Should I have my colleague’s four-year-old twins for an overnight stay?

[RoseMember]

My friend (and co-worker) recently asked me if I’d be able to have her twin girls over night whilst she is at a wedding. They are 4 and currently in nursery/pre-school. Their parents have split and their father is sadly not very involved, has them when he feels like it, cancels a lot and most recently cancelled when he said he’d have them whilst she was on a girls trip away so she had to cancel her trip. She doesn’t have any close family/friends. We aren’t massively close but we do chat everyday, have lunch everyday at work and meet up occasionally outside of work.

Realistically it doesn’t sound like I’d struggle. I’d collect them from nursery after work which is a 3 minute drive from the office, go home and play/bath/bed. They have dinner at nursery.

My main concern is that the following day I am working from home (only a half day) and am not really sure how they’d do with that. It’s a Friday and I only have one meeting which I think will be cancelled anyway as the person who hosts it will also be at the wedding.

I haven’t said yes or no yet, just that I would have a think about it.

They are lovely girls and very bright, I have met them a few times and they know who I am so that isn’t a concern, but I don’t (yet) have any children of my own so am a bit dubious of saying yes.

anyone have any thoughts/advice? I’m trying not to let myself just say yes so she doesn’t miss the wedding.

I looked after a friend of my mums 3 kids under 4yrs for 3 days when I was 21 and didn't have my own kids. Fair enough I didn't have work though. I was totally shattered by the third day but didn't regret it. The mum was really greatful. I'd never met the kids before either. So long as yours and theirs safety isn't at risk then go for it. Its a lovely thing to do for someone.

Id do it, she sounds deserving of a night off to let her hair down, and I’d imagine she will be immensely grateful. You’ve got experience with children, so it’s not like you would be going into it completely clueless.

My SIL has 4 year old two girls. They are HARD work. Really, really hard. One of them screams the minute she can't see her mother. The other one keeps running off and hiding. She reaches out to her entire network for help (her parents, my partner, their other brother, you name it). She's a fab mother but I repeat, it's really hard work.

For one night, well, you might get lucky and they might be tired. Just bear in mind that they might not be so happy when their mother isn't there.

I once looked after my then-2 year old nephew because I was very close to him. Omg he screamed and screamed for the whole day. I was really shocked, but then I realised I'd only ever spent time with him when my sister was there.

If your manager's okay with you working from home with them there or she can get them into nursery this is something I'd be happy to do for a good friend. It sounds like they are reasonably easy kids. But I wouldn't expect to sleep much that night. Obviously it's going to be work for you and not a treat! But I don't have a problem going out of my way for friends providing the effort and consideration is reciprocated (if it's not, I don't really think of them as friends!).

Are you sure you can be available at all times when babysitting two 4yo kids? If they are tired, manky and missing their mum, I imagine they might be time consuming.

Four was the nightmare age for both my boys. We laughed at the terrible twos, then got blindsided by the effing awful fours…

I was going to say exactly this. Especially after a long day at nursery, they’ll 100% be better in their own home.

What a lot of feeble people on this thread. They are two seemingly lovely 4 years olds, not a pack of wild dogs. And even if it's a far from enjoyable evening and night, it is exactly that - ONE night. The OP has the rest of her life to recover 🙄. I consider myself a fairly selfish person and am pretty 'meh' about other people's children but I would and have done similar for friends and would not consider it some massive deal at all. I am genuinely shocked that so many people would be unwilling to put themselves out for a good friend.

Could you not set up a blow up bed for your friend in her kids room/ living room and you stay in her room? Always think babysitting is easier in their home environment

If you want to then do it. But if they haven't been to your house. They do need to visit your house before they stay overnight. Maybe invite friend and DC for tea.

I don't think she would consider leaving them with you if they were a handful. It will be fine, Your boss even knows the situation. If your meeting's not going ahead and you're holding the fort with some less demanding work while others are off for half a day, that will be fine too. Snacks and screens and the promise of mummy's imminent return will work wonders.

I had one four year old stay with my 3 and 6 year olds while his mum went into labour very early (baby ok thankfully). It was fresh hell. He didn't understand why his mum and dad weren't there, wouldn't go to bed until 11pm, got up at 6am on the dot, was extremely upset at night time because his dad couldn't tuck him in etc. Bless him, it wasn't his fault, and obviously was an emergency situation, but you are a better person than me if you do this willingly.

I think you sound like a really lovely colleague and friend. If your manager is in the bridal party, aware of it and says it’s fine then I don’t really see the issue. If you’re happy to babysit of course. I don’t think the wfh element sounds like it’s going to be an issue as long as you’re online. And it’s one hell of a favour to bank for when you need something from her lol.

I think you should say no to this for your own sake and for theirs. These poor girls hardly know you and you're working - they deserve better than this arrangement. I can see it is hard for the mum but these girls shouldn't be just left with someone they hardly know. And by the way, two four year olds may be no trouble OR they could be very unsettled by this. She should not have asked you but I would advise saying no this, quite firmly.

What’s she going to do for you in return? Because I would want a favour returned or something like that. It’s a huge ask. Especially when overnight. I’ve got 2 nephews, 2.5 and almost 8 and they’re bad enough for a day let alone overnight. Anyone who has them overnight let alone for a day, is exhausted the next day (I’m not joking!). Doesn’t help that they co sleep with them. I’d take leave if you are going to do this. I mean if your manager really honestly doesn’t mind that you honestly won’t do much work (can you rearrange that meeting) beyond maybe checking a few emails on your phone then go for it. Mind you 4 isn’t a terrible age. I’d see if you can do a trial run beforehand, surely you could sleep on her sofa?

This. I’d do it in a flash and have done, many times (admittedly not with twins, but with similar age siblings). A nice time was had by all, no one died, mum was happy, all good.

She's not adopting them, just minding them for a night. Christ alive. And "say no, quite firmly" as if the OP's friend is a stranger trying to sell her dodgy goods. How do people manage daily life when the thought of something as innocuous as minding two children who you know well is envisaged as some kind of trauma inducing hellscape.

Agree with the other PP who said it’d be easier if you babysat them in their own home and you stayed there. They’ll be more at ease there which will make it easier for you.

Christ knows! And, I agree, it’s two children for one night, op isn’t inviting the plague into her house!

Go for it! They'll keep each other company too. Your friend will be very grateful.

What a lovely person you are. I think the only question here is if you want to, which i think you do.
in which case you can make it happen.

I love your positive attitude and how you’re looking for ways to make it work. And that as you reflect on your relationship with her and the time you’ve spent teeth her children, you realise that you are actually quite good friends 😊

What a charming approach to friendship - immediately racing to 'what will you get in return' (this 'massive' favour which many on this thread speak of as if it's a kidney donation). Life is long and people need each other in different ways at different times. When people are basically decent and sound, there is no need to be bookkeeping like this. Most things come around either directly or indirectly. This is not the same as being a pushover, but it's about surrounding yourself with good people and then operating from a spirit of generosity and effort when needed. I have friends who have done more for me perhaps than I have for them and others for whom the opposite may be the case. It really doesnt matter in the long run.

Are you looking after them in her house or yours? In their own home is easier! I would say you will look after them but she needs to be either back first thing or book them into nursery. Even if your manager is understanding, it is likely to be to stressful trying to work while taking care of them. And that isn’t necessary to let your friend have a night out.

Clearly you have a village . Op friend does not