What is fair in this situation?

[Swellingtonboots]

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years. We don’t live together and have no plans to as we both have children still at home.

He stays over at my house two to three nights a week. I have a small mortgage and he rents. I very rarely stay at his as he lives an hour away and I don’t drive. I’ve maybe stayed over at his a couple of times a year.

He pays for 98 percent of meals out/ days out and dates. If we go away for the weekend or on holiday we pay for our own half.

I earn about £20,000 and he earns £50,000. He stayed over this week and used my electricity to charge his laptop and phone, showered and enjoyed my cooking and it got me wondering if he should be contributing at all to the household bills in some way. I’m not sure if that would even be reasonable or how I would even bring it up! Maybe I’m overthinking it.

I know his rent is double what I pay for my mortgage and he also must spend a lot on petrol driving to and from his area to make the effort to see me. He is an amazing partner. Kind, supportive and thoughtful. He always washes up after I cook etc

Would love some advice.
Thanks

No you don't. Term time only is part time. Full time means you work 40 hours a week, all year round, with 20 days plus BH annual leave. You're working much less than that.

Sensibly, you'd be looking for a full time, better paying job, so that you can support yourself without expecting men to sub you.

Teachers work a lot more than 37.5 hours a week during term time so their hours balance out with the longer holidays which is why they are full time. OP is not a teacher.

Do you think teachers work part time?

Technically yes, although most teachers end up coming in during the holidays and working into the evenings during term time too. Fwiw I don’t have anything against part time working, I work part time myself, but to be struggling with money and presenting a low salary after tax as full time when it’s really a part time salary is a little annoying.

Teachers work more than FT in the term time so their hours balance over the year. If they only worked their contracted term time hours, then yes, they'd be part time (about 0.8fte), but we all know reality doesn't reflect that.

"In England, full-time teachers in maintained schools are contracted for a maximum of 1,265 hours of "directed time" per year, usually over 195 days (39 weeks). This averages to 32.5 hours per week of mandatory in-school time, though average actual working hours are closer to 50–58 hours per week due to uncontracted preparation and marking. "

They arent being paid to work more than other people. They are just having to do a lot of work for free.

The teacher I work for comes in half a hour later than me and leaves an hour earlier than me every day. She does no extra work in the evenings. So it’s not always true.

Again the nasty comments about me expecting a man to fund my lifestyle are really uncalled for. I have never expected this. I left a very abusive marriage after 19 years and I’m trying my very best without any help or childcare.

I simply posed a question checking the situation I was in was fair financially in my relationship. After abuse it can make you hyper alert for these things and I don’t always trust my own judgment because of what I put up with previously.

OP just checking you saw my post about universal credit? You should apply asap. You’re missing out on at least £300 a month!

No, he still has his own bills to pay and he's using his fuel to get to you and covering most dates, it seems a fair set up to me as it stands.

Actually closer to £400 by my rough calculations!

This.

Yes thank you. I’m going to apply today and see if I can get some help.

It depends whether the op gets spousal maintenance or not re the UC. I get SM on a similar low wage + childcare vs high wage combo, and it is included as income so no UC.

@Swellingtonboots you are struggling because you aren't claiming the benefits you should be receiving. I've done a quick calculation based on you having two children (because you say 'the children')

Single element £424.90
Child element 1 £303.94
Child element 2 £303.94
Total £1032.78

Work allowance is £710, so assessable wages are £825. 55% deduction is £453.75

£1032.78-£453.75 = £579.03

*You are missing out on £579.03 (at least) each month.

If you have a third child, you are missing out on £882.97 per month.

Then she works part-time.

Yabu

I’m so pleased - your income could go from £1500 a month to £1500 + £400 UC + £184 child benefit (assuming two kids) + any child maintenance from their dad. What a huge difference!

Also, if you claim Universal Credit, you are allowed a maximum of £1836.16 towards childcare costs (85% of the actual bill up to the value of £2160.18)

Also look into council tax reduction OP (you need to do this separately to applying for UC) as this can reduce your council tax by 50-90% on top of single person reduction. Can make a massive difference each month.

YABU it’s fine as it is. He’s probably the one losing money £90 on a meal vs £1.50 to charge his laptop no

We definitely don’t spend £90 on meals. And like I said we might be able to go out twice a month if that. Sometimes it’s a walk or a trip to the cinema etc

Whereas he has breakfast and dinner three times a week at my house along with using my water and electricity and being on a much higher wage than me. I’ve been struggling and the thought did cross my mind if he should be helping in any way.

I don’t get any spousal support either but ex now pays child maintenance (eventually)

Thank you so much.

This isn’t what you were asking and is definitely not intended to be preachy… I’m also now in the position where I really need to cut food costs and our meals are not at all lavish. I enjoy cooking so I’m going to try to have some fun with it - finding new recipes, using cheap ingredients more imaginatively. A challenge to make the cheapest meal possible that is still tasty. You might be doing the same already. I just thought I’d put my two cents in

That was kind of you @Lougle to check what was possible.

@Swellingtonboots If you end up with another £500 + in benefits from this thread, it will have been worth the sniping comments.

Do you contribute to his petrol and car bills? YABU.