Older DS gone for his first night out, worried sick, how do I stop this feeling ??? 😭

[custardcreamsrock]

I start by saying DS is 24 bit of a late bloomer but has recently started Uni & seemed to blossom, however this has also meant he has started doing what is normal for young adults and party with his friends, this being the first time, ( was previously a home body) I know it’s normal for people his age to do this stuff, he is with friends, but my bloody stupid brain will not stop thinking of the worse case scenario 😭 he does not have a phone with him ( long story) but has assured me he will get a Taxi from the city centre home. He’s a smart lad, very sensible, is this how it is for all parents when they start having their own life?? P.s I do have MH problems so i suspect this is not helping the situation, I have not told him any of this and just said ‘ have fun, but be sensible’ and I have always encouraged him to enjoy life and embrace new experiences, but it’s killing me inside 😞☹️

Is he home yet @custardcreamsrock >>>???

Are you lying down on the couch with an ice pack on your forehead because it's past 11.30pm??

LOL, just kidding. 😘Don't feel bad about being worried, whether they are 4, 14, 24 or 54, we are still allowed to worry about our DC.

Hope he's OK and enjoyed his night!

Exactly!

Absolutely! There's not a magic age at which awful things stop happening to you - which is why, as parents, we worry (to a greater or lesser degree) and we don't stop worrying, regardless of their age.

The competition on who had the most kids before they were 24 is really hotting up ...

Well I must be very abnormal because I have a 19 year old son and really don't worry unduly when he goes out. When he's away at college I have no clue what he's at so and when he's home, I hope he has a good time and obviously gets home safe but it certainly doesn't keep me awake. The odds of anything bad happening are tiny and me lying awake worrying isn't going to change those odds. By 24 I anticipate having even less knowledge of his life and that's as it should be. I was living in New York for 3 years at this stage with once a week phone calls and precisely zero knowledge on my parents side as to my day to day life. We all preferred it that way.

Indeed. As if there aren't better things to do at that age.

I never worried about mine either, always knew where he was when he lived at home anyway, he and his friends often started the evening and ended it at ours. Sometimes we did lifts and pick ups. He started going out at 14, mainly weekends, and it grew from there. It was quite normal.

Op I feel you, I will be the same I expect when mine are older.

When I think of what I got up to when there were no mobile phones 🙈 I’m sure his friends would lend him a phone if he needed one.

Is he coming back to you or staying out?
I would actually be sat awake waiting 😂

Yep - like being out and about, having the time of our lives, and causing our parents to worry 😂

I feel the same, more for my daughter but also for sons too. Have them share location and maybe send a text to make sure they got home. Ignore the posters who say it’s not normal, it is fine if you are a bit worried, you cannot help how you feel.

😁

It is hard but you will get used to it. Ironically it was always my partner who stayed awake waiting for son to get in, but I think I slept because I knew he wouldn’t sleep till he heard the door key.

i worry more about my partner now as he rarely goes out at night so if he doesn’t arrive home at a reasonable time my mind goes all sorts of places. Distraction is the best tactic.

I don’t think it matters whether your DC is 24 or 17 the first time they go ‘out out’ in the evening - it’s still the same set of worries til it’s happened a few times and you see that they come back safe. I think it’s harder if they are living at home as you will be aware when it gets to the early hours and they are still out, whereas if they are away at uni / on holiday / in their own place then you are oblivious to their comings and goings.

He does need to learn to take better care of his phone though. And yes I know many of us survived our own youth without mobile phones but there were phone boxes on every other street corner and we knew numbers by heart in those days .

Remember this is about you, not him. Pls don't let him know how you worry, it's not his fault or problem. You'll have to just get through it, the more he goes out the easier it gets. Also I really think people have an irrational view of going out at night as opposed to by day. A young adult is much more likely to be hit by a car during the day. I don't get why there is such a negative view of socialising, isn't this a positive thing?

Thank you one & all for all your lovely comments and in your reassurances that although my worrying is completely justified, my somewhat rickety MH is probably making things seem worse than they actually are, he did indeed arrive home at 1am, evidence from the Ring doorbell suggests he was slightly the worse for wear 🤣🤣 he has now took himself off to work for a 7am start, complaining of a nice hangover, & muttering words of ‘ I’m never drinking again’ ( famous last words) 😂😂😂

Glad he had fun OP, it’s hard not to worry at any age but I’d be over the moon that he’s found some mates and wants to go out.

24? This ‘boy mum’ thing gets crazier!

A 24 yo man is far more likely to pose a threat than to be vulnerable to one.

I once heard Mumsnet described as a "bitch pit". There are some kind and helpful replies on here, and a few which fall into the "BP" category. Ignore those, OP. For some reason it seems impossible for some grown women to stop the type of nasty, haughty, bullying, competitive BS that you'd expect to see in secondary school. It never leaves some people. It's like Mean Girls. 😅 I see it all the time. So dull. It's like a witches coven on here sometimes.

Be kind to yourself, and only take notice of the kind and HELPFUL responses. The nasty replies I got when I posted something recently made me feel ten times worse. Thankfully, I was fortunate to get some positive/kind ones too and I'm glad thats true of this thread as well.

And it is entirely normal for a parent to still worry about adult children!

Hope he’s home safe maybe some water and toast about lunchtime. Put a film on next time make a drink and snack or do something that actually distracts you it’s really hard at first much easier when you can send a text asking if alls ok. It doesn’t matter how old he is he’s still doing something different he’s not experienced before going out drinking’s always nerve wracking for the parents. I hope he had a good night. It’s very difficult worrying about them being safe while there on a journey of independence I found it the hardest part of being a parent (teens and adult children) your not being unreasonable to worry though.

It must be awful for adult children (or any adult) to be made to share their location or be signed up to surveillance apps like Life360. Part of growing up is growing out and living your own life. Everyone has a right to basic privacy and that includes where they choose to go without being monitored, whether that is a pub, a park or a sex dungeon.

There are enough cameras and phones that if something happens (the usual justification), it will be seen anyway. And unless you ARE watching their every move non-stop, how are you going to know any sooner than the people in the immediate vicinity?

I am glad I grew up before this type of technology was invented.

Hope he’s home safe; maybe some water and toast about lunchtime.

What, for our intrepid young party-goer?

He's 24, not 4.

I daresay he can run the tap and operate the toaster at his age.

I thought you were going to say he was 15! I had no idea what my sons were doing at 24, they lived independent lives.

Please stop worrying.

Men are also vulnerable to violence from other men as my son sadly found out on a night out. It’s not a bloody competition about men or women, or about age. Parents are allowed to worry about their children from the cradle to the grave. This mum was worried and came on here maybe as a distraction or maybe looking to hear she’s not alone. But hey, come and have a dig about “boy mums” if it makes you feel better. I often wonder why I return to this site, probably time for me to give it up I think.

I daresay the poster meant he can make himself some toast and run the tap.

But even if the OP did decide to make him some toast and bring him water - so what? My mum used to do it for me, DH has done it for me, I did it for my DC. It showed we cared.
Your point was what exactly?