Do you do small talk?

[littlemousewithcrocson]

I never really understand what people mean when they say they don’t like doing it. Don’t we all do it instinctively whenever we meet someone we have to interact with? What would you rather do in that circumstance?

Oh yeah I only do it with colleagues I'm friendly with

I'm with your DS here. Can only do big talk. Even if it starts with the weather, I can be onto climate change, shifting weather patterns and the hopeful uptick in renewable energy within 5 minutes. Meaningless chitchat with no interesting information shared makes me howl internally.

Yes, I am autistic 😆

No

No, I’m autistic and just for me it always felt pointless to me, that there’s an expected script to run through type thing to avoid silence.

What I was trying to say was that people with good social skills and who are good at reading people wouldn't pursue a conversation with someone who doesn't want to talk. Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough.

How do you talk to people you have to interact with then?

How do people who dive straight into deep and meaningful conversation meet partners or make friends?

Ah okay. Well sadly they don’t seem to understand! Ideally they would gravitate to others who feel the same way and then everyone is happy. But it is arrogance from some people that they don’t bother reading the signs (not everyone of course)

Most of us force our way through the small talk if we're in a situation where it's necessary, but I'm not going to make that same effort with a stranger at a bus stop or someone I bump into while out with the dog.

So did I!

I can do it. I just don’t enjoy it and after a few minutes of small talk I would much rather either move onto a more substantial / personal topic of conversation (but a lot of people don’t like this and find it too controversial) or excuse myself and go do something else.

Right now all my in laws are downstairs doing small talk and I’m avoiding it and mumsnetting instead.

But isn’t MNing small talk you might ask? No, because I get to say what I really think rather than be polite, I get to pick what topics to start or join in with, I get to leave whenever I like. I like conversation, a lot - but not small talk.

I agree. I mean, you have to start somewhere with people.

I kind of love small talk. Everyone has something interesting about them and I like to try to find out what that is.

That's not really small talk, though. That's someone who doesn't take social cues talking at you.

But what is her grandson's favourite pasty? 😂

I am a professional small talker! I work for a membership-based association that involves meeting a lot of people, events, socials etc. I think it helps to have an exit strategy in case the other person is less keen (or a bit of a bore!).

I don't think making small talk often involves accosting people on the street and forcing them to chat with you, though. It's more if you're seated next to someone you don't know at a dinner party or mingling at a work event or chitchatting at the spring fete or school gate, or with the greengrocer you see twice a week, or whatever.

As someone who's lived in three different countries, you have to start somewhere with building social relationships. Although small talk in a different language was challenging for a while 😅

I'm not a huge fan of it, I'd prefer a deep and real conversation

I do love a bit of small talk. I like meeting people. I like having random chats with random people and learning about them. It energises me.

I understand that. I can do it when I have to. I don’t mind if, when I’m out in public somewhere, someone asks a question or something but I find it draining if they expect me to chat to them.

Tbf it takes a special kind of arse to try to have a conversation with someone who has EarPods in and isn’t doing eye contact/smiling. I admit I do take my EarPods out pointedly.

Actually, so do I, but there has to be a starting point.

Yeah, it's a little weird if you're standing in line, waiting for a coffee and the person next to you rolls their eyes and says, they're so slow this morning, crazy, but a least it's nice out today, and you respond with, how often do you think about death?

😂😂 Not a bad way to kill off unwanted small talk, though.