Husband just walked in after stag weekend

[oxfordpower]

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

And it still makes OP BU!

No I just simply don’t agree but then I wouldn’t expect my husband to rush back on the Sunday if he’s away for the weekend. But I get the impression the OP doesn’t take time away for herself and I think this is the underlying issue as she is begrudging him doing it.

I'd be cross mine didn't keep me in the loop but otherwise I'd just let him get back whenever. I'd rather he stayed safe overnight than try to get back. And Stag Dos often just go off on random tangents. I think you're being unfair that he got to have some fun. As the kids get older — or even now, get him to look after the kids for a weekend and do something you want to do.

I hear you OP. You talked about the stag weekend, agreed how it would play out and were both happy but then DH deliberately did not stick to it. I would be more annoyed by his attitude than the 2 hours of X box but I think he partly did that so he could simply avoid and ignore your ire.
He definitely needs to step up and take on more parenting; great idea for him to start with full or half days so you can finally get some downtime.
Your description of what you came home to from your only weekend away was disgraceful, blocked toilet, scribbled on walls, terrible food given out, dishes left stacked for you.
The weekend sounds pretty minor compared to his weaponised incompetence.

I don’t really get why you couldn’t cope with your weekend with the kids TBH. How old are your children and how many?

We don't know anything of the sort. Thank God women have financial freedom and childcare now in order to be free of this rubbish where we are expected to be ok with sub par males. The kids had fun with their dad is the refrain of deadbeat dad's and pick me girls the world over. Do better next time.

No, he walked in and stonewalled his partner. Personally, I would never tolerate a partner going to stag parties while I was at home with the kids. It's disrespectful. Of course, I earn enough to make that call and I expect more women will make similar decisions. There's a male loneliness epidemic ATM. Women aren't bothered by it. Men need to do better frankly. If you enter into marriage and further covenant with children of the marriage, you need to move on from drunken weekends away with the lads.

You sound fun!

You don’t like men, do you?

Not at anyone else's expense.

I’d anticipate you don’t have to turn down a lot of invites.

I don't like losers. Male, female; I don't discriminate. Just no losers.

And going to stags and hens makes someone a loser because?

You think once you have children all time away should stop because?

Not within your class of person, thank God. 😊

No, disrespecting your partner, weaponising incompetence and being a shit role model for ones own children makes a person a loser. The OP is not getting time away because he refuses to parent adequately to a general standard of competence. It's not equal. And again, women may have to endure periods like this while their children are young and dependent but they no longer have to live with it for life. Do unto others...

Calm down….

Okies, you think you’re above others?

Not surprised, you come across like that in other posts.

Wake up..

Assume whatever you like.

Ok, you sound extremely angry and bitter.

I’ll leave you to argue with yourself.

Have fun.

But if you’d agreed he’d come back Sunday morning, and the means by which he’d do so, and he just didn’t arrange it…….you’d be fine with that? Really?

I certainly expect more from my husband than to deliberately set things up to bail on an agreement we’d made rather than having a simple conversation with me. I find the bar being set here very very low indeed.

I also don’t understand the relevance of all the posters referring to single mothers - the OP isn’t one, she has a partner - and saying stupid things like ‘I coped’. The OP has coped. Where does it say she hasn’t? She’s annoyed an agreement was made and then breached. The solution to that is not for her to toughen up, or take herself on a ‘spa weekend’. The solution is for her husband to use his words if he wants to change arrangements they’ve agreed on in light of their family responsibilities.

You'll leave because there's nothing you can say to substantively support your position. You ask questions and don't like the answers. You refuse to answer logical questions to support your own views and resort to insults. There certainly is an angry little person in this exchange and that person isn't me. Good riddance to you.

Calm down…. You’re embarrassing yourself!

Get some anger therapy?

”good riddance”, you sound like my five year old DGC! How funny! 🤣

Sounds like yet another man who wanted a wife and kids but not to be a husband and father.
Book yourself a weekend away as a Mother’s Day treat OP. Then consider if you’d be better off without him. At least then he’d have to have the DC on his time…

😮You've looked after...done everything...
Isnt this what a parent does???