Is there a salary your partner would have to earn to encourage you to be a stay at home partner/parent?

[Peppynana]

Just wondering what salary your partner would have to earn in order for you to be a stay at home partner or SAHP....your answer could of course be that no salary would be enough to give up your own income and security!

If your husband earns very well (and you're disabled to top it off) your husband should have his life and earning ability extensively insured. My husband only earns what I'd say is a comfortable and above-average salary and still we have insurance to provide 70% of his take-home pay in the event of illness until our mortgage is paid off, as well as enough in life insurance for me to live off the interest of the pay out invested realistically that will cover him until he's in his 50s. I'm unable to have even a part-time job consistently due to disability so it would be irresponsible for me to just assume I could replace his income for decades if anything happend to him.

Yes I see lots of questions on here where women resent it, that it’s not just child care, but all the housework. And as much as people say it’s equal access to money, in reality it is still legally his, he is chosing to share it, marriage doesn’t give a legal entitlement to your spouses pay. And they ultimately have control,and if divorce comes, they withdraw that generosity fast.

as much as being home and doing that stuff can be preferable for some, it comes at a cost for many, be it pension, or equality in the relationship.

I see so many women say I supported his career he’d not have been successful without me, like he couldn’t just use child care and get a cleaner, thay he’s not just responsible for 50 percent max.

being an equal partner in all ways, be it financially or child care/housework is for me and important role model. Seldom is staying home all making cup cakes and messy play. Often it’s a drudge.

when I hear “I’m lucky” I can stay home, I always think it’s someone who simply had a job they didn’t like so it becomes preferable.

It is not always the case that SAHM did not like their job. I absolutely love my job. I qualified 37 years ago and have worked in different areas, including overseas twice and never had a role I did not enjoy. However, when I had my children I wanted to be at home with them when they were preschool and wanted one of us to be they for pick up/drop offs until they were independent getting to and from school. We managed with various arrangements of long days, family support and condensed hours between us to not need formal childcare but we lived on a small budget as DH has never been a high earner. All clothes were from charity shops or hand me downs from friends. Holidays would be staying with friends and family.
I think it is good to understand that there are some women who find some sort of definition in their job role and could not see themselves not doing it. ( I definitely have some close friends who feel like that) and there are some women who work in jobs they like but would prefer to be SAHM if it was achievable ( most of my friends were like this and would have been SAHM if they could but worked 3 or 4 days weeks as needed the income) and there are obviously women who hate work and are happy to give it up at first excuse ( and some are happily SAHM and some are bored and frustrated!)
What your partner thinks is crucial as being the sole earner for a growing family is a big responsibility. I was, at a later stage, the main earner for a few years and found it hard.
Caveat is that I had a job I could return to at any time and not be massively disadvantaged by time out and had a DH who fully supported the idea of children not being in formal childcare setting until school. We have also both always had a very similar attitude towards money and everything we have ever earned from day 1 has been joint money.

It can also be nuanced. I was in the wrong job when I got pregnant. Highly paid extremely prestigious and demanding. Getting pregnant gave me space to give it up entirely. I would have left at some point anyway.

6 years off as sahm (doing a side hustle that got me £10k pa) then set up on my own using my skills from my old job. Now outearn myself in my old city job and dh. So things change. It’s not as binary as “giving up your job and never earning decent money again”.

My husband is a transplant recipient. His ability to get life insurance is limited. We have him as well insured as we can.

No amount. I enjoy work and I like the feeling of security that if my marriage ended I could just crack on and support myself no problems.

No amount. We both worked PT when the kids were little. His career is not more important than mine and I'm not instinctively a better parent than him, and it's been good for the DC to see us sharing responsibilities and get to spend lots of time with two engaged parents (plus they had a fantastic nursery). We had a higher income and paid less tax by both working PT than if just one of us worked FT (we both work FT now they are older) and we both have good pensions. We are much more financially secure than a family that is dependent on a single wage. Use a high salary to go PT, not to create inequality in your marriage.

Same here. I get more income through my investments than I would have in my old job. But all the advantages of lots of free time and better financial security than being at the mercy of employers and risks from AI taking over.

Sure, I think we all understand we are all individuals wirh different motivations and needs, no one is disputing this. However your comment here

I qualified 37 years ago and have worked in different areas, including overseas twice and never had a role I did not enjoy. However, when I had my children I wanted to be at home with them when they were preschool and wanted one of us to be they for pick up/drop offs until they were independent getting to and from school. We managed with various arrangements of long days, family support and condensed hours between us to not need formal childcare but we lived on a small budget as DH has never been a high earner. All clothes were from charity shops or hand me downs from friends. Holidays would be staying with friends and family

im not sure if your go about telling people you were lucky. Which is what I assume you were responding to by saying not all women hate their jobs who say this. I just don’t see this as lucky at all, given a choice I don’t want to live on a small budget, wearing hand me downs etc and I’d not see myself as lucky to raise my kids in that environment. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, but there is no joy in poverty.