Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

When I saw the title I assumed he was around 17. However there's a first time for everyone so your feelings are valid.
I was terrified when my first born went out clubbing the first time at 18. It never got much easier tbh until he went to uni. The benefit of that is that you just don't know they what they are up to so can't focus your worries unless you get the 3am crisis phone call.
My worst sleepless night was the one where they were having a house party in the basement. His friends had stuck egg boxes on the ceiling as soundproofing.. I spent the night imagining their house burning down.

I’d be more concerned that my son was having his first night out at 24!

I used to stumble into Pizza Hut (where I worked) still drunk. The stuffed crust was great for hangovers! Now I’m 40s and I die for a day and can’t function at all with a hangover.

Oh OP my son isnt that old yet but I am sure I would feel the same. I worry all the time now but he takes his phone ans has life 360. Hes 17 and fine with that.

My mum said she could never really sleep until we got in aftwr a night out and she is not really a worrier and then I moved back home around 30 and she would still wanna make sure I got back ok!

Hope he has a great time although I would probably make him take his phone 😆 awful mother i am 😆

I totally get it up. My 18 year old son has just started going out. I know the chances are he will be absolutely fine and have a great night, but I can’t help but worry and I can’t sleep until he is home. I’m regularly reading my boom until 4am, and blurry eyed the next day. I am sure it will get easier with time.

Your response to @SingedSoul was very unpleasant, OP.

What they said might have been close to home.

Ah ok, I get it, so by your logic, when a child ( regardless of age) comes to a parent and says ‘ I’m about to do x/y/z’ they should not be questioned about it, yea I shone a light on him & tied him to a chair whilst demanding every bit of information 🙄 if you must know, when he said he was going out I said ‘ ah ok, when you going? ( because I needed to know if I was at work and would need to ask my neighbour to come and let the dog out for a wee) who you going with? ( general interest in his life, surprisingly as a family we talk to each and have an interest in each other’s lives, conversations happen all the time in my house, it’s called being a family and talking to each other’

Thank you, I was a bit taken aback. She says of course she doesn't pass any anxiety onto her son, yet her husband has given her a nickname and tells her to leave him alone. Lots going on here.

It's hard - I was exactly the same on my DS's first few big nights out. It does get easier though, I promise you (although I might be eating my words on Monday night when he's out for his best mate's birthday...at an axe-throwing bar 😱😆)

I don’t know why people are being so weird about you worrying about your child. Yes he is 24 and not an actual child but he’s still your son and it’s normal for a parent to worry about their children! My eldest is 27 and a qualified doctor so clearly a competent human being but I still worried about her driving a long distance for the weekend, still worried about her backpacking in Albania last summer, etc etc etc because I’m her mom!
Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of us!

Oh dear lord 😱😂

yea I shone a light on him & tied him to a chair whilst demanding every bit of information

OP why so much hyperbole in your posts?

It’s mind over matter. My best friends son is a year older than mine and she couldn’t get to sleep until he was home, often 4/5am. I decided that while I could worry and ruin my own weekends by being knackered, I was resolutely not going to. And so I don’t.

I make sure he has his key, I leave a pint of water and some paracetamol by his bed, and I usually hear him getting in. So far, so good, but it’s been a conscious decision that I’ve forced myself to stick to!

Thank you, I needed that definition 🙄.

By your own admittance, your husband has given you a naggy nickname and told you to leave the poor boy alone. He know you much better than we do, so I'll go with what he says along with your first post, this is quite the about turn.

The 'by your logic bit'...doesn't really relate to what I was saying and just for future reference, you can't demand people get off a thread, it doesn't belong to you I'm afraid.

Thank you for this, at lest the majority of posters on this thread are understanding ☺️

I was married at 24!

I'd had my first baby by then.

I agree.

I was married at 24!

So what! How is this relevant to the OP @OneDayEarly ?

Why doesn't he take his phone with him @custardcreamsrock ?

To quote you on a thread from the other day….”do you want a medal?”

I have a similar late bloomer OP. I worry about him because he never drinks so I worry that if or when he does, it will affect him badly. He's a bit shy and socially awkward and never really did "going out" while at school. Now he's early 20s, at Uni and catching up and I know how you feel. I also worry he might get beaten up and be lying somewhere. Mine also never answers his phone/forgets it/forgets to charge it - but that's kind of a good thing because it forces me to accept I can't keep checking up on an adult.

I've also had to get used to it as my younger teen is much more social and goes out a lot now at 16. But it is hard, especially if you're an anxious person (I am too). You have kids, you protect them and watch out for them for 20 years, then the time comes when you can't.

I think the best way to deal with it is distraction - have things to do yourself, go out yourself, have a movie night, see friends, don't just sit and worry. Also I do calming meditations off YouTube which really helps with worry - try Kristin Neff ones, they're lovely.

I had a child and a mortgage by 19, but that never stopped me from worrying about my 20-year-old when he’s out and about. What I will say, OP, is that even though the worry never completely goes away, it does get a little easier each time they head out.
I hope he has an amazing night and really enjoys his newfound social life!

The chuffing numpty dropped it in a mop bucket full of water & bleach this morning 🤦‍♀️

It’s flipping horrible isn’t it, but I do take some comfort in knowing that it’s generally normal to worry about our offspring regardless of how old the are, despite what some other posters on here may say,
comments such as yours are extremely helpful and help my worries settle somewhat ☺️

Perfectly normal to worry about your kids, my mother said one time you never stop no matter what age.

So what he's a late bloomer, everyone's different, he's at a lovely age for going out socialising and enjoying his young years.

No news is good news...that can help, you aren't in charge here. At that age you aren't their priority. If anything happens you'll be there. It's unlikely to. Relax and be glad your son is enjoying his youth like hopefully you did.