Do you like your Mum?

[Lemonthyme3]

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

To be honest, no. We are very different people with little in common and lots of things have happened that have made our relationship very difficult. I can't spend much time with her, for the sake of my own mental health.

I'm happy to say my own adult DC seem to like me a lot; we have a good and close relationship.

No. She’s selfish, stubborn and rude. I wish I did. I see her often because I feel obligated.

Thank you, this is heartening ❤️

I’m curious - when you say ‘kindest person you know’, does she have boundaries still? Or is she a ‘do anything for anyone’ type person who gets worn down by it sometimes?

(I wonder occasionally if the ‘best’ mums are the ones that give themselves to mothering completely, but I know I could never do that…)

Yes, I did like her and love her. We were not similar in many ways and we didn't agree on everything, but I would think she'd have been the type of colleague and friend I'd have chosen. I admired her braveness as a life long partially sighted person making the very best of a bad lot in that area. She always had the goss on local life and gave me all the family history. Her only major failing was being glass half empty not glass half full, but my Dad and I were the eternal optimists and both of us got on very well with her.

No, I don’t like her. Do I love her? I don’t know. A lot of water under that bridge. I care about her wellbeing and I wish her well. I would never wish harm on her. We are NC now, but when we still had a relationship, I remember saying, if this was a boyfriend, I would know this had run its course and I would break up with her because so many red flags.

She is just a broken person who has run away from all the damage and dysfunction she’s left in her wake her whole life. She doesn’t mean to be broken, but she still is and I don’t want that shit in my life.

I don't like my mum. She's a horrible cold bitch.

No empathy, no emotional intelligence at all. No warmth or love in her heart. My brother and I despair

No. She is very cold, rigid in her opinions/way of life and hard to know.
I will always help her when she needs it, but she’s like a stranger I’ve known for all my life.

I’m so sorry to everyone replying No - I feel your pain.

It helped me that I came to this realisation (that I don’t like my own mother) through therapy, and I learned that it’s… ok. I’m honestly not sure I even love her but the bonds are deep and I’d rather let that question remain unasked…

Somehow saying out loud ‘I don’t like my mum’ helps me, possibly because I know that by acknowledging it, I’m actively trying to break generational patterns and do better as a parent to my children…

It is a kind of grief. A grief for what we didn’t have, but desperately wanted

No, I dislike mine greatly. I do have friends who adore their mum's though.

Yes. I like her, DH likes her, our kids like her, my friends like her and if I see any of her former students (she was a primary school teacher) they tell me she was their favourite teacher. She's lovely.

Edited to add: she, on the other hand, had a really difficult relationship with her own mother who had intense depressions, was very critical and gave her issues re her weight. Mum really worked hard to get past that and to have a positive relationship with myself and my brother

No, I don’t love her either. I wish I’d had a mum who I could have liked/loved but hey ho. I haven’t spoken to her in almost 5 years now.

No. She is elderly and needs more and more support. I’m an only child and finding everything increasingly difficult. She was horrible to me when I was growing up but now she needs me. I wish I could tell her how I feel.

It hits so much harder when you have your own kids and look at them and just wonder “How?” . Because you can never imagine doing or saying stuff like that to your own kids.

No, and I like her less since having children and realise how little she cared about me growing up. I can't imagine treating my children the way she did (and still does) me.
I'm so scared that without a good model of parenting that my children won't like me either. I've put so much effort into breaking the cycle, but time will tell if it's been enough.

Yes, I also like my MIL.
I have more in common with my dad in terms of interests (we both like darts, pool, and the pub) but I’m more like my mum personality wise. We both have a similar sense of humour and I do think if she wasn’t my mum we would be friends. Sometimes she can be a little bit stuck up and picky but we all have our flaws. Also the fact she’s a little bit picky means she always finds the best spots to eat in town.

She’s also great with the kids which is a bonus.

Yes she is wonderful- a genuinely lovely lady

I’m so sorry, that’s terribly tough on you, especially being an only child

Please don’t give up your good life to nurse a woman who wasn’t able to love you and see you as you needed her to, and as you deserved. Please prioritise the life you have, the relationships you choose, the dreams you can still follow.

I speak passionately on this because this is what I am having to do every day too, and it is quite a recent change for me. I have found many threads on here to be helpful. Hugs

If it helps I have a similar background and DD is a teen (when they hate everyone) and she actively seeks my company despite finding me cringe 90% of the time . We can definitely break the cycle.

Love this. I Love how you can see her as the whole person, flaws and all, but on balance still cherish her

thank you

I don't like her and wish she knew. I wish she got a real sense of it.

Thank you @EwwPeople that makes me feel a bit teary.

We can break the cycle

Yes - we have the same sense of humour and attitude to life. Both hard working, don’t suffer fools gladly and we can be a bit blunt and ‘tell it like it is’, which I know can be irritating. Both of us are good in a crisis and very protective of the people we love. I think we know we are both flawed and we accept this and have some real rows as well as the good times. There is no-one I trust more to have my back.

She drives me mad sometimes but yes l like her - she is quietly very wise too so l always listen to her advice even if l don't tell her that!

Mines's departed now but yes, we got on well and had a lot in common. She also understood me better than anyone else.

Yes, I do like her. She drives me nuts at times but she’s a lovely person and if she wasn’t my mum and she lived next door to me, I’d probably happily invite her in for a chat on a regular basis.