Is there a salary your partner would have to earn to encourage you to be a stay at home partner/parent?

[Peppynana]

Just wondering what salary your partner would have to earn in order for you to be a stay at home partner or SAHP....your answer could of course be that no salary would be enough to give up your own income and security!

I don't think there is a figure...... I joke with DH that even if we won the lottery we'd both still work in some capacity.

I have already made some concessions. DH earns £120k so enough for me to be a SAHP but I never wanted that. He often has to travel for work and we have no family help so I work part time in a steady job that fits around our family life. We've been glad of that when DH has been made redundant (more than once) that not all of the financial responsibility falls to him.

I worked hard at school and University and I want DDs to see that I go to work too and their dad also does the household chores..... those holidays we have and the nice extras are possible because I've brought in money as well as their father.

Why does nobody ever factor a man’s decision to spend more time with the children?

to be a sahm it usually means the dad’s job then has to be prioritised. Increased hours, increased responsibility, 100% commitment.

it often surprises me in the sahm discussion that no one ever suggests both partners going part time. Then you still have a full time salary, someone at home with the kids, and both parents get to spend more time with the kids.

best for us was both of us cut to 4 days. Then we only needed 3 days childcare, the kids spent one day a week with each of us, we had 1.5x salary coming in.

I see many women on her complaining about feeling like a lone parent because their dh is always at work. But surely that’s what you sign up to if you want to be a sahp? You want him around more doing the parenting, you need to pick up your share of the financial contribution.

Have to be £100k or more to be honest. I worked so hard to get qualified in my field while working full time. Took almost 7yrs getting a degree and professional qualifications. I would probably reduce my hours further. Maybe only do equivalent to 2 full days.

No amount would be enough for me to willingly give up my financial independence.

When I became a SAHM in 2004 it was for 3 reasons, I wanted to, dh earned 8–10 times what i did plus the nature of our jobs meant we’d need a full time nanny view working hours, the cost of which would have been over 90% of my take home salary. Hence no immediate financial benefit for me to work.
I went back to work when our youngest was 7

To take home the same household income on 1 salary he would need to earn an additional 20k of gross salary to our current household income (167k). I don't think it would be worth it for the additional stress and responsibility.

I'd probably consider it for 250k+ as long as he was willing to bank role me having hobbies and kid continuing to go to nursery. But I'd be bored in almost no time and probably end up setting up a small business or getting a low stress part time gig to jazz things up a bit. Maybe dabble in some volunteering etc.

I don't think any amount of money would tempt me to not do any sort of work whatsoever as I find it helps give me a sense of purpose and meaning, and an identity outside of the home. I also would not want to be solely reliant on my husband and think it would change our dynamic.

DH was on £400k and I was comfortable being a sahm on that. I'm not reliant on his salary though and have my own income and I'm financially secure. It was important also that I'd be a sahm during the school years, not just until they started school, because I deserved that time to myself after so much intense parenting in the early years.

No amount would stop me from working. But I would reduce my hours a lot. As long as he could top up my pension.

I took a career break when my children were born but my husband paid an amount into my account each month that I used for food/some kids stuff and anything I darn well felt like buying ;-).
I then went back to work when the kids were older (nursery/school) but ended up stopping again to care for my terminal parents (but they paid me a salary to do so and we saved £££ in care fees!).
I definitely don't regret my life choices. I think children only want to be with you until they are 14/15 and I wouldn't have given up an hour I spent with my folks! But I was definitely privileged to get to do what I have done and will re-enter the work space in the next year or so.
Money has been tight on and off and I think £80/90k is the minimum "household income" you need in the South.

We can afford it now but I wouldn’t do it. I’d be bored out of my brains. My job is a privilege and I get to work with interesting and fun people doing interesting and fun things in an organisation that values its staff and treats them well. If I became a SAHP I’d have to do all the cooking and cleaning instead of just half of it.

I do judge parents where one works FT and one is a SAHP.

Obviously not all jobs allow for working PT or one persons salary might be double that of their partners.

But I will never understand why it’s deemed acceptable for 1 person to work FT, further their career, have a decent pension etc and do a lot less parenting and housework etc and then 1 person doesn’t work at all, has no financial independence and does the majority of parenting and housework.

I would never agree to be a SAHP and I’d only ever agree to both working less hours to cover childcare.
I don’t think it’s fair that 1 works FT and the other doesn’t work at all.

Stay at home parents are stitched up like a Kipper. It’s horrifying how many Will victims there are of this scam that benefits only one Party within the so-called relationship.

MN is anti being fully dependent on a man.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an admin job but I think you’ll be shocked how challenging it is to raise 2 DCs on minimum wage, as well as paying all of the bills.

Your ‘plan’ assumes that DH will also be there being the main earner but we know that that isn’t always what happens.

Well we did that model so did most people we know 🙄. Professional jobs are so demanding two people doing them leave the family stressed to hell with small kids. One steps back when the kids are young. Everyone I know that did that is back in work now after 5/6 years out being sahm. Many of the returners are now out earning the men the men then step back and women become the main earner. The women are enthused by work and have a second wind and the men take a back seat. Life is long you can wax and wane.

Think it’s the best of all worlds. Loved my years with the kids as they get older you get more perspective on how precious those years are. When they’re gone they’re gone. I cannot put into words how glad I am I had that time with them stress free.

Maybe £100k but honestly I'd hate being a housewife. If we were rich- i.e. could afford a full time housekeeper and gardener- then I'd happily not have a job, but working is preferable to being responsible for the entire drudgery of running a house.

My reply wasn't gender specific.

It applies to men and women.

No, because I wouldn't want to give up work and be dependent on someone else.

Honestly, he’d have to earn MAD money, £250k +

We both work full time and currently bring in combined £120k, but I am a spender and if I were at home all day (have DS5 and DS8, both in FTE), I know I would just spend on shopping or activities (gym / spa / going out for lunch)!

This. In fact, if DH earned loads, I'd be tempted to work more as could afford excellent wrap around care later into the evenings etc, not worry about holiday cover etc.

Interesting question but like many others there is no amount of money. I like my financial freedom, and I certainly don’t want to be the one having to do all the domestic drudgery. I enjoy work for more than the money

Nothing! I’ve built up a good career after years study under and postgraduate. Im Now 54 and have had to take ill health retirement, so I still have a good income and financial security myself.
my BF stopped working as her DH had a company that was doing well, since then he left her, company went broke, gave up his subsequent job due to his ill health and she was left with a tiny home with a big percentage of it being mortgage, an 8 year old child and he stopped giving her any maintenance once she was settled in, along with being saddled with debt, she’s been in a dreadful position since financially. For me I can’t leave it to anyone else to secure my financial dependence

Over £90K to have the lifestyle we have at the minute. But I’d hate to be financially dependent on him.

My husband earns an insane salary. We don’t need my money. I still work part-time in my professional job. Something could happen to him and I would need to go back to work. I don’t want to have to get some random low paying job. I like the work I do now. I earn well and it works with my disability.

it’s just too risky to step out of the workforce completely long term. I did a few years as a sahm but I consulted so I could keep up my work contacts and cv.

I wanted to add that it’s also really important to me as a mother that I am always able to walk out of the marriage with my child if my husband ever becomes abusive. I don’t want money to be a concern.

I don’t think my husband would ever do that. However I grew up in an abusive home. I won’t let that happen to my child.

i do work part-time. However, my part-time salary is easily enough to support a household without benefits or child maintenance. If it wasn’t, I would work full-time.

None. I won't be reliant on someone else