Is there a salary your partner would have to earn to encourage you to be a stay at home partner/parent?

[Peppynana]

Just wondering what salary your partner would have to earn in order for you to be a stay at home partner or SAHP....your answer could of course be that no salary would be enough to give up your own income and security!

I became a SAHM in 2004 when my partner’s salary was about £70k. I haven’t gone back to work but his salary has increased a lot. To be a SAHM now, I’d want us to have the equivalent of at least whatever £70k back then is now.

What salary gives a take home of about £4.5k? I'd be happy with that. I'd absolutely love to be a SAHM. It won't ever happen for us though, dh is a low earner.

I was a sahm for a few years, my wage was dwarfed by childcare and cost of commuting I simultaneously regret it because we are in a bad place and I’m now working in retail and don’t regret it because it was perfect for then.

There’s no easy answer, my kids definitely don’t have the security they had when I was a sahm, the other day I had to leave my eldest (18) minding the others when one wasn’t feeling great. I faked going to the bathroom regularly so I could ring and check on them. Horrible stuff.

ps we were poor poor while I was a sahm but honestly more carefree than we are now

Our kids are now young adults but I was SAHM when DH earned about £20.000. It was tough but we had 3 x preschoolers and I also wanted to be with them. I was fully SAH for a year and then worked a long day weekly and DH condensed his hours and did 4 long days.

My husband earns around 150k and I work. In all honesty I wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on someone else - its quite risky and I would probably only give up work if I had my own independent income from a property or something- which I don’t!

I also don’t think I am cut out for looking after our toddler full time - work is more pressure but less relentless than looking after babies
and young children.

I was a SAHP for a while due to lack of childcare for our disabled child. DH earned £150k. I’m back at work now.

Yup - my ex was earning £85k plus bonuses when I had DD1 - despite my entire wage going on nursery fees and extreme pressure and financial abuse I refused to stop working.

came in handy when dd3 was 4 months old and he left me - I managed to get a mortgage in my own name and never looked back. I’d never give up my financial independence

My DH’s salary was enough for me to be a SAHM when our children were born and while I loved the time with them, I LOVE my job so much now I actually regret the years I spent not climbing the career ladder. I wouldn’t give up my job for the world. It gives me so much joy.

Over 20 years ago DH was earning about £35k and I was earning £50k. I became a SAHM because DD was very unhappy at nursery and my grandmother was needing support.

DH’s salary was enough to pay the bills and feed us. I got a part time TA job after a couple of years because it fitted well around school runs.

Best decision for us as a family and the best years of my life.

It would’ve made sense, but I do understand why you chose to do things differently.
There’s other considerations usually like pensions maternity leave for subsequent children career progression etc

Perhaps a better question is, how much would your partner have to earn before he’s prepared to bankroll his wife for the rest of her life?

My dh earns well, but I have not become a sahp because I feel just awful expecting him to shoulder the entire burden of keeping us financially afloat. So I compromise and have a lower-level job that still brings in “enough” so I can have my own money and a pension.

I wouldn’t give up my job. People get divorced all the time, it’s too risky.

No sum of money on earth makes it worth being economically dependent.

It would have to be enormous, partly as it might be hard for me to get back into my career. I reckon £1m+. Ok, realistically 600k+ I’d consider it.

not sure. We both earn a lot, but have high expenses. Anyway I can’t imagine what I’d do all day if not working.

I was a sahp for 4 years. Dh earned 60k, it was tighter financially but we were okay. Now I work part time we can afford more treats.

No amount of money would make me comfortable giving anyone the power over how I’m housed and fed.

I work two days a week on my days off I go to gym and swimming. See my elderly dad and do jobs in house. Honestly the time flies by.

I would never give up my career and be beholden to a man for my needs. You’ve no idea what the future holds; death, illness, divorce and I would want to be able to take care of myself and my children. Apart from which I’d be bored to tears!

No of course not. I’d do it if I was independently wealthy for life. But there is no way I’d give up my career, my financial independence to be reliant on someone to clothe, house and feed me. And I fully beleive child care and house hold chores should be shared equally, I set a much better example to my child by being an equal partner. And parenting is for life, not just the early years.

Oh joy, here we have it, the beginnings of a political response to the reality of job loss and there not being enough jobs to go round.

Unacknowledged officially of course. No one will say that there are not enough jobs to go round, that the system has failed. That there has never been any intention since the Industrial Revolution to allow any rapprochement of economic and family life. Nor will they be honest and openly say that overproduction and high productivity will not be shared equally among those who have worked to create it, but there will be a chosen group of winners and a group of losers, because no one likes inequality especially unearned. Admitting its existence formally and acknowledging that inequality has nothing to do with the amount people are able and prepared to work is political death. Not to mention a contradiction of everything Britain and its people have worked for post-War, a repudiation of the founding principles of the roots of our civilization, dating back to before the Industrial Revolution and Enclosure.

No, the answer will be to push women out. Get back in the homes, get back to being dependents, get back to being slaves to men, just clear off will you and do what you’re told.

You heard it here women. For gods sake do not have kids for this other half of the species that will always despise you. Why risk your lives for sons that treat you and your daughters with contempt.

No. DH already earns enough and I put my salary in to a pension. Only have one child who is in primary school though so don't feel any need to stay at home

In economics terms women are officially called the reserve army of labour. Always rhe ones to take the impact, always the ones to take the blame.

I think around £200k. We currently have a joint income of £120k and it’s not quite enough for us to be able to provide everything we want for our DCs and their futures. So wouldn’t give up work until we had enough to be able to do that.

We were in a position where we could have lived (frugally) on DH’s salary alone. We chose not to:

It’s not fair on DH to carry the weight of being the sole breadwinner.
It’s not wise to put all our eggs in one basket.
I worked and studied hard for my career. I don’t want to give it up.

DH works in the private sector. Although he earns more than me (similar fields) he has been made redundant or put on short hours 4 times in the last 20 years. My more mundane public sector work is more stable. It’s a good partnership.