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Original poster

Do you like your Mum?

210 replies

Lemonthyme3 · 08/04/2026 21:35

Do you like your Mum?

I don’t mean love - I mean like

Would you be friends with her if she wasn’t your mum?

Would you be able to work with her if you shared an office/same company?

…I’m writing this because I wish I liked mine and I’m deeply sad that I don’t. I find it tough spending time with her.

But I have young children, and often wonder if when they grow up, they’ll feel the same about me, which saddens me greatly 😔

So yeah - if you like your Mum, help me have some hope that it can work out? x

OP posts:
Burntt · 08/04/2026 22:38

No.

she’s very critical of me being Christian but doesnt realise that’s the only reason I have anything to do with her support her through her old age.

she was a crap mother when I was a child though and always made it clear I was the least favourite child and a burden. I’ve never liked her even as I tried so hard to make her like me. I’m not worried my kids won’t like me as adults, we have shared interests and spend quality time together it’s nothing like the relationship I had with my parents. I will loose them to their own kids and jobs and general adult life no doubt but I’m not worried they will feel about me how I feel about my mother.

Changingforthisone66 · 08/04/2026 22:40

No, she's judgemental and negative which are 2 things I genuinely don't tolerate in friends colleagues.

Freddiesgirl · 08/04/2026 22:41

No

TimeBeside · 08/04/2026 22:41

No, I don’t think I would be friends with her, but I ‘do my bit’ spending time with her.
She isn’t particularly loving, doesn't give to anyone else, doesn’t think to provide or help others. Never invites us anywhere.
She is judgemental about others, never sees the good. I try to give a positive view.
She is a misogynist. My brother is the golden child, even though he treats everyone so badly. She lets this happen.

Sometimes I am invisible.

I am so scared I behave like her and really guard against it.

Lavender14 · 08/04/2026 22:42

Sadly no, but that's her doing. A long history of taking no accountability for herself and making nasty comments then playing the victim. Never ever has a good word about anyone especially not her own children.

It's really sad and I really wish it wasn't that way but she is who she is.

I work hard to ensure I'm not that so I hope I have a better relationship with my child in future as a result.

Paradoes · 08/04/2026 22:43

It's a painful subject but no. She isn't a nice or good person at all. I treat my children the exact opposite of how she treated me.

crystalmamma · 08/04/2026 22:44

I both love and like my mum but we did work together and it was a nightmare.

She drives me nuts because we are polar opposite in personality, we view the world and people differently quite often and I play mum more often that not BUT she makes me laugh til I cry, she is the best listener and gives me great advice, she would fight to the death for me and honestly I can’t even begin to imagine a world without her in it without feeling completely lost.

Its a relationship you could only really understand if your in it.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 08/04/2026 22:45

No

BrightBlueFlamingo · 08/04/2026 22:46

Yes, she's one of my favourite people🙂

EmmaOvary · 08/04/2026 22:46

No. The reason? She’s a cunt.

BarbarianBabs · 08/04/2026 22:46

I do. We’ve always been very close and we enjoy each others company and conversation. She is great fun and lights up any rom she is in. She is very extroverted but also has great emotional intelligence so can rein it in if she can sense others are not in the mood for such vim!

She is also incredibly caring and bends over backwards to help those who are special to her but she seems to manage to balance this so that it’s not one sided and she can lean on lots of her friends too.

ObliviousCoalmine · 08/04/2026 22:47

Yes.

Funnywonder · 08/04/2026 22:47

Yes, I liked my mum. If she hadn’t been my mum, she would have been someone that I liked, but with whom I had nothing in common, so I don’t imagine we would have been friends, but rather acquaintances who could get along ok. She was completely lacking in any curiosity about the world and didn’t seek knowledge at all, preferring to chat about very banal subjects. Nothing wrong with that - I do it too - but it’s very limited when it’s all there is. She was a gentle, generous, unassuming woman and in that sense I wish I was more like her.

rosydreams · 08/04/2026 22:50

I dont know for me its hard to know how to describe. On one hand she clearly cared but she did a pee poor way of showing it. On the other hand i was a handful special needs .but the fact she took out her pain on me i think i would have walked away

dont feel obliged just because your related if your real life friends treats you like crap are they your friends .I find it so hard because i feel like i should love her but love shouldn't be obliged just because you share DNA. Love is earnt and built on strong foundations through your experiences with that person

patooties · 08/04/2026 22:50

No - and that’s why I will offer her the same level of love and care as an OAP as she gave me as a child. My beloved sisters can do it.

Original poster
Lemonthyme3 · 08/04/2026 22:51

exhaustDAD · 08/04/2026 22:35

Ooh, now that's an interesting topic.
Everyone likes my mother. She is quirky, has the vibe of someone who is young at heart, loves a laugh and is usually the centre of attention. Her coworkers love her, every single workplace she had, all my friends thought of her her as "the cool mom" when I was a kid, my ex-girlfriends loved her (from my teens). My kids love her, nanny is the best, of course. On paper she sounds great. Someone you'd see occasionally, or at work, sure. But as her son, I can take very little of her without starting to be annoyed with her. This is mostly because of how I grew up. I am her son, we have 20 years age difference, and yet I am always the wiser one, the sane one, the one who thinks of tomorrow, rather than jumping into things randomly, and then wondering why life doesn't work out as planned. When she is around, my energy drops, I don't talk much. Because she talks non-stop, and I grew up with that. My system developed this mechanism of winding down when she is around. This was always a funny (from the outside) dynamic between us until I became an adult, and I started understanding life, money questions, decisions, consequences, work life.. and then her antics started annoying me. And because of that I couldn't say I like being around her much. Here's an example: She rents. Just as Covid was about to hit the fan, she had to move out from one rent and find a new one. I kept telling her to start looking weeks/months before she had to move. She kept waving it aside, being convinced that she will find something quick, because there would be so many available. (On what planet?). Anyway.. I kept warning her like some old man obsessed with time running out, she didn't listen. Time was up, and she asked if she could stay with us until she finds one. She was convinced that it would be 2 weeks max because she will find something quick. I told her I am not happy, but of course as my mom I will let her stay. I warned her over and over. And then Covid hit. And she was stuck with us for months. I was constantly on edge. I was an angry mix of "I TOLD YOU SO", "I KNEW IT" and "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE RESPONSIBLE?". She somehow saw this as me being not welcoming... Anyway...
So to answer in short: As a person I would just see at work, completely fine. As my mother who frustrates me with her life choices - nope.

I’m sorry, this must be so confusing as a child - to see her being ‘fun’ with everyone yet failing you in some of the most basic fundamental ways a parent needs to look after their kid.

being a parentified child is definitely a form of neglect. I’m glad you can describe it so clearly and see it for what it is now. I hope you have a spouse/sibling/friend that gets it and can support you

OP posts:
NotMyRealAccount · 08/04/2026 22:52

I admired my mum, and mostly liked her, but she had characteristics that meant it was wise to keep her at arm's length emotionally and my sisters and my daughters and I had to have eyes all around our heads to spot her trying to start a game of Let's You And Him Fight among us. As an adult, I'm not convinced that I loved her.

Kulwinder54 · 08/04/2026 22:52

Not really, she's a person who lived entirely for her family (was only ever a housewife) and zero other interests. I am the complete opposite.

dont think I'd be friends with anyone in my family, tbh

Greenfingers37 · 08/04/2026 22:54

LittleRedRidingBoots · 08/04/2026 21:50

I struggle with mine too, and like you OP, I find this really sad. I do love her but I feel a strange mix of and guilt and annoyance when I’m with her and I wish I could change it, but have no idea how!

You’ve summed up how I feel about my Mum too. We’ve never been particularly close-I was the invisible middle child who never sought attention and received even less. Kept my head down and never caused any drama unlike my older brother and younger sister.
I’ve never forgotten the time I told her I’d met someone (at the time I was 31 and living alone)-I thought she’d be thrilled but when I revealed he was a widower with a child, her response was ‘You must be desperate’. The irony is that, 27 years later, she clearly prefers him to me!
She’s now got (undiagnosed) dementia and I’m seriously concerned about what will happen if my Dad goes before her as she has said over her dead body will she ever go to a care home but could not manage by herself at home. I’m terrified at the prospect of this!
Feel so guilty about it all 😞

Happyjoe · 08/04/2026 22:54

I can honestly say for many a year my mum was my friend. She was great fun to hang out with when I reached my 20's and I admired her in many ways. I still treasure those memories and know I was lucky to have those years before she died and a mum like her.

My dad, I loved because he was my dad, but no I didn't like him much at all.

Monacoferza · 08/04/2026 22:56

Absolutely not

Ikeameatballs · 08/04/2026 22:57

No, she was overly controlling of me as a teenager, even looking back now as the parent of teens, and as I grew into adulthood she became consumed by mental health difficulties that have destroyed our relationship.

ADHDDoomScroller · 08/04/2026 22:57

I could have written this word for word. I am an only child and my dad passed away in 2009. She feels that we are close, and I know she loves me, is very proud of me etc, but my contact with her is mainly out of obligation and almost everything she says irritates the shit out of me. She helps with kids a bit and paid for us all to go away for Christmas, which we would not have been able to afford, but it sucked as everything is in her terms and was draining for me. We went for 5 nughts and i was in tears wanting to come home after 3! I feel so sad I feel like this about her and would never want her to know, but find it very hard not to feel envious of the amount of help other people get from their parents. How self indulgent of me to say all this, it is ridiculous on paper but can't help how I feel! Has been the same for as long as I can remember.

Happyjoe · 08/04/2026 22:59

Greenfingers37 · 08/04/2026 22:54

You’ve summed up how I feel about my Mum too. We’ve never been particularly close-I was the invisible middle child who never sought attention and received even less. Kept my head down and never caused any drama unlike my older brother and younger sister.
I’ve never forgotten the time I told her I’d met someone (at the time I was 31 and living alone)-I thought she’d be thrilled but when I revealed he was a widower with a child, her response was ‘You must be desperate’. The irony is that, 27 years later, she clearly prefers him to me!
She’s now got (undiagnosed) dementia and I’m seriously concerned about what will happen if my Dad goes before her as she has said over her dead body will she ever go to a care home but could not manage by herself at home. I’m terrified at the prospect of this!
Feel so guilty about it all 😞

Show quote history

My MIL said the same, but to be honest (and a bit blunt), once dementia has taken hold properly, they won't really be aware. MIL went into a home because FIL needed a break (and we lived far away), and she accepted every day when she asked to go home that she was there just for a couple of weeks to give FIL a break as he was poorly.

Booohooonc · 08/04/2026 23:00

Sadly my mum died in 2014. She was quirky,bohemian and a joy to be with. Great memories and she would be my best friend if still alive ❤️