Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario

It's also normal for people his age to be married with children. He really is a grown man and he will fuck up a lot in life, as we all do. What is the worse case that you are picturing?

Worse case scenario - he gets attacked and he is laying down in the street bleeding to death and no one finds him, 😭 I know this is ridiculous

He is not a boy. He is an adult. If he's having his first night out at 24, he's been very sheltered. I'd be worrying too if I had kept a child tied to my apron strings for the best part of a quarter of a century. I would also be telling myself that thousands of young men his age go out every week and end up in their own beds without getting into knife fights.

Yes what is it you’re picturing? Drinking too much, getting lost, hooking up with someone unsuitable?

The real worst case scenarios- sorry to mention them, things like a fight leading to serious injuries, a stabbing, death by drink/drugs- are so so rare. There’s a reason why they are on the news and endlessly discussed on social media, because they just hardly ever happen. Hundreds of thousands of young men enjoy nights out all the time with no issues 🙂

You endure the feeling til you come out stronger the other side.

Well at least you recognise that it's ridiculous.

He is with friends, he's not undertaking any risky behaviour. I do think he should carry a phone. Why doesn't he?

Be happy he is a late starter and not a failure to launch, revel in the fact your son is doing healthy normal things.

Yep, its a horrible feeling. You are not in control of them and what happens when they go out there and start to party. I have two DD's who both started doing this at a much younger age than 24. Have one at Uni now who goes out all the time. That niggling worry that something might happen sits in the back of your mind but ultimately you DO get used to it.

I know that I raised my girls to be sensible and we went through all the usual pep talks etc and that is literally all you can do.

At the end of the day, bad things can happen to them anywhere, not just on nights out. So you have to trust that they will look after themselves and had a good network of friends who will also have their back.

When my girls started I had all sorts of fears. Would they lose their phone and get stranded somewhere? Would they have their phone stolen? Would they get their drinks spiked? The worse case scenarios go to Sarah Everard and what happened to her. My DD was at Uni when the Nottingham students got stabbed walking back to their digs and it has stuck with me.

But at the end of the day, we have to let them go, and there is not much you can do about it.

Those worse case scenarios you are picturing are very unlikely to happen. The worst that is likely to happen is he comes home a bit pissed and has a hangover tomorrow.

It gets better, I promise, and you won't always feel this huge amount of anxiety when they go out. One day it will just become the same as them leaving the house to go to work, or leaving the house to nip to the shops.

Exactly this .

Ah, I was the same with my second DD. She’s on the shy side, and I had all kinds of irrational concerns.

He’s with friends, and they should look after one another in the case of any unusual situation.

It’s uncomfortable when it’s a new thing, but I’m sure he will be absolutely fine.

Try to distract yourself with something. Being stressed about it will make absolutely no difference to his evening.

It’s so difficult when they are suddenly independent.

Don’t be daft, he’s an adult man. Many people are out at 16-17. You have to leave him to is and relax.

@custardcreamsrock my son is a similar age and I have the same worries. Sending hugs x

Blimey I thought you were going to say he is 14!

He'll be fine.

You don't 😂 It gets easier, I promise you - but oh my goodness, the worry!

Tied to my apron strings??? 🤣 yes I have kept him locked under the stairs and fed him on bread & water, 🤦‍♀️ ffs! Ever heard the saying ‘ if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing’ & ‘ be kind’ what a delightful individual you are 🙄

Thank you to all the other posters who have commented and made me feel better, it honestly means a lot when you know your not on your own and others have experienced the same things ☺️😘

I was pregnant at 24 - many people, even today, are parents themselves. 24 is exceptionally late to start socialising- are there any other vulnerabilities - mental health/ND etc? Does that explain why you’re so worried?

I grant that I was harsh.

I get it OP! I really do but u have given him roots and wings and off he goes. Find a good book/,film/anything to keep your mind occupied. He'll be fine. X

Possibly ASD, however undiagnosed, he does work part time whilst studying, it’s just never been his thing to go out,

I get it OP. Just make sure he texts you to say he's back safe. Do you have an App called Life 360? You could ask him to let you use it. At first you will tra k constantly when he's out, but after a while, you'll find you don't bother.

Him not having a phone would be the thing I would worry about the most.

I'm really not looking forward to that stage.

is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life??

Yes! Every time he comes home safely (he’ll be fine!), it’ll get a little bit easier, but I often used to lie awake at night worrying, with all of mine. It’s strange, but I worried much more when they were living at home. As soon as they went away to uni, I guess I couldn’t keep up the high level of anxiety required, so ultimately was much more relaxed! It does help as well to have a dh who is very much a ‘no news is good news’ person, to counterbalance me!

He's 24, FFS. When I was 24 I lived 100 miles away from my parents and they had no idea what I was doing (sadly, I wasn't a party animal, but still....).
If he gets drunk, does something stupid, makes mistakes..... so be it, because that's how we learn. I hope he continues to take steps into his proper mature life because then he'll get a job, move out and won't have his folks fussing over his every (perfectly normal) move!

Goodness I thought from your title that he'd be 16 or something.

I have two DDs, similar age to your DS and they both still live at home. They're regularly out at the weekend and won't be back until the early hours, if at all. I'm better now, but I don't sleep properly until they're home. I do worry if it's 4am and they've not returned or texted. I just assumed it was easier with boys but maybe I'm wrong.