Husband just walked in after stag weekend

[oxfordpower]

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

I wouldn’t expect my husband to leave the stag do before the rest of the party left, so if it included a brunch I’d expect him to go along to that. Equally if I was away for the weekend with my friends I wouldn’t cut it short.
If the children are old enough to play on the Xbox they’re not baby/toddler age, in which case can probably amuse themselves for At least part of the day. What specifically did you want him back early for?

So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

Presumably a the good wholesome weekend activities you did with DC were your choice. If they aren't fun for DC or you, why did you do them?

There's no need to be a martyr to be a decent parent.

So what was this " stag do"?

He is a father with young children. He isn't a " stag" and if he cares about you and his children he shouldn't be behaving like one.

Why are so many women conditioned into thinking their partners get free passes to go off and drink and womanise when they are supposedly in a committed relationship? What low expectations of their supposed life partners.

You are quite right to be angry and disgusted by your H OP. And i would be questioning how much he realll cares about his wife and family .

whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc.

DH Didn't leave till Friday lunchtime, no wonder your knackered trying to fit in a million and 1 activities!!

The brunch wasn’t everyone. Funnily enough the 3 guys who had families all got up and left early before DH woke up! So it wasn’t a big organised aspect of the weekend, just an add-on.

More importantly we agreed in advance he would get up and come back on Sunday first thing having been away Friday and Saturday.

We don’t have any wider help or grandparent support and DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

having said all that I’m hearing the general vibe here.

You are unreasonable if its a one off or just now and then. If he disappears every other weekend you may have a point.
Have a weekend away yourself.

Honestly chill out or this won't last until you are 60. I couldn't get worked up about this.

So wife's and mother's should also not go on Hen weekends? Very odd view point.

On what you’ve said only, you sound very very unhappy with your life.

try to pinpoint exactly what it is, so you can work on addressing it.

so - precisely why are you so cross? Do you not enjoy doing stuff with your children? Do you never go on a weekend away? Do you like your husband?

work out what it is precisely that’s made you so upset, because your husband being a few hours late isn’t it, then address that.

I hope this is a sarcastic post 🤣

Another one here who can’t really see what you’re so pissed off about .

Unless there’s a huge drip feed to come that he goes to a dozen stag weekends every year I dong see what he’s done wrong and i think you’re unreasonable expecting him to cut the weekend short

He’s gone away for a weekend with a group of friends, one of whom is getting married soon. The fact that it’s called a ‘stag do’ doesn’t mean he’s off ‘womanising’. Do you think men shouldn’t go away with their friends after they’re married?

Start having more. As many as he does. Live your life.

You sound a bit awful. A stag weekend would include the Sunday as far as I’d be concerned. You expected him home early Sunday? Why? 🤨

This, are your weekends always this busy or are you proving a point? What’s wrong with spending time playing Xbox? Do all activities have to be sanctioned by you?
in fact was all that done on Saturday?

DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

This is the issue, not a few hours to have brunch after a stag do. If you start a thread stating the above, you’ll get much more supportive responses.

YABU

If he was going on a weekend stag do then that's his weekend booked up anyway.

It was petty to expect him to travel back without eating too.

Yes, that’s a lot to cram into a day and a half!

The answer to your problem is to get a back bone and start doing more stuff for yourself. Just because he said it was hard work last time you went away doesn’t mean you just roll over like a good dog and accept that.

You both deserve time away from the family home as independent people and you’re being a martyr by not continuing to be an independent person and then moaning when he is doing that for himself.

He was away for the weekend, what difference would a couple of hours have made? I think you're being too hard on him unless he does this all the time.

We don’t have any wider help or grandparent support and DH is very often away overnight or for a few nights so I rarely get a break. I’ve only had one weekend away since the DC were born and he was floored by it and said it was so hard looking after them all weekend.

And this ☝ should've been in the opening post 🙄

That’s on you for being a martyr. Start living a life, go away for a few weekend and overnights a year. He can watch the kids. Why don’t you? He can be floored all he likes, but he did it so he’ll do it again.

I was became a single parent to a 2 year old and a 6 week old when I was 22, I’m now 36 and still a single parent so I honestly don’t understand what’s so difficult about looking after your kids alone. I managed it when I was barely more than a kid myself.

It's mothers day next Sunday.
Absolutely milk it op

You sound like you need a break, op. If you kids are old enough for swimming and xbox they can't be that small and your husband is being a bit wet if he's suggesting he can't cope with his own kids for 48 hours. Book yourself a break and let him manage.

It’s absolutely fine for men to have the odd weekend away with friends just as it’s equally fine for women to do the same.

It’s nothing to do with being ‘conditioned’ - couples don’t have to be joined at the hip, should have their own lives outside of their partner and should trust each other to socialise with friends.

As long as the kids are being looked after and both partners get the same freedom, then that’s absolutely norm in a healthy relationship

I’m hearing the comments. Perhaps I must be totally fed up generally with him in that case.