Do you like your Mum?

[Lemonthyme3]

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

Yes I love and like her alot, she's fab. I definitely couldn't work with her though!

I do, very much. She tries to help whenever she can (eg cleaning, hanging out washing etc when she comes over, she’s one of these who can never ever sit still!) and is one of probably only two people (DH as well!) who really notice when I’m not doing so well, physically as I have some health stuff going on, which I’m very good at putting a brave face on. She’s an absolutely fantastic grandmother to my children and she’s funny and bright, so easy to chat too. She’s much less judgemental these days than she used to be, she’s happier in her own life now, which helps I think, although it still slips through sometimes! Of course she has her faults, but on the whole she’s pretty decent. We had a rough patch in my late teens/early twenties as I struggled to forgive her and trust her again when she kept my abusive dad in our lives for so long, then immediately moved in an abusive, alcoholic stepdad in. Once he was truly gone (he did something even she couldn’t forgive.. but she wasn’t the victim!) and she stopped feeling sorry for herself over it, we did get back on track. I just had to view her as the individual adult she is, not perfect so won’t handle everything perfectly (or even remotely well sometimes!), and we could make progress

I couldn’t stand mine until she got Alzheimer’s she became a totally different person, kind, pleasant and non judgmental. Previously she was a terrible snob, nosy, critical and caused a lot of trouble. I cherish those years, she died almost 5 years ago.

Yes.
I happily socialised with her when she was older and took her out.
She made me cry with laughter and was just a really lovely person.

No, tbh I think her Mum pitted all her daughters against each other and as a result my Mum doesn’t like anyone female. I feel her sisters are the same.

What a lovely post - I hope you have many more years on the planet together.

I neither liked nor loved my mother. She's no longer alive.

OP if it helps to give you hope, my DC and I are very close. We speak and/or message most days and we have a great relationship. I've tried to base my parenting on what I didn't receive (but wanted) from my own mother by being loving, non-judgemental, kind, interested but not nosey etc.

Mine can be the absolute best company and do such kind things - we can talk for hours and have had some brilliant times. But she is also deeply unpredictable and can start an argument in an empty room, so I’m also a bit scared of her and can rarely fully relax in her company.

I hate that that is the case but I think if we were friends I would probably have let the friendship drop years ago as I’m really not interested in shouty rages and drama. What’s sad is she has a complete lack of self awareness and thinks I’m the one who starts all the arguments - but the fact is she has them with almost everyone and I never have them with anyone but her. ☹️

My mum is dead, sadly, but I did like her very much. She was lovely and the kind of person that nobody could really dislike. Genuinely warm, kind and caring, as well as being intelligent and funny. I miss her.

I know that my young adult dd likes me - she has often said how lucky she feels it is that we have such an easy relationship. We just gel somehow, and we think about things in the same way. I'm incredibly grateful for how close we are, and hope that it will always stay that way.

I’m obsessed with her. She’s the best person on the planet. She’s starting to show early signs of dementia though and my heart is breaking.

I don't like my mum that much. She's very reserved and proper and has never really approved of me or let me open up to her. But she was a good mother and looked after us well and I am grateful for that. She's ancient now but still the same ... rather disapproving and repressive.
My adult kids like me though. They must do because we talk openly and have meaningful conversations and do fun stuff together when we meet up. But I'm probably falling short as a mother in some other profound way. None of us is perfect!

No sadly I don't. I'm the only one out of my siblings who hasn't cut contact although I wish I was strong enough to

Yes I both liked and loved my mum and still miss her (she died 4 years ago). She was my best friend, she was an amazing woman who loved unconditionally and never stood in judgement. She wasn’t perfect, of course not, and her farts could clear a room, but when she got the giggles, it was utterly contagious!

This reminds me of my Mum. It’s so obvious that she prefers mine and my sister’s husbands to us and she’s really nasty about my brother’s wife behind her back.
When she was younger, she was a huge flirt. I’m surprised my Dad put up with it.

I adored her, and yes I liked her very much.

We were different in lots of ways, very different approaches to some things. But we got on well, would laugh together and she was just so gentle and fun and really non-judgemental, my friends all really liked her too and enjoyed spending time with her.

There would never be a better example of ‘just getting on with it’ and finding the fun and joy in life even in really hard times. She had a really really tough life in many ways but it just didn’t seem to dim her somehow.

She wasn’t a perfect parent, she made choices I wouldn’t necessarily make - but that doesn’t change how much I both loved and liked her.

Yes she's awesome!

I love mine because she's my mum but she's an incredibly difficult person, incredibly rigid and finds herself the victim in every situation she causes. I am incredibly close with my dad; he's my best friend. She's always hated that and blamed me for the issues she caused. So yeah, I do love her and respect her because she's my mum. But we wouldn't get on as friends or colleagues if we weren't related.

Yes my mum was lovely but she passed 9 years ago.
My dad not so much.

Do you like your Mum?
Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

I think these are different questions. I do like her (and love her) but it's been a process over the years rather than because she and I are naturally simpatico. She is quite a difficult person and if I just met her socially I suspect I'd think she was absolutely awful.

No. I struggle to spend time with her and from things she's said I think most people feel the same. She's maddening.

I often feel sad I don't have a mum I can rely on and enjoy spending time with. 😔

No I don’t like her at all. I don’t enjoy her company and if I’m honest I don’t love her either sadly.

My grandmother was the same. I've always wondered if it was actually her true self that appeared when she got Alzheimer's?

Am afraid mine was a product of her dysfunctional upbringing. Was a product of her time I guess. If I could describe her in one word it would be slapdash. From looking after objects, things, to relationships. No care applied.
She liked babies. But not older children. Had not a clue how to transistion a child to a teenager nor teenager to adult. Not without grief.
Did not know how to ensure siblings respected each other. Mocked her husband. Gossiped badly outside the family. Tenacious and worked hard. But that is not enough on its own.
I am afraid the answer is no. I didn’t see much to admire.

It does give me hope, thank you 🙏

I have mixed feelings about my mum. I love her but she objectively neglected us when we were kids and constantly put her own needs about ours (married 5 times to abusive men). She is emotionally immature and incapable of accountability and weaponises her tears which drives me mad. But she’s still my mum and she’s tried to make up for the past (generous with money etc) and I’m now her only child so I’m feeling the weight of responsibility. It’s complicated.