Is there a salary your partner would have to earn to encourage you to be a stay at home partner/parent?

[Peppynana]

Just wondering what salary your partner would have to earn in order for you to be a stay at home partner or SAHP....your answer could of course be that no salary would be enough to give up your own income and security!

I suppose it depends on your careers and prospects. And ambition.
I am, I believe, very good at what i do. Having been out of the workforce for about 12 years it was only 2 before i was back to my old salary. (Adjusted for inflation)
Also I am earning pretty much as it’s possible to do for my skill set. I have no ambition to further my career.
I loved being a SAHM and now love working again. I’m bloody lucky I guess.

Not strictly true for me! Hubby is on £450k plus benefits. I was on half that - gave up my very good corp job when I became a mother in my 40’s. I do own a few properties before marriage (so have an income) and it took us so long to have a child - nearly 9. I have enough money to stay home until she starts school (private) fees included! She is nearly 2 and I haven’t even spent my mat pay. (Got full pay for nearly 7 months) plus bonus etc
I do not collect any benefits including child.

my grandmother never worked a day in her life (Asian background) was married at 16 arranged, had 5 daughters- including my mother all doctors! My mum is 68 and still in practice…saying that. Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had and the joke between us here is should be charging my husband double :). And after a few hours with the toddler - he is like I would happily pay 3 times…. And that’s just for the bedtime drama!

I’d probably give up work if we came into a huge sum of money (like a lottery win). That would be him, as I don’t buy tickets. Otherwise, I don’t think so

You’re 12 years behind on your workplace pension though.

what will your retirement look like?

I didn’t take time out the workplace but I did 8 years at uni. I am working with people who went straight into the workplace at 18. They will be able to retire much earlier and a much bigger pension. Mine will top up my government pension but won’t allow for early retirement, so I’m stuck working 10 years longer than I want.

dh is 60 and could retire now on a decent pension because he’s been working since 18.

It only works if nothing changes though… divorce, disability, redundancy, death… and the SAH partner is on their own, economically. With potentially no career to fall back on, and little money to their name…

Nothing. I took a year off after my Mum died, I suddenly had the money to, had had a stressful few years and though why not?

I was going stir crazy 8 months in. Bugger that for a laugh. To do it again I'd need there to be enough money for both me and DP to quit, so we could spend our lives travelling or something.

This

Depends on our outgoings, but enough to pay all our bills/mortgage, run 2 cars, live day to day without sweating the small stuff, pay school fees if necessary, save a decent amount for holidays and future plans and continue to contribute to my pension in addition to his.

DH makes enough to cover this and I was miserable at work so I'm a SAHM and generally very happy.

I was a SAHM. I would not recommend it to anyone. It’s a really good idea to keep your skills/ confidence/ network etc current but working part time if your husband earns extremely well. He might die or you might split up - you need to protect ans maintain your potential ability to earn money.

If you’re not even married then especially don’t give up work.

Over 70k, but that’s what my husband was on when I became a SAHM and now he earns well above that. It’s works for us, we don’t have to pay for childcare, always around to do everything that needs doing at home, when they’re sick and suddenly off school or the holidays. My kids like it. A slower place of life, with lots less stress for us. I’m not particularly career driven, enjoy my life and my freedom now the kids are school. Just do what works for you & your family.

Instead of people clutching their pearls “oh I could never, I must be an inspiration to my children and pay taxes” they should take aim at government policies towards parents that make it miserable to keep up with modern day demands and standards. Women sold the ‘do it all’ mentality is making people miserable. Most women out there are out working full time and running the household and everything in between. That’s not fair.

That’s very true - you don’t know what the future holds.

Sadly, my future meant an illness on my part resulted in me having to give up my career and I am now beholden to my husband to meet all our financial needs and for him to ensure me and and our children are all taken care of.

I hate having no financial independence and I am bored to tears.

Same here! I'm a SAHM. It became impossible to run two careers with a child with SEN. I think I'm done with my career for good. I would like to retrain and work again or move into a different area of work, but every time I think about it managing our child's needs becomes tricky.

The figure that made it possible was £90K. We have had to sacrifice upsizing our home.

You say partner. No one should ever give up financial independence if they are not married. If you separate you would be due nothing.

I gave up work when my DH reached £200k plus bonuses. I was only working pt on min wage and his salary increase was 6x my salary. I think if I'd been in a job I enjoyed I'd have stuck with it.
I spend my days walking the dog and going to the gym for the most part (between school runs). We have a cleaner and DH cooks 4x pw.
I'm interested in nutrition and fitness and think I'll retrain in the future.
It does feel weird that he's financing me tbh and I appreciate I'm in a vulnerable position.

What nonsense. It’s not ‘miserable’ having a job and having children. It’s normal.

If you chose a dud who doesn’t cook, clean and co-parent, that’s on you.

i'm sure those things are important to some people, but when I had my children I didn't have a career already so would've been starting from the bottom.
I wasnt a SAHM long term, but 5 years delay in career development was the right choice for my family at that time.

I disagree if its not what you want it is miserable and its only normal now but it didn't used to be normal. As a woman you can't win. I have family members who say I should go back and get a career after my maternity leave for my second DS ends. I have other family members who say why would I have 2 children just to have them in childcare more than they are with me. You can't win either way as everyone has different values and expectations.

For me personally as much as I know I will miss having a career and lots of spare money. The guilt of being at work full time and not having that time with my kids as well as the stress of dealing with when they are sick or school holidays etc I think I would be miserable having to try and juggle both!

Is it great for my partner to be the sole financial earner on just over 53k? No but personally the prospect of working full time and my kids being in childcare/school for 10-11 hours a day would make me miserable.

£150k which is what we jointly pull in now

If feeding and clothing your children is important to you, then ‘these things’ should be important to every parent. Of both sexes.

@SortalikeOk, my curiosity has got the better of me, what job ears 400k? I’m thinking finance sector?

180k. 100 to replace my salary and pension and the risk of giving up my job. Then 50 for himself and 30 to account for extra tax.

I don’t actually have a DH though 😁

I’d never want to be reliant on someone for everything - plus I enjoy the engagement and fulfilment work provides and like to be role model for my daughters

Enough capital to generate sufficienr income so both of us could comfortably give up work. £2,000,000 maybe.

I wouldn't want to financially depend on another person, nor would I tolerate another healthy adult depending on me. It seems very unfair in this era to put all the financial burden on one spouse.

Would part time not be an option for you? I found that the cost savings from nursery, the saved upper band of tax/student loan repayments and the child benefit cap all meant that going down to part time had an increase in pay relative to full time (until I later got promoted, but still more or less the same take home as paying the extra day of nursery and being taxed an eye watering amount).

I need at least 3 days of working to maintain my sanity otherwise I end up obsessing over the state of skirting boards or researching which vacuum cleaner is the world's best or just losing my mind picking up my tornado toddler's mess 😅 I'm definitely a much better mother and wife with work being an outlet, I was a rather anxious and fearsome figure during my mat leave

No I will always have my own career and my own independence. I am not going to list all of the reasons why as I am sure you can figure it out.