am working from home (only a half day) and am not really sure how they’d do with that. It’s a Friday and I only have one meeting which I think will be cancelled anyway as the person who hosts it will also be at the wedding.

I haven’t said yes or no yet, just that I would have a think about it.

They are lovely girls and very bright, I have met them a few times and they know who I am so that isn’t a concern, but I don’t (yet) have any children of my own so am a bit dubious of saying yes.

anyone have any thoughts/advice? I’m trying not to let myself just say yes so she doesn’t miss the wedding.

Depends on the girls temperament and if they'll get upset. I had my daughters 2 best friends sleepover for her 6th birthday. 1 was absolutely fine (who I'd only known for a year) but I had to take the other little girl home and I'd known her for 3 years and spent all day with her as she got upset about sleeping somewhere strange.

It sounds like you’re likely going to agree (which is such a lovely thing to do for your friend given her circumstances) so just to make you feel a bit more at ease, I don’t think entertaining 4 year olds for half a day is all that bad. My youngest is 4 and as long as we have a drink and snacks to hand, she generally plays nicely on her own. She also loves colouring in and play doh etc. If they play together they can entertain each other, as long as they get along and don’t constantly fight! My job doesn’t require a lot of time on the phone so I manage to work with her there pretty easily, although I imagine she’d be a nuisance if I was on calls all the time.
You’ve got this!

I think it might be really nice ! It’s a sweet age and they are together so that will help . It could be a lot of fun.

I think I’d do it - just ask her to either come back to yours on the night or you sit at hers and go home after (presuming the wedding isn’t miles away)

You are so lovely to even consider it! Lucky co worker to have you!

Babysit them in their own house. Nursery the day before and day after. Be prepared for no sleep.

If it’s at their house I think it would be ok. It would be better if they were in nursery while you are working? As your manager has given you approval to be available I wouldn’t think you need to worry to much. I used to babysit overnight pre children. I found it tiring having to be on alert. Make sure their mum leaves you their routine and you will be fine. As she is your friend I would be mindful how you feel about doing this regularly there are nanny agencies that offer babysitting services if you decide against it.

Can she arrange for them to go to nursery an extra day on the Friday?

Why isn’t she putting them in nursery on the Friday? That’s the only way it would work, it seems a bit rich to expect you to look after them and work the next day?
She really wants to have her cake and eat it.

It’s nice of you to consider, but could this open the gates for her asking more often?

She’s a single mum who’s a friend and has been having a tough time - I’d want to help her out.
Is the wedding local? Will she be back that night?
I agree, I’d want to have them at their own house so that they have all their toys and familiar things around them. Having said that, it might be quite nice to have a ‘girly’ evening with pizza and a movie etc.
I’d do it.

I know Jack shit about any of those things but have managed to keep 3 boys alive to see adulthood

I agree and it is incredibly kind of the OP to do it, the mum must see the decency in her or she wouldn’t ask.
So many comments thinking of all the possible reasons not to do it, rather than the need to sometimes put barriers aside and do things that may put ourselves out, to help give someone struggling some respite

they are 4, make it an adventure and exciting. You don’t have to be a parent to make a magical evening for 2 little people who are themselves subjected to a useless father.
Life doesn’t have to be one great risk assessment and routine .

I would do it but I would also make it clear from the beginning it has to be an exception. In the past I've had experiences of people taking advantage, so nowadays I like to be clear about what they can ask and what is out of the question.

Such a lovely post, exactly what I meant but said far more eloquently 😂
I cannot see the reason for all this handwringing and ‘what if she asks again 😱’
but then years of MN has made me realise I do not seem to have the same risk appetite as others, I feel positively reckless 😂

You can’t look after children and work from home. You’d need to take the Friday off or put them in childcare. Dropping someone else’s children off at childcare is a huge ask.

Thank god there are still some of my people out there 😂

OP is a reasonably regular part of their lives

Risk of what?? It’s childcare they go to a couple of times a week anyway?

Edit: You said ask, not risk - apologies. Should have gone to SpecSavers!

At which point OP can say no

Thanks @bittertwisted!

Some of the replies are assuming the colleague has many options available, so was overstepping by asking.

The colleague's options, in reality, are that she doesn't go; that she pays for an emergency one-off nanny (hundreds of pounds); or she asks someone, while understanding that they might reasonably say no.

It would be a shame for her to miss out - weddings are important, and it sounds as if she deserves this. As for the risk of her asking again - well, the OP can say no then!

We all become dependent on others at some point. We're not all fortunate enough to have everything in place to deal with everyday frictions - like extended family close by, plenty of savings, good health, a reliable partner.

But there are very small occasional things we can do for each other, especially in the current context when most people's finances are very tight and there's pressure at work. And those small stitches-in-time make a world of difference.

I would do it.

I remember asking someone I didn’t know very well if she could have my son for some reason. I was very apologetic about it & she said ‘I love you asking. It means I know I can ask you when I need help’. I don’t have family nearby & I have several friends where we do help each other out, and it means the world.

You sound like a great friend. And single mums need friends, need a ‘village’. I think that the best solution would be to babysit them in their own home if possible. They are much more likely to settle and sleep that way.

She obviously trusts you and I think it would be a lovely thing to do for her. Assuming you like children. You sound like good friends.

I think it would be very nice of you to do. If you have to do that meeting give them some snacks and set them up with a film and ask mum to pack plenty of toys.
Its a novelty having time with children if youre not a parent, so as long as you like children it should be quite nice.