How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

I have a colleague who is really financially stretched. She once told me her DH (who didn't work) was spending £50 a DAY on cannabis and cigarettes. She thought it was quite modest which it may well have been considering. But she was being slung a couple of hundred at the end of her month by her widowed elderly mother because she couldn't make ends meet and i would often sub her lunches during the months as well.

I was so shocked. But what it did was make me consider our finances a bit more and i realised that between the 2 of us we were spending around £300 a month on wine at home and going to the pub a couple of times a month. We immediately halved that, then DH stopped drinking entirely as he realised he didn't miss it and then I did mostly too. All of a sudden I had spare money to put into my ISA and into premium bonds which i never had before. I was brought up with the homily 'take care of the pennies... ' etc etc and thought I got it, but confess I do fritter on shite very often. So I try and pay more attention now, and I budget by taking out a set amount in cash every Monday and when it's gone it's gone.

Just say because we both work and like to use some of our disposable income on the type of holidays we enjoy.

"We're good with money," or "None of your business," said with a smile, or not.

Every single time people ask, reply with "Oh, I won it in a raffle."

"That's a very nice bottle of wine!"
"Oh, I won it in a raffle."

"A brand new Maserati?!"
"Oh, I won it in a raffle."

"Six holidays abroad in one year?!"
"Oh, I won them all in a raffle."

"You've got four kids and you pay private school fees for all of them?!"
"Oh, I won free fees in a raffle."

They'll soon get bored!

Coupons

Sometimes we tell the truth, that years ago we watched the Alvin Hall series “ how to pay off your mortgage in 2 years” and followed his advice exactly.
If people are being cheeky my husband always says, “I’d love to tell you but you know, witness protection”
A lady once stopped me and said, “How much did you pay for your dog?” No, excuse me or anything, I was so shocked that I told her! 😂

I invented Post-Its 🤣

What a film.

Most people are really funny over money and of course some spend on all sorts of things I dont. I am also working well into my 60's. So is DH!

We dont smoke,no mortgage, one car owned and other on PCP. Both wfh no travelling costs. Children long gone and still I have two friends who do probe as to why we are travelling Business Class whilst holding a fag in their hands and not taking any rent from their very grown up children who are allowed to use their parents credit card which should be for emergencies but is used for take ways, taxis when they mucked up an evening out and even a couple of times bottles of vodka to take to a party. Parents tut away and still let it go on.

I think my response would be ‘what a rude question’.

Fortunately I don’t think it’s a question I’ve ever been asked. I’ve had some moderately nosy people say ‘Was it expensive?’ to which I say ‘Depends what you call expensive’ or ‘It was worth it’ or ‘Yes, and I wouldn’t spend that on it again’.

I have a friend who smokes and so does her husband. We worked out once that the costs was coming up to £10k per year! She scoffed at me spending this on a Business class flight for 2 to Australia.

Ive been asked that.
Ive replied ' cos im fucking minted.'.
Doesnt be long shutting them up.

I have gotten the opposite; "Why don't you have a car as well?"

Knowing that only dh works and I'm a sahm and transports are great. I tell them we can't afford it and they seem bewildered. Weird.

Why would anyone say that to anyone?

DP tells people its all down to my money laundering and undercover work. Also that I play the stock market.

In truth, I make an extra £1000 a year by changing bank accounts and borrowing off credit cards at 0% to save at up to 7%.

Plus my well paid mostly WFH job is very unusual and I CBA to explain to people what it is so always get a bit shifty when people ask what I do. I've started telling people I look after the nuclear codes and have to change them every hour on the hour, which is at least in the right field.

But anyone watching me 'at work' will see me working on a lot of spreadsheets while wearing scruffy clothes because the cats ruin anything nice and I go running in the woods at lunchtime.

Tesco vouchers.

So what actually is the correct response to that question?

I'd go with 'I was brought up to believe it was rude to talk about money' or the more succinct 'mind your own business'.

When I was a pupil at a fairly expensive school in the '80s and '90s, it wasn't unusual for grandparents to pay some or even all of the fees.

My first reaction when I saw the OP was to say no-one has ever asked me that. Then I realised it wasn’t quite true.

When we retired at ages 61 and 57 from a profession which is vocational but poorly paid, we were invited round for a meal by a couple we knew slightly in the area we had just moved to. When we got there, we discovered another couple had been invited, who we didn’t know at all. All in the same profession. I would guess they were all early fifties.

They asked as how we had managed to retire so young. We answered truthfully: we had both been other work before changing in our early 40’s, and had paid into decent pensions in those; we never had kids and always lived within our income, so we had built up savings as well as pensions, and rarely touched them; DH had inherited from his parents 10 years before and had invested most of the money.

Strangely enough, once the other couples heard that we were able to do what we did because of a series of decisions made long ago which were different to the ones they had made, and there was nothing they could do to replicate our situation, we never heard from them again.

Could well be. It happens at ours also.

Actually, i confess i am looking forward to when DS1 (the one we pay for) leaves. I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself with an extra £25,000 a year!

wow those are pretty rude "friends"

Who are these people?! I have never been asked this before. Ever. Quite possibly because all my friends are minted 😆

Big fan of all the only fans answers, however I would say, I can't I pay it with credit. Or the simple but effective none of your business.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Im sorry I don’t understand why you’re asking that’

‘We have jobs where we are paid with money that can be exchanged for goods and services’.

I have a friend the moment who is the opposite--always telling me how much she earns, how she can afford things. How much savings she has. I find it tiresome and really tacky. I didn't realise how rude i would find it until someone did it. I just don't get why she needs to tell me to kind of 'validate' her. If it was me I'd just be chuffed I was doing well and not feel the need to tell everyone. I feel her bragging always makes me feel crap and its made me distance myself a bit

I agree that people are either hoping you’ll mention some kind of amazing luck you’ve had, which they haven’t, which then reassures them that you were just lucky, rather than they’ve failed to do something. Or that you will reveal some amazing tip that will transform things for them.

What they don’t like to hear, is that you are good with money and have made a series of carefully thought out decisions over lots of years and are now benefitting from that. They don’t like it, because they could have done the same….but didn’t.

As others have said, higher earners, especially dint like it when those in lower paid jobs have got bigger houses or better holidays, or their kids in private school, or retire 10 years earlier than them….because they can’t quite work out how that happened, but have a sneaky feeling that they themselves might have made some less good choices.

Of course, saying this stuff to people isn’t usually helpful. The only time I’d say this stuff is someone younger asked in a very genuine way, and might be prepared to make some of the hard choices themselves whilst young.

I’ve usually answered with something like ‘we live pretty frugally and have had some lucky timings with things like when we bought houses’. Or ‘we’ve been very careful with money’.

And of course, despite the fact that we have been good with money, there has been an element of luck. Our age meant we bought property before it became so unaffordable.we have steady jobs which don’t pay lots (never been upper rate tax payers) but have been decently paid.