Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

So good I said it twice!

I know what you mean. I get very annoyed with myself for catastrophising every time i know my uni son has gone somewhere late. I’ve told him to stop telling me because what I don’t know can’t worry me. I know I’m not ‘normal’ when it comes to the depth of my worry but I try very hard to stay rational. I empathise and sympathise with you, it’s like a curse.

You are never too old for your mum to bring you toast.

Truthfully, thinking of the young people I know, either friends of my DS, or the DC of my own friends, I don’t see this. Those needing additional parental input, whether due to their mental health or general flakiness, seems to be split between young women and young men.

I understand, my son is 22 and Saturday nights comes back at 4-5 am (more like Sunday morning ) . I don’t plan anything too strenuous on Sunday mornings as I wake up every hour checking the time and whether he is back and by morning I am shattered . He doesn’t know this of course and his dad sleeps throughout the night. When he was at Uni I did not worry strangely. No idea why ..out of sight out of mind !

And that’s fine, it’s a particular type of ‘boy mum’ (usually the ones who label themselves like that) that are the issue.

I am currently working with a 19 year old - he’s polite, funny, intelligent and proactive and he’s a joy to work with. He is forever trying to increase his workload and when someone asks him to do something, it’s done.

So it isn’t that all mothers of boys are like that - in fact the ones that are do tend to stand out

As long as he does it for her sometimes. Or at least does something nice. Otherwise it’s infantilising