How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

I have literally never been asked this question and it not be a jokey "blimey, how do you afford that?" and the asker expecting an actual answer!

But for family I'd probably tell the truth - likely credit card with us - and with non-family I'd shrug and say I budget hard for it.

To quote Harry Enfield just
Say ' Im considerably richer than yow!"

I have literally never been asked this question and it not be a jokey "blimey, how do you afford that?" and the asker expecting an actual answer!

But for family I'd probably tell the truth - likely credit card with us - and with non-family I'd shrug and say I budget hard for it.

I'm loving these responses! I'm a single parent in an average salary job role, and due to a decent size inheritance I'm financially comfortable nowadays. I've been finding it very difficult to field these kind of questions, as they do catch you off guard! I'm taking notes of these responses to use at a later date.

The person we know (well, used to) whom I mentioned upthread was terrible for putting people on the spot. He would start by non-too-subtly angling after it but then would come right out and demand to know.

He was always very like the woman in the Zoopla advert, who starts off commenting that this is a nice area to live and the houses around here are in high demand etc. - and then, when the info she wants is not volunteered, straight up asking people what they paid for their house, followed by an extremely awkward long silence.

😂
We used to be friends with a couple who were obsessed with how much money we had and asked how much everything we bought cost. When we bought our current property in France we dodged the question. They actually found the listing (God knows how) and took great delight in telling us they'd found it. Weirdos.

We have this problem a lot.

Bizarrely most commonly from people who earn more than us and have lower/no student loans as well as inheritance (which we never had).

They know deep down they're bad with money, which is why they're getting emotional about your comfortable lifestyle.

I'm going to say Only Fans in the future!

"I bought a pair of scuffed old shoes from the charity shop for 50p, spent all day cleaning and polishing them up until you could see your face in them and sold them the next day for £1 on Vinted.

Then I used that £1 to buy two more old pairs from the chazza shop and polished them up and sold them for a total of £2 a day later.

I did the same the next day, and the next, and I kept on doing this for three weeks, never pausing for a break.

And then my billionaire great aunt died and left me the lot."

I get this too. I'm a single parent and went on a long haul holiday in October and I'd got an incredibly good deal after lots of shopping around and booking things separately. I paid around £3000 for 10 days for myself and 3 children. Although it's a lot of money, in the context of what it was it was very cheap and so literally every man and his dog was asking how I could afford it, or saying "i wish I could afford that"

I work full time, pay all my own bills and don't do much of anything all year other than one nice holiday and a splurge on presents at Christmas. People in my situation could also afford the same if that's how they chose to spend their money!

I’ve had the opposite of this - friends that I cycle with, telling me their jacket “was very expensive” in a “you probably won’t be able to afford it” tone. It was around £100, I think.

No idea why they thought that, we were neighbours of one of the ladies, albeit in a 4 bed rather than 5 bed house, and both in the same profession as the neighbours husband, whereas she was doing an admin role, so we likely out earned them anyway.

I just smirked to myself and thought if only you knew - we are older by 5/10 yrs than both of the couples and bought houses alone early on, so were mortgage free when we bought our 4 bed jointly in our early 30s. Extended rather than moved.

That was almost 30 years ago, and even with 2 kids, we have been able to save and invest a lot in that time!! I could easily afford quite a few of the cycling jackets 🤣🤣🤣.

I don't know about anyone else, but I have been asked this is a round about way. I'm Irish and many people here are 'begrudgers' and say things like 'jes, isn't it well for some off to xyz location for yourself'

When I know that a lot of them have a higher joint income than me.

BUT they prioritise their money differently which is fine. A few pints out weekly. 4+ gym/ yoga/ spin classes weekly. Cigarettes (now €20 a box!!). Huge car loans or leases. Changing house interior very regularly and hiring people to do it. Bigger houses with extensions.

I also had a colleague many years ago, who was bragging about his new Audi (bought with money borrowed from his in-laws) comment something like “It was more expensive than you could imagine or afford” or suchlike. At the time we could have bought it about 10 times over, with cash.

I still wonder why I didn’t tell him that outright, but I think I was just so shocked at his arrogance!

People obviously think we are poor for some reason 🤣🤣🤣

People are so rude. It amazes me how some people think they are entitled to know these things. I'd outright just question why they are asking you that

It depends. If someone was cheeky enough to ask me how I could afford something, I'd say I saved up for it (by not spending on things I didn't want or need as much). Actually, I'd probably just laugh the question off.

If it’s a good friend then I tell them. If it’s a nosey bastard who should get a life then I tell them to fuck off.

I would never dream to ask such a personal question other than to people I really think a lot of and we have a great relationship.

No not drunk it's always been on ski holidays in shared chalets. Skiing definitely isn't cheap but we prioritise it as a holiday as my children ski regularly in Scotland (it's not an elitist sport up here Usually same price as swimming!)

DH and I are not senior public service. It tends to be the same type that asks the question. Usually finance or city related roll, a alpha type personality/man who likes to show off about everything from cars to their kids. They also get annoyed that our children's skiing level too!

@MyLuckyHelper years ago I managed to get the kids to Disney Florida for 7 days. Honestly it took longer to research and book then we were actually there for. Timed it for the lowest demand week, just before the kids moved up a price band, on site hotel, no transport costs, free dining spread over all meals, careful on the souvenirs.
It was brilliant, so many happy memories, right age, right price. Never went back.
SIL was ridiculously jealous and we got a lot of grief even now, a decade later.
We didn't go abroad for quite a few years after that just UK breaks, again big location memories but really short in time.
SIL has worked her budget by involving the PIL who pay to play. Lots of days out to the same expensive click n climb. PIL booking airfares to Dubai for them all to have winter sun.
So if SIL was truthful her answer would be 'Daddy pays'
DH & I do quietly question how SIL affords the school fees, holidays, jewellery, travel, the horse. I'd love to ask her, perhaps I should. Maybe she doesn't eat fruit!

I get this too. People seem to assume my income and decide they can't afford things on 2 incomes so how can I on one. I save hard, research for holiday deals, have a low mortgage and a 10 yo car. I don't spend much on clothes, rarely get takeaways its all about what you want to prioritise

Our new next door neighbours were like this when we bought the run down house attached to theirs. DH runs a few construction companies, did the work ourselves to renovate.

We redid the garden first as were waiting for planning for the house and they were incredulous about what we were doing. Would literally come round every few days to gape at the garden in disbelief, constant questions about ‘how can you afford this?’ ‘How much are these tiles/trees/groundwork’s costing you?’. On and on and on. DH would mostly tell them the prices of things. We generally chose much more expensive materials then they had apparently.

DH was trying to be polite as we would be living next door to them, not that that seemed to bother them, they didn’t care about offending us! The man would come out to see deliveries during the day and ask how much everything was, then went through a phase of asking things like ‘your construction companies do pay tax don’t they? All above board? You are registered for tax? You are qualified?’, so rude!! Final straw they started gasping in horror one day at their sudden idea we might have no money left to pay for the house renovations. DH just said ‘I’m not asking you to pay for any of it, so it’s really none of your business, we have tons of our own money, thanks for your concern’.

They seemed shocked that a builder might possibly be richer than them!! They still live next door and they’re still pretty snobby, our kids go to the same private school now which I don’t think they like either 😂

I think often people are asking because they want to hear some luck or circumstance that was not available to them- eg lotto win, inheritance, finding a Picasso in the loft …

The simple reality of this in (probably most) cases being simply down to ‘decision-making’ irks them and any reply to that effect seems like a criticism of them - eg going for the promotion/working overtime, sensible saving and investment…

Obv I’m nosy about those with the lotto wins 👀

Yes, they get jealous because they see the fruits of your very hard work - whether actually working to earn the money or countless hours spent in researching, budgeting and planning to get the very best deal - and wonder why you are 'so lucky' because it doesn't just magically drop into their lap.

My work colleague is always on holiday, her DH also attends a lot of sport things and she rocks up at the races with the most amazing handbags.
It's all earned and invested income without any other lifestyle creep. I love my ever changing work wardrobe, she wears a work logo t-shirt and a jeans with a basic tote bag, no fancy work handbag.
I work less hours than her and spend more on maintaining our big house. She is still in the modest home she bought before the kids. Her children are slightly older than mine so off her hands.
So lots of factors. I really like her and the decisions she makes to suit her and we both listen to each other as we rattle on about booking the next thing or building the next project.

“It’s easy! You just have to sign your name.”

"Organised crime".

They must be really thick if they don't even know the obvious fact that people who work in construction - and usually have friends and associates in complementing trades - can invariably have a much nicer house than somebody with the same income but none of the skills, so they have to pay market rates to somebody else to do everything for them.

It's the financial equivalent of terminally thick people who cannot fathom that other people are very much smarter than they are - so they couldn't possibly know that for a fact, if I don't, and they must be making it up.

Mind, it sounds like your neighbours may be 'blessed' with both of those logical shortcomings!