How can you afford that?

[AQuestionAlways]

What’s the appropriate answer to the above?

I quite often find people ask me “how can you afford that” especially if we’ve gone on what seems like a fancier holiday.

We’re not rich but we’re not poor either. Other than saying…. With money. I’m not sure what the appropriate answer is without it seeming like I’m bragging or seeming like I’m coming across that I think we work harder than they do.

If the person asking has kids I usually say because we don’t have kids because that’s probably the truth. We’re a dual income household who are mid to high earners. We don’t save particularly hard but we have a fair bit of money left to do what we want.

But lots of our friends don’t have kids and I try to laugh it off but when they push, because we work hard, because we’re sensible with money, because we have good jobs etc seem passive aggressive. So what actually is the correct response to that question?

Why do you ask? What do you mean?

Only Fans.

Look them straight in the eye and say 'DH is a big time money launderer and I do Only Fans.'

Haha we literally both posted that at exactly the same time 😂

Invent a different, ludicrous reason you’re rolling in it each time.

‘Oh, my spirit guide told me the lottery numbers.’
’I rob banks.’
etc

'Because we save to do the things we enjoy' & swiftly change the subject.

(if they lease cars & you don't) because we bought our cars it doesn't cost us a fortune each month to rent them.

so many retorts depending on your differing circumstances & how much you want to keep the relationships!

rent v own
dining out/takeaways v home cooking

👍🏻👍🏻🤣

Great minds, or filthy ones.

Something like that 🤭

🤣👍🏻🤣

Just shrug, give a little confused look, and stutter, "well I suppose I must have enough disposable". Tinkly laugh.

I’ve had people ask if we rent our house, presumably because they can’t get their head around how we own it.

Once someone even assumed we were household staff when he realised where we lived. Asked Dh what the new owners were like! Dh said they were quite solid. 🤣 Because how else do you respond to that?

"I gave up my crack habit"
"I invented Post-Its"
"I have a side hustle as a stuntwoman"

DH gets this a lot because he’s military and most of the spouses of the people he works with don’t work or are minimum wage, he has a better standard of living than most of his bosses so it becomes a topic of conversation when he’s booking more leave, or they’re talking about houses (a common topic due to housing in the military). When asked he just says I earn a lot more than him! He quite enjoys the probing 🤣

I would be tempted to just say 'bit nosey arent ya?' 😆 Then laugh it off and change the subject.

My DH had something similar happen. We are not minted. Comfortable and solvert but not loaded. We do OK. We have a little detached cottage (with quite a big garden) in a rural village, and a 6 year old car. A holiday abroad every 2-3 years. Average dressers, nothing fancy. But he works 26 hours a week, (he was full time til 7 years ago,) and I work 20 a week. We are mortgage free. No kids at home. Both late 50s... Also, a couple of cash investments came good in the last 2 years, and so we have a decent mid 5 figures cash cushion.

This woman at his workplace said to my DH (the other week) 'me and Helen and Pat were chatting this morning, (Helen and Pat are work colleagues too,) and we can't fathom how you and Zov manage to do it.' He said 'do what?' She said 'live in a nice area, in a nice cottage, drive a nice new-ish car, go out for pub-lunches, and breakfasts, and theatre shows (local one - £8 to 15 a ticket, not London's West End!) have lots of day trips, and go abroad every other year. How do you do it on 2 part time salaries?' DH just said 'ah ha that would be telling..' She was like Annoyed that he told her nothing. That's because she had no right to know ANYthing about our finances and our life!

The more DH and I thought about it, the angrier we got. Like what the fuck?! Who do they think they are, talking about us and our finances and wanting to know how we manage to pay for everything. And sitting there in the office together (while DH wasn't there,) discussing him and me, and how on earth we afford this and that! The fucking cheek of it!

.

My husband makes big money - well, half a centimetre too big but no one can tell. Nudge nudge, wink wink

I’ve never had anyone ask how my husband and I afford our lifestyle, Possibly people wonder but nobody has ever been rude enough to ask.

We just say it’s all we spend our money on as people usually say that to us about holidays 🙄.

Presumably because you earn more than them?
Its no big secret some people earn more than others .

It’s an annoying question and people post it on mumsnet all the time too. How do people afford their cars, holidays, why can they afford to eat out etc. the answer is always the same, because they have more money. I’m not sure what people are expecting the answer to be other than that.

A rude, overly direct question deserves a similar answer. It's only happened to me once, and the "because I don't have kids" line worked perfectly.

‘Cause I budget the heck out of our money, doesn’t everyone ?’

We save.

This is what we prioritise.

Am asked this all the time. Going to say Only Fans now.

Proceeds of crime?
You are an International Blackmailer?
Small lottery win?
Inheritance after the long painful death of a much loved relative (embarrassing your interrogater)

Or say nothing.

I get this sometimes, I usually say we budget carefully and prioritise holidays over others things.
They usually say something like its still not possible so I offer to look over their finances to show them how they can Improve, this normally shuts them up 😆