Do you do small talk?

[littlemousewithcrocson]

I never really understand what people mean when they say they don’t like doing it. Don’t we all do it instinctively whenever we meet someone we have to interact with? What would you rather do in that circumstance?

I'm terrible at small talk beyond "hi, how are you"? My mind goes blank and it's like I forget words exist, it's embarrassing and awkward for everyone involved.

I think the vast majority of people do small talk but it’s difficult for some of us. Given the choice, if I see a neighbour or acquaintance I’d much rather become temporarily invisible.

I'm brilliant at small talk. DH is hopeless. I think it's because I find silence very uncomfortable in a social situation so do anything and everything to fill it!

I quite like small talk and can normally find something to say. I hope it comes across as friendly. I like it when the small talk is easy and I notice when the other person is feeling awkward.

I try but it can dry up quickly. I feel awkward if it’s not reciprocated , makes me think the other person doesn’t like me. Probably true!

I have to do it a lot because of my job. The trick is to be very interested in what makes them tick - after the second question you can pretty much leave them to monologue whilst you say gosh, how interesting, what made you choose X at increasingly long intervals whilst you drift off and think about something more interesting.

Bit like controlled crying in suits.

Yes, and it can sometimes lead to deep friendships, or actually make someone's day. Sometimes you only learn this years later, when the person said you made a real difference to them when they were going through something hard, and the fact you talked to them literally saved them.

@Pistachiocake is clearly a much nicer person than me 😀

No, it’s not instinctive to me and I hate it. I never know what to say and can’t carry on the conversation unless I know them well. In some situations I just won’t speak. I am diagnosed with ASD and ADHD though.

I hate it, absolutely hate it. Yet I do it loads for my job.

I much prefer to get along doing my own thing and not bother interacting with others!

I'm terrible at it. I have no idea what to say to people! Apart from "how's your day been" ok r "what job do you do" what are you supposed to talk about?
I go to a running group and everyone chats and runs but I just run in silence because I have no idea how to talk to people I don't know

I find this phrase invaluable:

"What's been keeping you busy?"

Tbh, I'm not remotely interested in your job, so here is a get out clause to talk about something that you really enjoy etc. He's saved many a conversation.

Don't all conversations start with some kind of small talk?

You don't just meet someone new and dive into a deep, philosophical conversation immediately.

The weather is always a good one!

No, we don't all do it intinctively

It isn't instinctive, it's learned.

Some people don't enjoy it, some never learned, some are unable to do it for various reasons.

I do it when I feel it is called for, I find it pointless but I can do it.

What I'd rather do is either have quiet or a meaningful conversation.

I agree with @newornotnew that it is learned.

I was painfully shy for a lot of my younger life and could hardly talk to anyone. I learned how to do small talk when I got my first job at 18 because it was a public facing one.

Now I can do small talk with strangers. But I find it very very difficult doing it with people like neighbours or anyone who I see on a semi regular basis. If I small talk with someone I will literally go out of my way to try to never see them again because I can't be the same person I was when I met them the first time. I think that's a result of masking because I'm autistic.

I think the clue is in the name ‘small talk’.
Fine if it can be kept brief but not to be used for more than a couple of minutes. After that length of time I just want to escape.

I don't think this is small talk, though?

I like it! I find people fascinating. Everybody has at least one pet topic: as @ChagallsMuse says, get them started on it and let them run.

I can think of a couple of people whose only topic was moaning about their health. They made me wish they'd hurry up and die of it ... but I've learned many unexpected things about subjects from motorway design to cooking leeks!

I don't watch any popular TV, which can be a hindrance, but you can always get by with a compliment or a shopping question (etc).

Someone bothering to connect with you can make a world of difference.

Checkout staff have long provided this service (for no extra pay) and I do think the move to self-checkout will turn out to have a real effect on the nation's mental health.

I think that you can learn but it's harder for some people. I learned because of a job I had in my twenties. I've actively tried to teach DC how to do small talk, I think it's a useful skill.

No.

😂

I'm probably mediocre at small talk in that I can do it but wouldn't say I'm particularly good. I don't know if it's just me but when I have fulfilling relationships it's like I have more capacity for it, when I was lonely I found it harder. I don't know if I felt frustrated because I only had the small talk connections and it didn't ever lead to anything.

I enjoy small talk but it’s rarely me doing all the talking. I am interested in people and so ask them questions and actually listen to the answers. I think people who “don’t do small talk” are possibly just uninterested in anyone other than themselves.