I'm so sad for my husband

[Jaynewayd]

Unsure what i want to get out of this post but maybe some advice or to just vent.

Three young children - youngest being 1.

My husband works for himself from home.

I work away. I went back to work when the baby was 3 months old. I'm away in a different country four / five days a week and back two or three. Then away again. So pretty much full time. On the side of this, I have some side businesses. So we both work HARD.

My husband is struggling. He's really unhappy. He feels left behind. I can see it in his eyes.

He's always wanted to do something different as a career. But what he wants to do cost a FORTUNE to become. And now in his mid 40s hes starting to realise he may never be able to do it

I LOVE my job but said I could give it up to stay with the kids whilst he trains. But obviously financially that doesn't work. We talked about selling the house to use some money from it. But then what , live in rented for a few years and build ourselves back up?! He shared with me recently that his business isn't doing as well as it used to and he was struggling to make some payments. Obviously I stepped in to help. But it's sad how in 2026, people who work this hard still just scrape by!

I'm just so sad for him. He works so hard. Such a good dad. He just deserves more than what hes doing now and I can't help him. Every time I leave the house for work, I can see how sad he is but will never tell me. Its breaking my heart :-(

FFS. This thread has been a real eye-opener. Is it any wonder that the glass ceiling still seems to be set in concrete.

So many women criticising a woman who has worked her ass off to break into that elite of professions, training for and now doing a job that requires total commitment, whilst doing everything she can to support her husband and ensure her children are well taken care of.

She still manages to parent her children THREE full days a week. She is a star and a role model for girls growing up today, but if attitudes don’t change - including some (too many!) other women’s attitudes - female pilots will still struggle 10, 20, however many years from now.

50 years ago when I was young, airlines would not even accept female pilots. At this rate it’ll take 50 or more years to achieve parity.

You can still feel lonely

How drained can he feel with a nanny, helpful relatives and his own job? Pass me the world’s smallest violin.

If this was the other way around, the SAHM would be getting judged for not having to work and having lots of support in terms of nanny and auntie......

The bloke has a full time nanny- he has lots of time

I feel sad for your young children, if you are both working long hours, you'll never get that time back.

You are amazing! So very cool!

I just wanted to say, it is super easy from this thread to find out who you are (I’m sorry for the googling I just loved your career story). Just in case you wanted to pull the thread to protect your anonymity.

I am so very confused by these responses. You're working in a successful and lucrative job, providing for your family. Your husband is able to work, socialise and do his hobbies. He has been given ample opportunities to pursue his own career path - opportunities you have created for him. You have regular childcare, home care and your children are settled (it's not all falling to him to do, while you 'swan off').

I'm sorry OP, I'm not sure what people want from you? It's not your responsibility to make your husband's career dreams come true, when he hasn't been putting the effort in himself. It really seems like you've tried to help a lot already and are continuing to do so.

You can't take a step back from your career to enable this as it doesn't make sense financially (nor should you, when you've worked so hard for it). That isn't practical at all.

I'm truly sorry he's going through a tough time, but it sounds like a midlife crisis and that he's unsatisfied with his own choices - you may not be able to fix this for him. Maybe try to get some support for both of you from a counsellor or careers advisor (with separate appointments for him?). It does sound like you've given him multiple options for how he could possibly get a route into flying, but he's reluctant to keep at it when it requires effort?

It may just not be a realistic option, in which case he needs to work out what will actually make him happy.