Would you be annoyed if your partner didn’t help when you felt unwell?

[inkyspells]

So I normally do everything,cooking ,cleaning etc
Since yesterday I’ve had a stinking cold.
Today I woke up and normally I will Make the cups of tea in bed and bring it up to him on Sundays and I feed the cats.
This morning I asked him would he do it this once as I felt terrible.
He moaned and moaned then after a hour got up,he said he wasn’t coming back to bed ,he would Make me a cup of tea but it would be downstairs and we should get up.
Any other weekend he will lie in bed till 11.
Anyway I got up,put the washing on and made us sausage sandwiches then I hoovered (all the while having to blow my nose every 5 seconds and sneezing.
I said “can you please Make tea tonight ,it’s literally chicken in a seasoning bag with mash “
He said no he wasn’t making it,don’t be ridiculous,you only have a cold and I bet you are still going out to the shop tomorrow (i need to go to supermarket)
Anyway I got up and made tea ,whilst he’s on the sofa watching television.
Im literally cutting the chicken and my nose streaming down my face and coughing my guts up.

i was annoyed.

Would you be the same ?

I don’t think there’s any point in anyone replying to you anymore. You’re ignoring everyone and we all know that you’re going to stay with this guy. So… good luck I guess. You’re really bringing this shitty life onto yourself though.

You should always judge someone with how they treat you when you’re at your worst.

He sounds awful but then you say you made him a sausage sandwich so it’s like you enjoy being a martyr.

This would be the end of the relationship for me.

Do you have kids? If not I would just bin him off. If so I would still bin him off but more slowly.

How do you think he'd behave if you were seriously ill, god forbid? Because I think you just got a sneak preview.

More absolutely stunned and amazed than annoyed.

But obviously not if I was you, as clearly you're married to a complete twat and you've got more than a touch of martyr about you.

If that's the life you've accepted, there's very little else to say.

I hope you’ve told him to go fuck himself

What positives does he bring to your relationship?

What happens if you say no to him? You are allowing him to treat you like this.

Why do you do everything?

That in itself is totally U.

And why, for the love of god, would you stay with someone who shows you such little care?

Give yourself a gift this IWD and leave him.

i wouldn’t have done anything this weekend - no washing, cooking, etc. Why did you felt you had to?

In your shoes, I’d have got up late, made my own tea and anything I wanted to eat and gone back to bed with it. Rinse and repeat.

Thankfully, I’m not on your shoes and my husband would have offered. Neither do I normally do everything, and my husband doing his fair share isn’t ‘helping’ - household stuff is both our responsibility.

I can’t imagine why you’re still with a selfish wanker.

I would not put with this; this morning DH was up first, washed up from last night, walked & fed our dog. I had a lie in, DH is usually up early. And he does stuff without being asked, because he's an adult, with life skills that everyone should have.

Well quite. Didn't want to make OP feel worse, but my DH woke me up with a coffee on Saturday morning at about 1030 having tidied the whole house. The only thing he didn't do was hoover, because he didn't want to wake me. Because I was in bed ill, and when I say ill, I mean hungover. He hoovered while I drank the coffee!

(I would do the same for him if he was ill/hungover/ felt like a lazy day)

Like you say, he's selfish. I can't imagine being shackled to anyone like this. Life is too short for this. I hope you can find a decent man, OP. Best wishes

This.

I mean, when I'm ill, I tend to prefer being left on my own rather than fussed over, but dh would crack on and cook or whatever needed doing.

But, even in your OP you start by saying you normally do everything, so your life is so far from mine in the first place. I mean, Why ?

That's horrendous. How long have you been together?

I'm unwell as it happens and DP has spent all day doing laundry (including 2x vomited bedding courtesy of toddler) and made me a sandwich for lunch.

Imagine when you get old or develop long term health conditions...

Why are you hoovering, doing washing and cooking?

Housework can wait and take aways can be ordered.

Hes shown you how much he values you. Your future is your choice...

If i was ill I stayed in bed. What didn't get done didn't get done. But yes my husband would step up, bring me water, tea, paracetamol and see to meals etc.

Why did you need to hoover today why did you need to make a sausage sandwich, why are you cooking a chicken and why are you going food shopping tomorrow. Yes he's an arse but I'm sure you already knew that but you are making work for yourself. Miss a day of hoovering, order a takeaway, get your shopping delivered or just go in a few days when you feel better.

Maybe he has a point. I know that if I'm feeling really rough I don't have much appetite anyway and certainly wouldn't be hoovering and grocery shopping. I'd be having a duvet day.

I would be asking him to leave, permanently . How do you put up with that?

Well stop making the lazy arse a cup of tea in bed at the weekend for start. And next time he’s ill, remember what he’s said to you and repeat it back to him.

Not sure what is happening here. Is it like a costume drama? Are you the housekeeper and is he the lord of the manor? If it's your job then you had better get on with it. If this is supposed to be a relationship then you have a lot more to worry about than a stinking cold.

From now on don't do that, let him sort himself out, tell him it's just a headache.

Or you could do yourself a favour and dump this whinging, unsupportive arsehole.

If you don't change it, you're choosing it.

Why are you choosing this?

I'm not exactly sure why you're doing all this stuff. Say no and that's that. You don't have to do those things. Just go back to bed and leave him to sort himself out and then make plans to find some self worth and be with someone who values you.

Would I be annoyed? No I just wouldn’t be there.

I don’t like boring, cruel, entitled wankers, never mind love them, never mind do all their domestic chores and have sex with them.