Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

Absolutely don't do this, because all it does is feed your own anxiety. It is highly disrespectful to a competent adult to track their every move.
For this reason, I'm delighted he doesn't have a phone with him - we all survived nights on the town before mobiles were invented.

Fucks sake, folk are really unkind on here!

OP I get you, my DS is 21 and was out last weekend too and I was the same. He has had a lot of MH issues and this was a big step forwards for him. Of course I’m happy for him, but was also worried and relieved when he was home! We have just got to ride it out as a PP said

I very much doubt you had a baby just to keep him with you for the rest of his life.

You raised him with skills and intelligence and awareness and all of that precisely so he could make his way in the world, and live the life he was set up for. Otherwise what's the point?

I was more concerned when my DS started driving. You are more at risk every time you get in your car OP. Not that I want to give you anything else to worry about but maybe some perspective?

What a difference to student days when parents had no idea where we were all the time. They must've worried constantly or/and learnt to accept we were living our own lives and make our own mistakes.

With smartphones the safety aspect is a million times better, also age 24 isn't a fresher.

Well maybe he's discovering going out is meaningful and enjoyable at last?

I was married at 24 🙄

Let us know when he gets home

Try to distract yourself. I was the same with my DS. The more he goes out the easier it gets.

Sadly, you put up with it until you eventually get past it!

In your case, you enjoy the fact that doing it for the first time at 24 means your ds is far far less likely to do some of the impulsive things that teenagers do.

Would he take a nokia or similar dumb phone like that, so he could phone for a taxi if he ever had to? That's the one thing that I suggest could be improved, if only because there aren't phone boxes all over the place any more.

Does he know how to drink, i.e. does he really understand that it takes far far longer for alcohol to get out out of the system than to go in?

Knowing how to pace himself will help prevent embarrassment if he does start drinking regularly on his nights out (24 is a bit old to get away socially with getting that badly wrong).

He will be fine, and eventually the stress will go away!

I hear you, @custardcreamsrock, I am currently catastrophizing because my only child, a few years older than yours, who has lived away from home for more than a decade, is travelling long-distance cross-country to stay with people they’ve never met in a city they don’t know particularly well. My imagination is running away with me. I’m sure we’ll both survive but I’m not enjoying this evening!

He's 24!!!! I'd moved to a new city & job half way across the world by that age.

Chill.

I get it. I agree with the poster who said that you endure it until you are used to it. In your calm moments feel happy for him and you! It’s a good thing he’s going out.

If he’s your eldest & has been a slow developer/a lot more naive and socially immature than his peers, you’ll be going through what a lot of us go through when they’re 15-18. It will get easier as he socialises more and you get used to it.

Watch the life360 add with the mum singing to her daughter about her anxiety- you realise it’s not just you who has irrational thoughts and it is funny but true! Remember before mobile phones we all went out survived. The odds are in his favour!

My dd was living in China at that age. I had no idea if she was home or not. All he's doing is a night out with mates.

This post is very concerning but not for the reasons OP would expect

what I think is definitely not helping is that I should be taking Quitiapene however not taken it for 6 weeks due to weight gain, so i suspect this is not helping my irrational fears, to everyone trying to be nice, thank you, I really do appreciate it ☺️ for the posters with the ‘ I had built a house single-handedly at age 12, worked at the coal face whilst doing so & give birth to 12 children in my lunch break, pls do me a favour and fuck off with your horrible attitude, everyone develops differently and at there own rate, there’s no right or wrong way, 😏
furthermore, as previously stated, ‘ if you’ve nothing nice to say, say nothing’ dickheads 😤

when people think the stage of parenting they are in is the worst, I say wait until they start going clubbing !
i understand the feeling and it does get easier.I remember it well.
what helped me was putting my phone on do not disturb, apart from my dc number, which stopped me tossing and turning checking my phone all night.
be proud of your son taking this step.

Jeez, I wish people would stop writing "worse case".

OP, he'll be fine.

I completely get you OP and am dreading this when my eldest gets to that age of going out.

Its nice to hear about a mum who worries about their child.

But honestly, he will probably have a fantastic time and he’s old enough to not act like a twat like many 18yos.

If he’s going to a city centre then there will be police everywhere and he’s with his mates.

The best times of my life have been on nights out, you just laugh and dance the whole night.

He’ll be absolutely fine and just feeling worse for wear tomorrow.

Don’t track him as that will just make your anxiety worse.
He’s also an adult and no one should have trackers on other adults.

for the posters with the 'I had built a house single-handedly at age 12, worked at the coal face whilst doing so & give birth to 12 children in my lunch break, pls do me a favour and fuck off with your horrible attitude

The thing is OP, literally no one has said that. Posters have only shared very normal, real life milestones. They are not horrible attitudes, they are normal expectations for most people in life.

Although I love this post, I would probably just keep my phone on loud.

If you put it on DND and he phones from someone else’s phone you won’t get the call.

He is very sensible, and as previously said, i have always encouraged him to embrace life and have fun, when he started uni last year he applied to go to the USA on like a exchange thing, i helped him fill in the form and my first comment when he told me was ‘ that’s amazing, how exciting’ ( unfortunately he didn’t get in, however this was due to technical reasons with the uni ) so I don’t want to keep him at home with me, that would be unbelievably selfish of me and not healthy for him:

Yes - but we all know what we got up to pre-mobile phones 😂