Do you like your Mum?

[Lemonthyme3]

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

No. And I don't know how you can love someone you dislike.

I like and respect her but finding it hard to spend lots of time together as her anxiety is hard to be around/ csn be draining. Short, frequent visits. Feel bad about it.

Yes. She’s very intelligent and interested in lots of things, the news, politics, the arts, books etc but she’s mostly interested in people. She likes to socialise and travel and be a hostess.She’s always been great to talk to about things - problems and worries and is a trained councillor. She doesn’t really rate herself very highly though.

Sadly she’s had a lot of health problems in the last year and has been worn out looking after my dad who has dementia.

I’m looking forward to seeing her tomorrow as she’s currently in rehabilitation after a serious leg break. That happened from a fall which happened because she’s too stubborn and wants to do everything herself still.

She’s 90 in 3 months!!

Not really she drives me nuts. We were fine for many years but that was because we only either saw each other or spoke on the phone about once a week. Now due to care reasons she is in touch constantly all day every day and I remember why I left home at 18 and never went back after teenage years when I just couldn't wait to get away from her. If we could just chat that would be fine but EVERYTHING is a crisis, I have to tiptoe on eggshells and it is exhausting. This isn't age related, she's always been like it.

No I don’t like her. For years I loved and adored her and wanted her to love and like me and she didn’t. I thought she was in an abusive marriage and actually she is a huge part of the issue and she is a total bitch and I don’t like her. I still want her to apologise and love me but I haven’t spoken to her for 6 years and not likely to now - she’s 82.

Ahh - mine’s a weird one… I’m the youngest of 4, a rainbow baby after a very late still birth…and i was a pretty awkward child. I was sent to boarding school age 7 (a kindness really as I really struggled with everyone else at home) and after that my Dad took on the main parent role (when I was home) and I became very distant from
my Mum. He & I got on pretty well but he died very unexpectedly when I was mid teens. My Mum became even more self focused initially (I was sent back to school a week after😖) but I did what I felt my Dad would’ve wanted and focussed on supporting her. Whilst she has never done ‘childcare’ or turned up at any school or sports event ever she has been a brilliant Granny - she is calm, kind and sensible with my teens whenever they require support. For the past 20 years our relationship has been one in which I have found more comfort than not and I’m grateful for the opportunity of getting to know her. I’m also aware that as parents there’s no manual and with the stresses life throws it’s easy to get it wrong. Would I have behaved as she did? Ideally not, but I’m not in her shoes. I have tried to fix all the failings of my parenting with my kids….no doubt they’ll have complaints too😬!! I happily pop to hers several times a week now & enjoy her company - be open to the changes life flings unexpectedly!

No. Not even a little bit. I don’t even love the woman- I don’t get on with her at all and barely tolerate her.
Im very low contact but that’s because she’s up and down health wise and I don’t want everything falling to my younger brother to sort.

God no. Mine is vile.

Unfortunately she’s no longer with us but yes I loved and liked her. I think we were quite different in some ways but had the same humour and always got on well. I often see or hear things I’d love to share with her or know she would have found funny.

I did like my mum. She was very kind … would always listen to me, cared about me and I loved her very much.
Safly she passed away some years ago and I miss her every day. I was very lucky.

I get on really well with my mum, enjoy chatting to her all the time. Don’t worry OP how you got on with your mum is not the blueprint for how your daughter will get on with you.

No.
And she doesn’t like me either, as I’m ‘too much like my bloody father’.
I don’t think I love her either. It’s a distant relationship out of duty rather than real care or love. She would say she loves me, but I’m not convinced she really knows or is capable of it really.
I worry an awful lot that my children will feel the same about me when they are adults.

My lovely mum passed away a few years ago now and I miss her every day. She was funny and we always found something to laugh about every time we were together. She loved my husband & kids too. And she wasn’t like that just with me - I’m #5 of her 6 kids and she loved us all the same. Would offer advice if asked, but otherwise let us get on with it and learn from our mistakes.
And the ironic thing is that her own mum walked out on the family when she was 4 and she was sent to an orphanage with her siblings, so never had her own mother to guide or teach her.
She was one of my best friends - and it wasn’t until I was an older teenager that I realised that not everyone had that kind of relationship with theirs, so I count myself very fortunate.

No,I feel awkward and searching for conversation..A good mum when we were kids but didn't develop into a healthy adult relationship. I feel guilty that I don't like chatting on the phone or going to visit.

My mum mainly gives me the ick! I dislike many of her choices (which have caused lasting trauma to me and my siblings), her lack of emotional intelligence and self awareness.
However she has the energy, imagination and creativity of a child that is fun to be around at times. She has loads of friends who adore her. That is until they say something she doesn't like, then they are just gone, oops!
Would I be her friend nope (she is not authentic), would I enjoy working with her nope (unable to prioritise, no follow through and unable think about anyone but her self most of the time). I love her as I can love every human being with faults and flaws. I won't cut her off she is my mum for a reason. We live and learn. She can't hurt me anymore. Also I would love to think that my shit don't stink but I'm pretty sure it will in 20 years 🤣

I love her but no, I don’t like her or particularly enjoy spending time with her, and I feel enormously guilty about it💔

I genuinely like my mum. We each, for instance, consider the other the only person we can stand being in the kitchen when we're cooking, and teamwork together. We have long conversations about all sorts of things, like politics and feminism. We get each other's sense of humour.

I do like her; she’s hilarious. But I don’t think we’d be friends if we weren’t related. My mum would defend me to the ends of th earth: but I don’t think she’d like me particularly if I wasn’t her daughter. We have really different personalities and lifestyles

She's dead now but no, I didn't like her. She didn't like me either though. She regularly told me right from when I was a child until a few weeks before she died that she wished I'd never been born, told anyone who would listen that I was a mess, a disappointment to her etc etc.

And yet guess who cared for her, ordered all of her food, medication, clothes, took her to every single appointment, visited her multiple times a day and so on? I'll tell you what, that nearly drove me to a breakdown. So no, didn't like her, didn't love her, don't miss her.

I genuinely really enjoy reading threads like these though, it's heartwarming to read about the lovely relationships some of you had with your mums ❤️

No. But it took many years to realise how horrible she was to me. For my 50th she was so nasty that the penny finally dropped and now I'm LC. Covid helped massively as we obviously couldn't have people round and when lockdown was lifted, I didn't restart the invites. So I see her for half an hour every few weeks, she monologues at me, I nod and smile, and get out of there as quickly as I can. She knows I can't stand her but we keep going through the motions. Bizarrely, she had been a great nan. But my adult kids have seen how she treats me and are always cautious around her.

No. She’s a nasty person. Pretty much all of her own family cut her off years ago. I’ve been NC with her for 10 years. She was abusive and a bully when I was a child so no loss.

Yes, she's fantastic.

I think a lot of it is to do with the fact that her mother was awful and she was determined to be the exact opposite.

Having a happy home, with kids who felt loved, wanted and secure was very important to her.

She's one of the most balanced people I know.

I didn’t like either of my parents. They are both dead now. I felt completely stifled by them, growing up. They didn’t encourage me to learn, or do well at school. My dad thought that women barely needed an education, as all women should be housewives. He believed jobs were just for men. My mum just went along with everything he said. She never worked during her entire marriage. Me and my older sister both married young, just to get away, we both married badly.

I grew up believing I was pretty dim and I did badly at school. After my marriage ended, I went back into education. I had imposter syndrome. To my utter astonishment I passed all my GCSEs at grade A and my A levels ar grade A. I went to university and I have a degree in public health and a post grad in teaching.

i still hate that my parents stifled me and didn’t help me to achieve any of my potential.

No

I don’t particularly care for her or love her that much the feeling is mutual

I stay in contact and see her every other month and have made it very clear I am not going to be caring for her

I wish I had gone nc years ago but won’t now and honestly shall be a relief when she dies

On the one hand she is not as awful as my dad and his partner so she is the best I have. She not a terrible or mean person overall.
On the other hand I simply can't respect her and the immature decisions she makes, this has become more evident since I have become a mother myself. She was the type of DM that I would report to child services now. So I don't like, admire or respect her. I tolerate her, sometimes pity and deep down resent her.