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Original poster

Do you like your Mum?

210 replies

Lemonthyme3 · 08/04/2026 21:35

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

OP posts:
StudyinBlue · 09/04/2026 09:52

No. Cold, critical and judgemental. I don’t like or love her.

DiaryofWimpy · 09/04/2026 09:53

Yes my mum is a really nice person to be around

SJM1988 · 09/04/2026 09:55

No.
I feel she goes out of her way just to annoy me 90% of the time. I have little in common with her, she make every situation about herself and is extremely negative.
All things I try to avoid doing with my own children because of it.

Jellybelly80 · 09/04/2026 09:55

My mum was plagued with poor mental health all of her life which meant she had periods where she was very poorly. I loved her very much and yes, I liked her and loved being around her (even though there were times when it was very sad/difficult). She died in our local psychiatric hospital when she was 58 and decades later I still miss her.

RoyalPenguin · 09/04/2026 09:57

I love my mum and I also really like her. Although the sentence in your OP about working with her made me pause - as a colleague I would question her decision making abilities! But as a person she is very sweet and I love spending time with her.

estrogone · 09/04/2026 10:04

No. We would not be friends.

I feel sorry for my mother, she is a husk after an abusive childhood and domestic violence in her marriage to my father.

Strangedayz · 09/04/2026 10:09

No, I wouldn’t be friends with my mother and no I don’t like her. I think she wants me to be a carbon copy of her and I’m not, she has also become petty and judgemental in old age - however who knows, I might end up like that too.

Realistically, she is 40 years older than me, and grew up in a different world - I don’t have any friends of that age, so I’m not sure if that’s just that different generations find it hard to relate to eachother.

IamSimpleSimone · 09/04/2026 10:10

No. She was controlling, hyper-critical and (in the day) jealous of my youth. I’m not sure she saw me as a person in my own right rather than ‘her’ daughter. I moved thousands of miles to get away from her.
We are not estranged because I still have a good relationship with the rest of my family.
I guess I love her because I’m on my way ‘home’ to try to find her a decent care home. She has severe dementia and is actually quite nice to me now!
I find it all quite sad. A mother/daughter relationship is meant to be loving and supportive but that’s not how it worked out for us.

hedgheog · 09/04/2026 10:22

No, but I love her.

BibbidiBobbidiBailiff · 09/04/2026 10:26

God no. She was a bitter controlling alcoholic and I was relieved when she finally died. However I have tried to find compassion for her over the years as she claimed to have had an abusive childhood, except she lied about so many things I don't know if all the tales she told about that were true either.

gmgnts · 09/04/2026 10:28

No I didn't like her at all. I find threads like this very helpful as you feel less alone with such thoughts. I have a horrible feeling my DD might not like me deep down and I love her and admire her so much. I tried so hard to be supportive and different to my own mother. It's a source of terrible sadness to me. I suppose we are just very different people.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/04/2026 10:35

No. But I do love her.
My epitaph will say "she tried to please her mother".
I am not the daughter she wanted.

MNet has taught me she is likely a narcissist, enabled by her parents and then step 2. Father and step 1 wouldn't enable her, hence the marriages failed.

weareallcats · 09/04/2026 10:35

Nope!

AprilMizzel · 09/04/2026 10:50

No.

She makes it hard though -- she play her kids off each other - she incredibly critical of me and wants me in a role that doesn't fit. She did not want me to have kids at all - has often seemed to want me to break up with DH for no good reason - never wants me to have any fun or life experiences generally and has always been very negative about life and the world and is increasingly very rude to people.

I do love her and she can give good advice - so also after DH person I talk to most in life though mainly not in person but at bad tiem sin life do have to limit contact. I'd always wanted a better relationship but siblings stand in way of that as well as Mum not really seeing me who I am vs who she thinks I am.

redskyAtNigh · 09/04/2026 10:50

No. My mother is not a very likeable person (she doesn't have any friends either) as she is deeply critical and mean to anyone who is living their life in not precisely the way that she decrees. Which is everyone.

For those who do like and have great relationships with their mothers, what do you think is the secret? I have a young adult daughter (20) and would love to keep a close relationship with her but have learnt from my own mother what "not to do" rather than what "to do"!

LazyCatLtd · 09/04/2026 10:54

gmgnts · 09/04/2026 10:28

No I didn't like her at all. I find threads like this very helpful as you feel less alone with such thoughts. I have a horrible feeling my DD might not like me deep down and I love her and admire her so much. I tried so hard to be supportive and different to my own mother. It's a source of terrible sadness to me. I suppose we are just very different people.

I feel your pain as I have a similar situation. I over compensated ridiculously with my daughter. Gave and gave and spoilt her I think. She is very different to me and we don’t have much in common. I don’t think she enjoys being around other me although I know she loves me. It makes me sad too. I just didn’t have a template to follow which was positive so didn’t know what to do other than give her what I never had.

AprilMizzel · 09/04/2026 10:54

For those who do like and have great relationships with their mothers, what do you think is the secret? I have a young adult daughter (20) and would love to keep a close relationship with her but have learnt from my own mother what "not to do" rather than what "to do"!

I'd love to know that as well.

MIL can infuriate DH and has been a pain in my arse - but she always tried with GC - and she vists often - so a better role model for aging than my Dmum and a better model for our kids. However with three kids and pets and more limited money we already don't visit as much as they did with DH - I worry I'm already failing there.

frecklejuice · 09/04/2026 10:55

No. I love her I guess but I don’t like her and I don’t think I’ll actually miss her when she isn’t here anymore. If she wasn’t my Mum she isn’t someone I would choose to spend any time with. Same goes for my sister.

sakura06 · 09/04/2026 11:20

Yes. Very much. She’s lovely and kind. I could easily work with her and be her friend if she wasn’t my mum.

anonymous2134565 · 09/04/2026 11:42

No I don’t like mine. I’m just tired with her playing the victim all the time. She makes everything about her including other peoples successes. She’s currently trying to play myself and my daughter off against each other and it’s not working, she’s actually just making us dislike her more. I was only staying around (I’ve gone low contact) for my dad’s sake but unfortunately after spending all these years with her the control and manipulation is rubbing off on him and I hate it. My heart sinks every time my phone rings and it’s them and I’m in a constant state of feeling like I’m waiting to be told off and I’m actually struggling to cope with it right now. My daughter their only granddaughter is also feeling the same way as me.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 09/04/2026 11:44

AprilMizzel · 09/04/2026 10:54

For those who do like and have great relationships with their mothers, what do you think is the secret? I have a young adult daughter (20) and would love to keep a close relationship with her but have learnt from my own mother what "not to do" rather than what "to do"!

I'd love to know that as well.

MIL can infuriate DH and has been a pain in my arse - but she always tried with GC - and she vists often - so a better role model for aging than my Dmum and a better model for our kids. However with three kids and pets and more limited money we already don't visit as much as they did with DH - I worry I'm already failing there.

I had a great relationship with my mum until she died last year. Honestly, I don't think it's rocket science. Be nice!

My mum was extremely kind. Not just to me, but to everyone. She was just a genuinely caring person who would have done anything within her power to help anybody.

She was always ultra-supportive of what me and my sister did, and extremely interested. She asked questions and listened to the answers. But she never offered advice unless asked and there was never any judgement - she trusted us to find our own way through but was consistently there for support and encouragement if we needed her.

She was immensely proud of what we had each achieved and told us so often. She bitterly regretted that she had not had the same opportunities as we had enjoyed, but I never felt that there was any resentment for that nor any attempt to live vicariously through us - just genuine pride and pleasure to see how our lives unfolded.

As a grandmother, she was very hands on and involved, but again, in a very supportive way. She was fun and playful with the kids, and helpful towards us as parents. There was never any hint of pushiness or interference or judgment. She respected how we wanted to do things (even though dsis and I did approach things differently from each other) and she frequently told us both that she thought we were great parents. Her grandchildren absolutely adored her. So did my DH and my BIL, who she welcomed wholeheartedly into the family from the moments she first met them.

She was very thoughtful. She remembered special dates/events and often found little ways of showing that she cared, even when we were far apart. She always looked delighted to see us but she wasn't ever needy or demanding of our attention in any way. She never tried to guilt trip us about anything.

She had her faults, of course. And she got things wrong sometimes. But she always had the self awareness to be able to listen and reflect and apologise when she had got things wrong. And she never held grudges when we had got things wrong either... she was so quick to forgive.

I was never in any doubt about how much she loved me. Probably more than any other person on the planet could ever love me. She told me that often, and she made me feel it too. It was like she always saw the very best version of me that I could be, and she had absolute faith that that best version was the "real" me.

I miss her a lot, and I can only hope that I will be half as good a mum to my beautiful dd as she was to me.

sashh · 09/04/2026 11:49

My relationship with my mother improved after her death.

CheeseLand2 · 09/04/2026 11:50

Ugh it’s so difficult. Sometimes I get on really well with mine, she can be fun and has a good sense of humour. But she can also be very negative, performative, critical and gossipy.

generally if things are going well in her life then she is great. If she’s feeling down then she brings everyone else down with her. In essence she can be very up and down in her moods. She flaps and can be very anxious. So yeah, we have an up and down relationship.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/04/2026 12:07

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

I liked my DM, I still miss her. However if we had not been related its not that likely we would know each other - different generations, very different temperaments and largely different interests. If we met in an overlapping interest area then yes I imagine I would like her but that is not necessarily the same as being close friends.

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

I’ve rarely met anyone I couldn’t work with. I have no trouble working with people whether I like them or not.

Socrossrightnow · 09/04/2026 12:16

Yes… she is my best friend and was my absolute rock when my husband was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. She has been a wonderful grandmother too and my teen kids adore her. I know I am very lucky.