Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

I also do have a DH who is of the attitude of ‘ he’s a grown man, leave him alone’ he also keeps teasing me and calling me Marie ( the mum in every body loves Raymond)

I had a baby and was homeless as a teenager.

But I’m not judging OP or her son because I know that we all mature at different times.

I’d much rather my DC mature slower than too fast.

Age 24 I moved to a new country. 👀
And please don't ask to track him as suggested. That would be insanely suffocating behaviour at his age. Lean into the joy of him finally participating in a completely normal life stage.

Thank you ☺️ i also did not grow up in a ‘ little house on the prairie’ drug addict at 16/17 begging on the streets for money, living in a Doss house, death of parent at early age etc, it wasn’t until I got pregnant that gave me the kick up the arse I needed

He's going on a night out, not to the Somme.

That’s quite the drip feed.

Do you think your own experience makes you more anxious about your children growing up?

I worry about my kids who are way younger when they go out, I suspect I'll still worry at the age of 24!

But more of a worry them not going out and living life?

I sonetimes lie awake imaging all sorts of horror scenarios when he goes out/ to sleep overs, but I know its v much a me-problem that I just need to deal with. I worry when my 40+ year old husband goes out on a rare big night out drinking... which is rediculous i know!

Yes something awful might happen, but also being miserable depressed staying in room pretty worrying too.

i'm afraid i think you have to just suck it up, recognise your anxiety and get through it. The more he goes out the easier it will get.

How to stop worrying?

How about thinking the alternative

He has found some friends he feels comfortable going out with
instead of being in on a Friday evening he’s gone out to enjoy the night tine economy
he will have a lovely story to tell you when you speak to him
he might cross paths with a drunk knob but it will just be a reminder that he isn’t one
but mainly he’s not staying again he’s finding things other things that are worth the effort to go out - have fun - talk nonsense perhaps even dance

it’s ok @custardcreamsrock

I wonder if he has only just started going out because you are so anxious and have passed these worries on to him. This reaction is infantalising a grown man. I'd say please don't pass on your neurosis on to him and let him enjoy this and future nights out, however it sounds like you have been questioning him about it and asking him for assurances.

Tough love.....you're selfish, it's not about you, take a big step back.

Stop it, this is how I'm going to be with my 2, they're infants but I worry about that first night out already 🥲

You're a worrier, there are many of us and I honestly think you feeling this way makes you a good mum. I never understand the ones who just let their kids loose and don't have a second thought about it. He is 24, but as you said was always a homebody so I understand why you would be stressing. But don't! He will be absolutely fine, and I'm sure he'll enjoy telling you all about it tomorrow over a McDonald's and a fat hangover. Takes me back!

They’re not ‘sharing’, they’re judging. Every ‘I was married at that age’, ‘I was living 100 miles away from my parents at that age’, ‘my dd was living in China at that age’ carries the unspoken ‘so why is your ds still living at home and only just starting to go out?’
Don’t deny it. You’re being disingenuous.
Most people on here thankfully recognise that it actually doesn’t matter. Let people live their lives at their own pace without judgement. At whatever age dc embark on new adventures, most parents are going to be simultaneously delighted and anxious for them. Surely any parent can empathise with that?

It’s normal to worry. My mum knew most of my mates, knew I was sensible, and I messaged her when we left a village pub crawl and went to town etc or went to a house party so she knew the destination/group change. I think you always worry but try put some stuff in place like make sure he covers up his bottle so can’t get spiked, buy his own drinks, avoid alleys, use a well-lit taxi rank, eat before you go out, buy food at the end of the night, know who you’re meeting…he’s 24, and I went out from being 16. Does he know the basics of being safe? Does he have decent mates who won’t leave him if he’s in a fight etc?

I thought you were going to say he was fifteen.

Best comment on the thread tbh

Whenever someone says their child is doing something, everyone rushes to say how much better their own children were doing at that age, imposing the question of why the OPs DC aren't the same. Because people are different, not everyone wants to live 100 miles away from their parents at the age of 24. Nobody here has any idea why OPs son is a home body, and it is nobody's business. Any excuse to attack and pass judgement. Cannot believe she has been called selfish for worrying about her son. Classic mumsnet

OP I was the same when mine went on their fist nights out, they all came home unscathed.
However now I’m dealing with dd18 being abroad on her first holiday with her friends, trying to act like a cool mum but inside I’m terrified!

Thank God you corrected her, I had absolutely no idea what she meant!

@custardcreamsrocksome of our kids have a rough ride to get to this stage and it’s wonderful and terrifying when they do.
I have had exactly the same fears, being stabbed, being attacked for being visibly different, getting drunk and drowning etc. I’ve just had conversations about being safe, reminded them to ring me whatever time and whatever problem and not to down a load of shots in the first hour 😂 I’ve picked them off the street (terrible), picked them up from friends, laughed at hangovers, it’s all worked out fine. It’s a nice milestone in the end.

If my son /daughter had only just started going out I would be the same as you are . I think you will feel anxious until he gets home but it will get less each time. I'm sure he'll be fine .

Although he is adamant he is going to work tomorrow for a 7am start, we shall see 🤣 and i absolutely will not be laughing at his inevitable hangover 😂

👏👏👏

Your reply is so OTT nasty (nastier than the post you are commenting on) that I wouldn't be surprised if @SingedSoul has touched a nerve and hit on the truth.

What a total overreaction. People have agreed with my comment. You are questioning a 24 year old of course you have passed on your anxieties, wake up. Also you have gone on to throw personal and unpleasant insults like a fourteen year old. The issues you have aren't just MH, otherwise all of us who suffer could just go around being awful. Having a mental illness doesn't automatically give you the green light to be a bit of a dick.

He’s got work at 7am!!!

Last time I went out I left the club at 4am!

I hope he’s more sensible than I am 😁