How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

I'm similar to you @honeylulu and the irony is that people assume that people like us with our small houses, small cars, basic grooming, always wearing the same coat and giving off a 'careful' air are 'poor' when it's often not the case.

There's even a meme that says something like £1000 car and £100k in the bank, people assume you're poor, £100k car and £1000 in the bank people assume you're rich. Yet often the 'flash car, no money' people can't see this, which is the frustrating part of all this.

Foot fetish 😆
Only fans is a winner 🏆

I've been tempted to say,
oh my mum left me some money after her investments at the brothel, she was the top madam in England and it's really paid off over time 😆 👀 🤣
@AQuestionAlways

I agree with budgeting. People are usually curious about our finances as we have Dcs in private school and I work part time. DH is retired. I saw we budget. They don't need to know about a payout from medical negligence that has left me with a life limiting injury. Or that DS2 is on a scholarship. Or that when i moved in with DH I rented out my flat and have now paid off the mortgage so have some income now. Or that all our clothes are from charity shops.

I follow a woman on youtube who with her husband paid off their mortgage in the UK, moved abroad and retired in their early 50s. One episode she explained that they had a goal when their kids left home- to do the above. For 3 years (I think) they each worked a full time job plus additional evening and weekend work plus had a lodger. In 3 years they saved circa £100k. (This is all going from memory). So when people ask them how did they afford it I am sure a reasonable answer could be 'Because we bloody worked for it'.

This is so bizarre. I have never been asked that before, and never heard any mention that they've been asked this. Stealth boast?

I do get asked this quite often. I work for a charity and often people assume I do it voluntarily with no salary 🤣
We go on short breaks through the year and have 1 abroad holiday in summer. DH earns more than me which is how we manage but I usually tell people I sell feet pictures 🤣🤣

Anyway, I'm not perfect. I DO wonder how another school mum affords things. Extremely fancy cars renewed often. 3 kids at the school. All kids with expensive hobbies they each specialise in (Showjumping, sailing and skiing) holidays abroad every single term holiday. She doesn't work and he works in a similar industry that DH used to so he has a fair idea of the possible wage. I personally can't see how they do it, but assume that there is family money there somewhere or a lottery win perhaps.

I'm intrigued about the fruit - is that the surefire way to having thousands in the bank: never buying a bag of apples?!

but you don’t know how much they earn in comparison to the person asking the question so the reply given by that poster is answering the question that’s being asked.

it’s insecurity I assume of the asker, they are envious and looking for confirmation that you are lucky rather than it being something they could do with different choices. They must think they earn similar to the op.

a bit like me being asked or told oh you are so lucky being slim or how are you so slim. Because I watch what I eat and exercise a lot. That’s never the answer anyone wants. They want me to say I eat what I want in order to reinforce their idea that it’s out of their control.

Yep. I’ve a fiat 500 that’s about 7 years old but I just don’t care about cars. I also have no mortgage and healthy savings.

I always say ‘I married for money’ 🤣🤣 - I didn’t ofc. Husband was just lucky and was in banking in the early 90’s.

I assume ‘none of your business’, would be too rude and ‘off the back of a lottery win’ would be too glib. Go for …. ‘by being prudent with our money and investing wisely’. That might be boring enough to not invite further probing.

Only fans 🤣

This. With a suggestion of a pose.

Hopefully the shock factor will deflect.

I say “I worked extremely hard at school and uni, and we worked 70 hour weeks in our 20s and 30s to put ourselves in a strong position. We have never bought anything on finance except the house, which is now paid off. We don’t fritter money away. So we can now afford our two kids, two electric cars, eating out annd days out, gym memberships and two or three holidays a year.” If people are are arsey about it, I sometimes mention we also make substantial gifts to charity every year and we’d reduce our standard of living before we reduced those contributions.

That’s so strange though. Who would ever think it’s ok to ask - unless they were drunk. Senior public service also pays well over 6-figures, so …

It's rude to put people on the spot about finances, so this is never an appropriate question imo.

I would give a pretty terse response - 'it fit our budget' or something like that. You don't need to be apologetic or try not to offend, they've already been rude and you can match their energy.

Look shifty, lower your voice and say ‘Don’t tell anyone but we won the lottery.’ Then wait to see how quickly this information spreads.

The truth. "I saved up for ages" "Children have moved out now" etc. No need to be offended or turn it into an uptight spiel.

Depending on who was asking, I used to say either

"It's easy when you work 50 hours per week"

or "I'm a highly-skilled prostitute"

Don't answer.

Your finances are your buisness and no theirs.

Love this

"Rich men pay a lot for me to stay all night."

For context, I am male and one of those who could still pass as a teenager even when I was approaching 40. It usually shut people down.

We were the same when had no kids, both earnt well, I used public transport, partner had a provided work van and fuel card and we rented an apartment that had all bills/maintenance included. Would go away 4/5 times a year. Now mortgage, two kids, own our vehicles, me part time, partner self employed, no bloody chance haha

In all my years I have never ever been asked this by any of my friends nor I them. We even retired really young, I was 54 and then a couple of years later at 56 DH did.If I was asked and felt like telling them the truth is we certainly didn’t become this well off working in education we both made investments when we were young that gave stellar returns. We have never told a soul in real life that we paid off our mortgage by the time we were in our late thirties because of this.

There is some real merit to be had keeping your circumstances private.

I'd deliberately give a passive aggressive response. It's a weird question to ask, what are they expecting? A detailed breakdown of your income and outgoings? That's none of their business.