How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

I am not sure people mean to be rude. It's just a culture of envy and oversharing has set in, sometimes due to social media.

I also go to the theatre a lot, often alone because I then get cheap single tickets. But if I explain that, I get: Omg I could nevet go alone!

I get this with holidays too OP (and we have kids).

I simply respond with different courses for different horses - meaning that's what we save and spend money on and other aspects of life we live pretty cheaply - no finance agreements in place other then mortgage. No regular night out etc.

My DH always get asked this we do have a lot of holidays nice cars and often out and about

he normally says

you should have worked harder at school

Or I have a rich wife

We don’t have a car and we don’t eat fruit. We go on lots of cheap short trips away.

Oh I love going alone to theatre and cinema. I get to enjoy it in peace.

Never been asked, but when the kids were at home I could barely save anything.
But when the last one flew the nest , suddenly I had money!
I also saved really hard - and got my dream kitchen

Definitely say only fans 😆

I'm trying to teach my 18 year old all of this & tell him 'it's not just about how much you earn, it's how you manage your money that counts'. Anyway I'm proud to say that apparently this month he hasn't bought lunch out at work & put some money in his stock's & shares ISA instead so hopefully he is on the right path. I had no idea at 18.

haha love this!

"Well for a start, we don't pay any tax. Only the little people pay tax."

I hate this type of thing, it's so rude. When I've been asked this before I've been quite blunt and said ' because I have the money'

Reply.
’Why do you want to know.’
It puts them on the back foot. They have to justify being nosy.

‘Oh I’m in £20,000 of credit card debt’

"We budget for it" - true but tells them nothing.

MN favourite: Do you mean to be so rude?

😂 we've been asked it by other people when on the same holiday as them when they were surprised to find out both DH and I are public sector workers.

For those of an age that remember Harry Enfield and Friends...

"Because I am considerably richer than you"

https://tenor.com/XGJX.gif

🤣🤣

People know what we earn round about as wotk for the NHS on payscales as do lots of lots of our friends. My truthful answer is really boring. We prioritise holidays over everything else. We cut our hair ourselves, meal plan and eat in season, hardly have the heating on, have a small car and dont use it unless we need to.
On holidays we save by going mid week, make pack lunches, choose lesser known places. Do homestays etc. We often camp or use sun deals. Means we go away a lot.

I'm definitely going to just say Only Fans from now on though. I think it might be a specialist who goes for attracting people that lkke mix between cake and feet fetishes.

Oh, I am definitely using the Only Fans response in the future 🤣🤣

Well, you know what they mean. They know it's paid with money. You're being obtuse.

That said, you don't owe anyone any explanations at all. I used to always explain and defend myself to people. About EVERYTHING. It was exhausting and depressing, and I became quite bitter.. Until I decided to flat-out stop, and I've never been happier. People can be rude, nosy and entitled, so, just let them. Friend or not. It's not your job to convince anyone how you afforded something. You can't control what others think and say.

No nervous laughter, no laughingly apologising for yourself. Just live your life.

I get this too. I think it's because we live quite modestly in lots of ways because we just don't need or are not interested in things lots of other people are. So our house is all paid off but no interest in upscaling to a bigger one and having a mortgage again. I drive an old basic car with no finance. It does the job and I have zero interest in cars except that it gets me from A to B. We like eating out for a treat but dont want to go too often as it seems less special etc. My hair is long and straight and apart from a trim I don't spend money getting it done - I cover the greys with a box dye as it looks the same as when a hairdresser does it. I'm so boring! I reckon people think we are much poorer than we really are.

But I LOVE holidays and short trips and do lots. Also "investment" pieces like good quality winter coats, shoes, handbags. Home renovations. When I spend on stuff like that I get raised eyebrows and how did you afford it/ where did you get the money for that? So rude! But I'm actually quite well off, I just don't outwardly live like I am most of the time.

As for what to say, I usually just mumble something about priorities. I don't
know why people have to ask. I don't want to lie or boast.

Flip it back on them. I was complimented on my daughter's dresses and I mentioned where I'd bought them....I was fairly young, but had independent means. An older woman sneered and said,
"You can afford to shop at xxx!"
Everyone laughed. I was angry and embarrassed, but smiled in a friendly way and told her I never discuss money, as though I was above such things! The mood of the crowd shifted!

Don't let anyone make you feel bad. In the end, it's all relative anyway

'Lottery win. I highly recommend it!'

Then flounce off. That'll give them something to gossip about.

I'm astonished that people ask this! It's so rude.

I would respond with, "I was brought me up to believe it is rude to discuss one's finances."