How to limit my daughter's food without giving her issues?

[Notmycircusnotmyotter]

Cards on the table - I have controlled anorexia. I'm a size 4-6 and I cannot help but see fat as bad and lazy: I know this is awful but it's what gymnastics and Royal ballet school and boarding school instilled in me. I never talk about my weight or body around my children.

At home everything is cooked from scratch and there's always chopped fruit available. And yet my daughter (3) is more than a little chubby - she weighs 4kg more than her 5 year old brother. I don't know how to tackle this without giving her my issues. She's too young to understand health and I don't want to mess up her body image. She's a big girl, she really is, and I'm aware that big kids become big adults and I don't want that for her.

is there a healthy way of fixing this?

I agree. Biscuits and croissants are junk food. She'll notice the difference. Give him more protein like cheese, eggs. Much more filling.

Protruding tummy doesn't sort itself out for up to seven years I seem to recall.

Kindly, this is a you problem. Your daughter is evoking something for you. Please go and see a therapist.

He will only drink water. I add extra butter and cheese to his food. I make him cheesy mashed potato as a side to his meals just to ramp up the calories. He's tiny.

Both were breastfed and co-slept and I just want my perfect clever, kind, funny girl to be healthy

She doesnt have to be perfect. Whatever that means

Yeah this is a you issue. You’re projecting your issues onto your children

Keep cheese and meaty snacks out of her reach. She shouldn't be able to just grab random food and eat it at that age I don't think.

But it's true it's going to give her issues seeing her brother have things she can't. Do you think only skinny people are allowed to eat a croissant?

You haven't mentioned her actual height and weight. With respect you are not a person to be trusted with how you feel about your daughter's weight - you need to get some scientific objective facts about whether she is actually overweight (I would put money on her being a normal healthy weight). Break the cycle and don't give her your unhealthy relationship with food. It has already started but you can change it right now by working on yourself and leaving her alone.

Please, please don't limit foods that you allow her brother to have - this is exactly what my mother did, and my issues have persisted into my 40's. If she's sees foods as forbidden they will become more enticing.

Cheese is absolutely fine as a snack - perhaps increase her protein intake if she's still hungry. Eggs for breakfast? I stir in egg white to my DS porridge - it's undetectable and helps keep him satisfied. He also has peanut butter added for a bit of healthy fat.

What is a meaty stick?

What are her height and weight @Notmycircusnotmyotter?

But who has told you your ds “needs every calorie he can get”? You’ve already said you don’t engage with HVs, so who is telling you this?

Please stop treating your dd like this or she will end up with serious issues around food.

You can plot her weight into the growth charts that the health visitors use if you are not wanting to engage with your health visitor. You can they check her centile. That would give you an accurate understanding of her weight for her age.

I get what your are trying to say. 3 year olds can be overweight and I think you are being a responsible for parent to look for advice around this. I have very different children in terms of appetite and builds.

Is your son older or younger. If he is older than you can say he is getting a larger portion as he is older.

Go to the GP for advice as you're not impartial and need different approaches with both of your dc.

Has a health professional told you your son needs extra calories? Is he lacking in energy?
I’m not saying feed him less but you can’t feed one child nice treats like biscuits and deny the other one when she is only 3. I understand your need to prevent food issues but you’re running the risk of a whole different set of issues!

Op this is a distressing read.
The skinny brother being allowed snacks that the other siblings is denied feels like a pretty clear message which will start to hit home as she gets older.

Seek help if you genuinely feel she's unhealthy.
By your own admission, your perceptions and experiences around weight and body image have the capacity to be extreme.

If you're concerned about your sons weight and size, which you seem to be given you're trying to increase and ramp up calories, why are you making such a comparison between your daughter and him.

If he is too small, you cant say ergo she is too big because she is 'chubby' and he is skinny.

I can tell you’ve got an eating disorder because nobody should be obsessing over a toddlers weight like this. Weighing her; not letting her eat things her brother can? Utterly ridiculous. She will be weighted and measured at school. Preschoolers are often chubby. You need to get some therapy to stop yourself from projecting your issues onto your daughter!

The not engaging with HV and your fixating on your DDs weight are huge red flags, go to your HV and get professional advice not your skewed views.
48kg is 7.5stone, which is very light for an adult.

My children are late teens / adults now.
My only advice is we never made food an issue. Always had fruit and biscuits available

As they got older we had soft srinks and snacks of all kinds readily available. They've grown up self regulating.
Their friends who grew up with parents with food issues as soon as they had their money were binging on sweets and drinks.
Food shouldn't be seen as a reward nor as a punishment.

Give them more protein and stop feeding them brioche for breakfast. Your daughter is probably always hungry because you are filling her with carbs instead of protein. She doesn't need juice.

is she actually overweight? Have you checked the growth charts for both height and weight?

Although just to say I wouldnt allow a 3 year old to help herself to the fridge, that behaviour is for much older children

My dd at 3 had a protruding stomach, loads of 3 year olds do, they then grow upwards and their tummy goes more inwards. My dd is a teen now and slim, no hint of a tummy, 3 yo is v early to be concerned about body shape, especially when all she eats is controlled at home and at childminders. It’s unfair her seeing her bro filling his face and she can’t! Pls don’t do this - offer healthier snacks to both then so it’s fair

This is one of the saddest things I've read on Mumsnet for a while. You need to address your own issue with food first as you're passing your disordered attitude about food onto your children.

Where does your DD track on the red book centile line, compared with her birthday weight? Is she actually overweight or just bigger compared to her brother. It's very young to be thinking like this, as lots of toddlers carry a bit of chub and then take a stretch in height and it all evens out. My boy was almost as wide as he was tall, but he's not a slim build and 6ft 2.

Allowing your son treats and snacks and denying your daughter storing up all kinds of issues - for both of them.

Look up the term almond mom, you sound like the extreme end of this.

The problem is she goes in the fridge and takes things out
You allow a 3 y.o. unsupervised access to the fridge!!?