Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

So pleased he got home safe and I’m very impressed that he made it to work on time!

You should be very proud that you’ve raised such a sensible young man.

My point is that he's an adult and not a little boy whose mum needs to bring him toast and water.

You can surely see that life experiences can be what makes someone vulnerable or not. An 18 year old who is confident, has a big group of friends and has been socialising since they were 16 is going to be far more streetwise than a shy 24 year old, who is socially awkward and spends most of their time at home (not saying the OP’s DS is socially awkward, just demonstrating a point).

I bet your mum still worried about you though. Not that she would have told you, I would never have let on to my DC that I worried so maybe they weren't aware.

Men are also vulnerable to violence from other men as my son sadly found out on a night out. It’s not a bloody competition about men or women, or about age.

This was always my fear. It's easy for mothers of daughters to think the boys aren't at any risk. I won't go into detail but I've known this happen to my DC's friends.

It must be awful for adult children (or any adult) to be made to share their location or be signed up to surveillance apps like Life360.

I agree. The number of parents on the WIWIKAU Facebook page who track their student age DC is scary.

I have no interest in finding out where DD is at any given time. I like to think that I gave her the tools to be independent, and while hers has been a more winding path, she truly is independent now.

So what if he's a grown up - did you read my post? Adults can bring other adults water and toast you know.

I'm 67 and DH brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning.

That's lovely! It shows he cares 😊

I have read the above comments about the toast obviously he’s capable at 24 as are my adult kids but if mine have been drinking and feel rubbish I would take them some toast or a drink possibly some painkillers. It’s personal choice but it makes them feel cared about. I’ve had lots of conversations about the nights out and what everyone got up to this way which often reassured me of their capabilities also to the danger my daughter’s friend was spiked one night and taken home to parents by her friends. I was really shocked but proud of them were 19 at time they all got home safely.
As a mum of 5 I know kids grow up really fast, go off to uni have kids of their own really quickly. life is busy opportunities to talk and learn who they are becoming don’t always happen that often you don’t have to but surely taking some a cup of tea and some toast won’t hurt anyone (I did say maybe) taking the opportunity to talk to your kids check they don’t have alcohol poisoning or something is not a waste of time. This is just my opinion you all do you. She did say son has possible autism so may not really be as mature as others. Regardless he’s not been out before so this is new to them.
Also we learn from other people next time they are hungover they know toast tea water pain killers might make them feel better may be obvious but we all learnt it from somewhere. They move out of home quickly this is the last bit of parenting them it’s just what’s worked for us and was a suggestion you don’t have to do it. I also may parent like this as I left a horrible home at 16 did years of underage clubbing and felt rubbish so many mornings where I felt so bad it took ages to get out of bed and didn’t have people who cared about me, I’ve never wanted my kids to feel like that maybe this is why I make the tea. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Men are also vulnerable to violence from other men

Men are more vulnerable to violence from other men than women are.

Doesn't it just!! He couldn't even fill out a fork without mummies help.

God help the young women and girls who are going to date these over indulged men. Thread after thread of men like this with mummy there to help. It's pathetic.

Before you spout your disdain and nastiness maybe it might be an idea to consider that there is very likely to be a back story as to why this young man isn't as independent as he should be at that age.

Or maybe your parenting is superior?

I have no skin in the game as DD is pretty independent anyway, but I don't lack empathy and compassion.

No, I just don't have a low bar for these over indulged boys that turn into infer indulged men. If he was capable of going to the states on his own there cant be that much of an issue. Even his dad says just to let him be. So on what grounds is there 'very likely' a back story? The bar is so damn low and it shows on this site.

So his mum helped him fill in a form - so what? Adults help each other all the time - or rather, they do in loving and supportive families. Sounds like that's an unfamiliar concept to you. Shame.

But then people moan about weaponised incompetence. An adult (unless they have significant learning difficulties) should be capable of finding out how to fill a form.

And it’s never the young women who need so much mollycoddling - I think that’s the issue

I help my parents with a lot of things so I understand about supportive families. But it’s almost exclusively boys that need their arses wiping

Why should they? Nothing wrong with helping another adult fill in a form. That's far from mollycoddling.

Oh - and our DD has needed more help than her brothers. So what? I'm glad we've been able to guide and support her.

You’re determined to make this level of coddling a grown man sound perfectly normal, I wonder why?
It’s completely different to adults just helping each other out.

Coddling because she helped him fill in a form? Don't be ridiculous.

Oh come on, it’s all over MN. Husband can’t use the washing machine etc - the men that these boys turn into are the useless partners of tomorrow.

Family should help each other out but some of the threads recently have been positively pathetic. And all mothers with little Prince syndrome.

No. Not just because she helped him fill in a form 🙄
Haven’t you read the thread? It’s definitely hitting a nerve for you, that’s obvious.

I'm glad he got home in one piece! I promise you it will be less harrowing next time - I suffer badly from anxiety but after the first couple of nights 'out out' for mine, I've barely worried at all. I hope his head's not too bad today - I'm impressed that he made it up and out for work at 7am!

I've read the thread - have you? And not only that, I have already posted on it a few times. No nerve hit, snarky, I simply disagree with you. Imagine.

Here, have a 🙄 back.

I dare not say what else we do in the family or else I fear that Adult Social Services will be banging the door down, and I hope your sitting down for this revelation but if we are sitting in the lounge watching a film etc and I get up to make a brew, I will ask him if he wants one as I’m putting the kettle on clutch your pearls tightly ladies as this must be the ultimate act of ‘ mollycoddling’ 😱😱😱😱😱

WTAF have I just read @custardcreamsrock ?? 😲😲

Ignore them - honestly, these type of posts crop up often on MN. They're not worth bothering about. Hope your son's hangover isn't too bad - it's a rite of passage having to go to work with a stonking one from the night before, it's the sign that you had a great time 😂

WTAF have I just read @custardcreamsrock ?? 😲😲

Ignore them - honestly, these type of posts crop up often on MN. They're not worth bothering about. Hope your son's hangover isn't too bad - it's a rite of passage having to go to work with a stonking one from the night before, it's the sign that you had a great time 😂