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Original poster

Should I have my colleague’s four-year-old twins for an overnight stay?

180 replies

RoseMember · 29/05/2026 19:39

My friend (and co-worker) recently asked me if I’d be able to have her twin girls over night whilst she is at a wedding. They are 4 and currently in nursery/pre-school. Their parents have split and their father is sadly not very involved, has them when he feels like it, cancels a lot and most recently cancelled when he said he’d have them whilst she was on a girls trip away so she had to cancel her trip. She doesn’t have any close family/friends. We aren’t massively close but we do chat everyday, have lunch everyday at work and meet up occasionally outside of work.

Realistically it doesn’t sound like I’d struggle. I’d collect them from nursery after work which is a 3 minute drive from the office, go home and play/bath/bed. They have dinner at nursery.

My main concern is that the following day I am working from home (only a half day) and am not really sure how they’d do with that. It’s a Friday and I only have one meeting which I think will be cancelled anyway as the person who hosts it will also be at the wedding.

I haven’t said yes or no yet, just that I would have a think about it.

They are lovely girls and very bright, I have met them a few times and they know who I am so that isn’t a concern, but I don’t (yet) have any children of my own so am a bit dubious of saying yes.

anyone have any thoughts/advice? I’m trying not to let myself just say yes so she doesn’t miss the wedding.

OP posts:
moderateme · 29/05/2026 21:51

BrentfordForever · 29/05/2026 20:36

What?

did you just bother posting something that makes zero sense ?

Show quote history

Huh?

They are 4 years old. They are not babies, therefore I think she will be fine.

Does that help?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/05/2026 21:52

If you do it then she needs to book them
in an extra day on the Friday.
you could also ask that she hires a babysitter for two hours to help you until they are asleep.

excelledyourself · 29/05/2026 21:57

RoseMember · 29/05/2026 21:07

Thanks all for the replies. I’m not attending the wedding as I’m not friends with the bride, she was in our team before but moved department before I joined and as such we aren’t friends.

I have looked after my own nieces since they were infants and several of my friends have children and I’ve have them quite frequently. Regarding spending time with the twins I have been on several walks, park trips, shopping trips and been to their house a lot. (More than I realised I had)

the more I thought about this, the more I realised we are actually closer friends than I originally thought.

I did and do think WFH with them would be challenging but now thinking that perhaps I could drop them at nursery if she is able to book them in and then I could just go to the office, do my work and then go and collect them to go to hers/meet her there with the car seats.

OR she could come to mine after the wedding and then they could all go home together the next morning.

OR I could pick them up and then go to hers, settle them and go home when she gets in, I’m just unsure what time she’ll be home. She doesn’t have enough room for me to stay sadly.

OR if she is able to pick them up early enough the next day, I can just WFH. We have flexible hours so I don’t have to start/finish by a certain time.

I completely understand people that have their reservations, sadly she hasn’t had the best few years and we’ve become rather close in the last year and I would just love to help her out if I can somehow!

You sound like a really lovely person, and a great addition to your colleague and her children’s lives.

You’ll work something out, because you obviously want to. Good luck!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weddings
moderateme · 29/05/2026 21:59

I think it’s a lovely thing to do. It’d be better if they could go to nursery the next day but if your boss is ok with them being in your home on the Friday then I think that’s also fine.

DaisyDooley · 29/05/2026 22:01

I would do it -but only if I was looking after them in their own home.
No way would my DD have settled a 4 yrs old in a strange house with someone she barely knew.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 29/05/2026 22:03

RoseMember · 29/05/2026 21:07

Thanks all for the replies. I’m not attending the wedding as I’m not friends with the bride, she was in our team before but moved department before I joined and as such we aren’t friends.

I have looked after my own nieces since they were infants and several of my friends have children and I’ve have them quite frequently. Regarding spending time with the twins I have been on several walks, park trips, shopping trips and been to their house a lot. (More than I realised I had)

the more I thought about this, the more I realised we are actually closer friends than I originally thought.

I did and do think WFH with them would be challenging but now thinking that perhaps I could drop them at nursery if she is able to book them in and then I could just go to the office, do my work and then go and collect them to go to hers/meet her there with the car seats.

OR she could come to mine after the wedding and then they could all go home together the next morning.

OR I could pick them up and then go to hers, settle them and go home when she gets in, I’m just unsure what time she’ll be home. She doesn’t have enough room for me to stay sadly.

OR if she is able to pick them up early enough the next day, I can just WFH. We have flexible hours so I don’t have to start/finish by a certain time.

I completely understand people that have their reservations, sadly she hasn’t had the best few years and we’ve become rather close in the last year and I would just love to help her out if I can somehow!

You sound like such a lovely friend

TheChosenTwo · 29/05/2026 22:04

I agree it might be easier to do this in their own home but you’re a lovely friend to consider doing this and I’d offer too.
Even better if she can book them in for nursery on the Friday because if on the off chance you do have work to do (sounds like your manager has said log on but effectively just a bit of presenteeism will suffice?) you’ll not be able to concentrate with 2 4 year olds on the loose!

Besidemyselfwithworry · 29/05/2026 22:07

BobbieTables · 29/05/2026 19:43

It's quite an ask. I suppose the answer is do you want to? If you do, then go ahead, if not don't. You won't be able to work looking after 4 year old twins though.

I’d say you’d do it but the twins need to go to nursery on the Friday (guessing they don’t usually go that day?) but say you can’t wfh with them it’s not possible.
Ive helped people out and they’ve helped us out it’s a kind thing to do but it’s give and take

eventing · 29/05/2026 22:11

If you don’t really know them that well, that could be difficult. For example, if they miss their mum or feel sad, it’ll be hard for you to comfort them as there isn’t a big bond between you and you’re still a stranger.

I would do something like this if there was trust and a relationship between me and the kids but not with little ones who don’t really know me.

Allonthesametrain · 29/05/2026 22:12

This can't be for real, hope not! You would be wfh yet looking after someone else's twins? You're either working or being a parent figure, doing both is ridiculous 🙄

Saying you only have one meeting the whole day doesn't give credit to the whole wfh mocked ethic.

Also, if you do it once, it's a favour, twice it becomes expected.

I personally would be happy to help out a friend and I mean a valued friend, but as I go out to work this wouldn't be possible so should be the same stipulation for you really to negate the views of oh work isn't a big deal, can log on then just babysit.

JaniceBattersby · 29/05/2026 22:12

I’d do it. I it sounds like she’s had a really shitty time
of it and it will probably mean a lot to her. It would be a really lovely thing to do and you don’t need to do anything fancy. Midnight (8pm 😅) feast, film and plait their hair for them. Stick them in a bed together so they have each other for company. Honestly it’s really not that tough looking after two kids aged 4.

Wanttobeanonhere246 · 29/05/2026 22:13

I would help her out. I know how difficult this is and I would find a way to make it work. It must be so difficult for her with young twins and the Father being unhelpful, she’ll have something to look forward to. It would be such a lovely thing to do for her.
You said you have flexi time so can start at say 10am ish or something so that she gets a bit of an easy morning before back into parenting when she picks them up, I think I would offer that if you’re able so that she can really make the most of one night off

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/05/2026 22:16

Hayley1256 · 29/05/2026 21:08

I would probably do it but I would see if you could sleep at her house for the night as it will be easier if they are in their own surroundings

Yeah this would be easier, you will be up and down all night if not.

Tillow4ever · 29/05/2026 22:16

Allonthesametrain · 29/05/2026 22:12

This can't be for real, hope not! You would be wfh yet looking after someone else's twins? You're either working or being a parent figure, doing both is ridiculous 🙄

Saying you only have one meeting the whole day doesn't give credit to the whole wfh mocked ethic.

Also, if you do it once, it's a favour, twice it becomes expected.

I personally would be happy to help out a friend and I mean a valued friend, but as I go out to work this wouldn't be possible so should be the same stipulation for you really to negate the views of oh work isn't a big deal, can log on then just babysit.

At least try reading the OP’s posts so you can see WHY she thinks the WFH option is ok. Based on that update, it sounds like it will be fine as a one off.

Newmummypamela · 29/05/2026 22:17

I think it would be a lovely kind thing to do as a one-off (or not at all frequently) - I would in a heartbeat.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/05/2026 22:17

Allonthesametrain · 29/05/2026 22:12

This can't be for real, hope not! You would be wfh yet looking after someone else's twins? You're either working or being a parent figure, doing both is ridiculous 🙄

Saying you only have one meeting the whole day doesn't give credit to the whole wfh mocked ethic.

Also, if you do it once, it's a favour, twice it becomes expected.

I personally would be happy to help out a friend and I mean a valued friend, but as I go out to work this wouldn't be possible so should be the same stipulation for you really to negate the views of oh work isn't a big deal, can log on then just babysit.

Her manager has cleared it, if you read the OP's post properly.

IwouldifIcouldreachit · 29/05/2026 22:19

You are a lovely friend and as a single mum I totally understand her predicament. If you feel you can do it, I think it would be fine. The children know you, they have each other, you can figure out ways to sort out the following morning, all good. Just don't become default childcare for her - occasionally, great (if you choose), piss taking, no.

wishfulthinking25 · 29/05/2026 22:22

They may be different but my children would never settle with someone they’ve only met a few times, literally impossible, I think you will have a very very hard time. If it was me, a longstanding friend before being a colleague I may consider. A colleague that turned into a friend, absolutely not.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2026 22:24

I think you should stay at their house rather than have them at your house, which is completely strange to them. If you’re going to do this.

canuckup · 29/05/2026 22:25

😂 😂 😂 😂

Er,no

lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2026 22:28

Do you know a parent or family-member who could help you?

MeekSqueak · 29/05/2026 22:29

If you do it book the half day off work - you can’t cheat your work by doing childcare for twins while allegedly working, knowing that a colleague knows you basically skived (cos trust me, with four year old twins you won’t be working).

bellabelly · 29/05/2026 22:30

I think you'd be doing her a real favour and you might have fun too! If she could get them booked in for nursery for the next day, that'd help with the wfh thing but even if she can just get back by lunch / early afternoon that should be fine? They're four years old, not tiny babies who might be trickier... Disclaimer - I have 2 sets of twins and would have loved you forever if you'd offered to have any of mine overnight!

Jeska7 · 29/05/2026 22:35

I’m sure it will be fine. You’re helping her out massively. Such a good friend. It would be better at their house. You say there’s no space but even a mattress / camping bed on the living room floor or something would work. The girls might be fine with you during the day and might want their mum at night. You just don’t know so perhaps have a plan. Could they phone their mum if that happens? It’s probably better there’s two of them as they can keep each other company and will be more comfortable with you staying or staying at yours if they are together. You should be fine working for an hour during your meeting just stick a movie on. However better if they could go to nursery. You’d need car seats unless it’s walkable. And be confident knowing how they fix into your car. It all depends on their personalities and how they perceive this. If they think it’s exciting to sleep somewhere else, it’s likely to work better. So hopefully your friend will help build their excitement. What time are you picking them up? Can you take them to the park? Tire trim out? Can you order their favourite for tea? Make them feel as comfortable as possible. You say you’ve looked after relatives but it might be different with friend’s children. Sounds as if you’ve seen them quite a few times though although not looked after them without their mum there. Could you have them a couple of hours as a tester?

Branleuse · 29/05/2026 22:39

I think for one night it would be fine.