Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you like your Mum?

210 replies

Lemonthyme3 · 08/04/2026 21:35

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

OP posts:
Heelcrest · 09/04/2026 01:58

No, I don't like her and I don't love her. I have been nc for 6 years. I don't share her values and couldn't have a meaningful conversation with her.

driftingdownintomiami · 09/04/2026 02:16

Yes, I'd love to have been her colleague. She's the best person I know.

Kickinthenostalgia · 09/04/2026 04:13

Yes… after my kids she is the most important person in my life. Shes gone above and beyond for me and dc and I can’t thank her enough. We get on extremely well, she has a fantastic relationship with both dc. Honestly I’m not sure what I’d do Without her.

EARCphilip · 09/04/2026 04:39

No.

WoodlandLove · 09/04/2026 04:55

It's complex. I sadly lost my beloved dad about five months ago 😔
Most of my life I was definitely much more of a Daddy's girl. I adore my dad (I still talk about him in the present tense) as a soul, a person, not just as my dad, in both love and like senses.
I love my mum certainly. I like aspects of her. But, I really dislike some aspects of her. Not least because of the way she used to talk to my dad.
But, I also feel compassion for her, because I don't think she can help her ways. She's very childish and childlike in some ways, and honestly it's sometimes like negotiating with a toddler. I feel like her emotional development was stunted, through no fault of her own, and she genuinely can't see how horrendous her behaviour sometimes is.
She's my mum ultimately, and as a Christian I feel I have to give her masses of grace.
Yes, it's complicated.

prettybluecaterpillar · 09/04/2026 05:04

unsureforevermore · 08/04/2026 21:50

No unfortunately not. I care for her and I do love her in the way that she’s my mum and but I think she is horrible and if she was a friend we would have stopped talking a long time ago. I do feel sad that we don’t have the friendship level relationship.

Me too.
My mum is dead now but she made my home life a misery with her hair trigger temper and constant criticism. I left home at 18 and never went back.

I envy those who have/had a good relationship with their mother.

The only positive to come out of this was to make me very determined and independent. I'm now running a successful business.

catshatsandchats · 09/04/2026 05:22

LateFiesta · 08/04/2026 22:11

No. She is elderly and needs more and more support. I’m an only child and finding everything increasingly difficult. She was horrible to me when I was growing up but now she needs me. I wish I could tell her how I feel.

I'm in the same situation. I count the minutes until I can go home when I'm with her. I don't even know what it is that makes me feel that way. She's not a bad person, just weak and lazy. Her house is full of clutter, rubbish, and she knows I'll have to sort it all out alone when she dies, but seems to find it amusing. Her and my dad spent all their money making foolish decisions regarding jobs and there's no inheritance left. I just think she's ridiculous. She constantly asks questions about what I'm doing if I look at my phone. Spends money ordering new clothes all the time which she doesn't need and yet lives in cords and baggy jumpers. She's welcome to do what she likes but I'm tired of being the only one to sort out her problems.

Rozendantz · 09/04/2026 05:28

She's dead now, but no, I didn't like her - and the older I get the more I realise how dysfunctional my upbringing was. She wanted a daughter who was a girly-girl, not the tomboy that I was, which just made me a disappointment.
Her nasty comments were relentless, and I had to restrict her access to my DC after my DS asked me 'why is Granny so mean to me?'

MN is full of people who believe women are all wonderful mothers, but he reality is that simply isn't true.

2021x · 09/04/2026 05:32

We are currently estranged. I don't particularly dislike her but we are different and have different values. So I would go for a dinner or drinks but not much beyond that.

I know she finds it deeply sad because she is lonely and wanted me to fulfil that role for her, but I can't.

Pinkbananaa · 09/04/2026 05:47

I dont like my mom either shes a harsh bitter woman one id my dbro is no contact. Im low contact. She's s very demanding manipulative woman who will bark at you to get your own way. She is vile. Never apologies and thinks she can treat me like dirt. She slags my poor dad off who passed away. My auntie who also passed away was more of a mom and grandmother than my mom believe it or not they were sisters. Me and the dc dont like her one bit.

Ooihuko · 09/04/2026 05:51

she is often nice superficially but it's not always kind. When we get on she is often masking and it feels fake. I feel like I'm waiting for an explosion, it doesn't happen much now but it still affects how close we are. She doesn't know how I feel because it's not feasible to express myself.

I hope I would be different with my kids. I would want to be able to have an open conversation. But I recognise that they also struggled with their parents.

Londonnight · 09/04/2026 06:00

Yes, I like my mum, I love spending time with her. She is late 80's now so it's more difficult to do things with her as she is very frail. But we used to go out a lot together. We still really enjoy each other's company and can talk for hours.

Whatnow89 · 09/04/2026 06:07

It feels so complicated. I love her and she is a great grandma to my DD but I do struggle with her. She is very negative and judgemental and hugely sensitive so doesn’t have many friends. We get on well when she’s sober but unfortunately she has an obsession with drinking (both parents do). They won’t consider any activity unless it involves beer which is very wearing. A lot of my childhood was spent being very bored in pubs, made to top up my glass in the toilets whilst they drank pint after pint. She criticises modern parenting yet her way of controlling us was to smack us or make us the laughing stock to shame us into submission. She never told me she loved me but thought her parenting was perfect because the house was clean and we always had good food. Dbro is the golden child so I will never be good enough. She’s generally very intolerant of people and criticises everyone so I spend most of my time biting my tongue and secretly rolling my eyes. I would be gutted if DD found me as irritating as I find my DM. I feel sad that we don’t get on as well as my friends do with their mums. But I see their families bending over backwards to help and be involved yet my own parents are pretty selfish really. I asked for help recently and they completely dismissed me because it was going to interrupt a drinking session. I felt very sidelined and abandoned on a very rare occasion that I needed them. Reading this back I realise I should probably seek out therapy.

Sunshinedayscomeon · 09/04/2026 06:09

No, we have different values. She always has to be right, doesn't listen and is over opinionated.

Whatnow89 · 09/04/2026 06:10

I will add that the activity they were attending would still go ahead, it just meant my dad would’ve had to drive so he wouldn’t be able to drink… hence why they ignored my SOS and had a good night out instead. Even though they’d already been out the night before (just like every weekend).

Original poster
Lemonthyme3 · 09/04/2026 07:15

nocoolnamesleft · 09/04/2026 00:19

I genuinely like my mum. We each, for instance, consider the other the only person we can stand being in the kitchen when we're cooking, and teamwork together. We have long conversations about all sorts of things, like politics and feminism. We get each other's sense of humour.

I find this so moving, I’m so happy for you

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemonthyme3 · 09/04/2026 07:16

Kickinthenostalgia · 09/04/2026 04:13

Yes… after my kids she is the most important person in my life. Shes gone above and beyond for me and dc and I can’t thank her enough. We get on extremely well, she has a fantastic relationship with both dc. Honestly I’m not sure what I’d do Without her.

I just love reading this

thanks so much for sharing

OP posts:
DFOD80 · 09/04/2026 07:18

My mum......Yes I like her and love her. I'd like to think we'd have been friends and I'd have liked her as a colleague, for sure!

We share a lot in common; love of reading, words, animals, music. We don't enjoy the same genres of novels; she tends to like things that I find a bit more twee but if she shares them, I do read them and chat about them with her. We often recommend each other a wide range of TV programmes; nature docs, stuff like Mob Land, Slow Horses, Call the Midwife....the list goes on.

We both value our husbands greatly. We both chose well I think and I have a good blue print for a loving marriage which I am so grateful for.

She has superb dress sense and lovely clothes-I like clothes and can pick out a good outfit but then I can spend days in incoordinated scruffs but my mum would never. She is really quite glamourous-other people comment on it.

Growing up she was so loving, hard working, made us feel special, we had a lovely home, good food, bedrooms that she took care of. She taught me to cook and I see myself as a good cook thanks to her, she was not much of a baker but I've been able to pick that up myself.

We had tricky times for sure. Our relationship was hard work when I had my first boyfriends at 15/16 and she was horrified when I asked for her support to get the pill age 17. But we got past it.

We do have a good laugh together.

When I observe her as a person, I can honestly say that I have never known anyone truly like her. She has this childlike quality about her combined with a hidden yet quite remarkable fortitude to get through anything life throws at her. I'm always inspires by her qualities and wish I had them too.

My life isn't very easy these days and it doesn't look a thing like I imagined it would. Her support never wavers and she is a wonderful person in my life.

I'll be bereft when anything ever happens to her. I love her so much.

Original poster
Lemonthyme3 · 09/04/2026 07:19

Londonnight · 09/04/2026 06:00

Yes, I like my mum, I love spending time with her. She is late 80's now so it's more difficult to do things with her as she is very frail. But we used to go out a lot together. We still really enjoy each other's company and can talk for hours.

❤️

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 09/04/2026 07:26

I'd go so far as to say my mum is my role model. I wish I could be more like her: cheery, resilient, positive energy... I try.
She has a huge social circle drawn to exactly these qualities.

piscofrisco · 09/04/2026 07:35

I don’t really and it’s upsetting to say it. She is judgemental and sometimes wasn’t very nice to me when I was growing up and now, not in any serious way but sort of low level. She needs me now as she is older and my dad has died, and I feel very guilty about not wanting to spend time with her but when I do she slips back into how she was when I wa growing up and at 46 I’m fed up of hearing about what I’m doing wrong/what everyone else is doing wrong and what she thinks about things she has no knowledge of.
we wouldn’t be friends if we weren’t related.

SuperSange · 09/04/2026 07:41

No, I’m not sure if I love her either. It’s very confusing.

orangegato · 09/04/2026 07:44

No. She is a selfish manipulative narcissist.

ThursdayLastWeek · 09/04/2026 07:44

No. Or my Dad. And actually as an adult I’m not sure I love them either.

Instagram tells me about emotionally immature parents and low effort families and it all rings very true.

I have started real life therapy to help.

TheoreticallyAdult · 09/04/2026 07:45

Didn’t love her, didn’t like her. She’s dead now thank the goddesses.