Husband just walked in after stag weekend

[oxfordpower]

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

I think some people are being deliberately obtuse. He wasn't just away one night and that is clear if you actually read the ops thread. He was away 3 nights and then renegades on the time he was expected back. He then did come back still later than the agreed time but did no actual parenting and was gaming with dc instead.

The stag do itself isn't the actual issue but that his set up of being away for weekends often doesn't work for your family. His inability to adequately parent without you present is causing resentment and yet rather than attempt to change he gaslights you. Whether it is weaponised incompetence who knows but if op can parent her kids without him around and keep a tidy house why can't he?

I'm not sure what the answer is here. I'd ask for relatives to have the kids so you can have a sit down chat about the future of this relationship and what is working and what isn't. I'd keep it factual and explain what the issues are from your point of view, allow him to explain his take on it and see where you can both make changes. His attitude will speak volumes. If he goes on the defensive or stops speaking to you then the relationship is dead. If he is willing to make changes and you are too then you might get somewhere.

They agreed on the plan and times before he left. He went back on it.
The men with families left and didn't go to the brunch.
He regularly goes away for days at a time. She hasn't had a day away herself since before children were born. Read all her posts, you are the one being incredibly unfair.

But you say in a later post that you fed them on McDonalds and pizza, two nights in a row?

It sounds like you had a nice weekend with your kids to yourself, I know it meant you couldn't switch off, it sounds like it was quality time just look on the bright side.

No it isn’t… it’s still missing the detail- is he away for pleasure or for work? If he’s away for work it’s no argument as he is bringing in the money

Seems like the OP I see a bit controlling if you ask me- she can’t moan about doing things for her kids when she set the agenda for the weekend with them

If you read the thread correctly you'd see he was away 2 nights and basically 1 full day. OP collected the children from school Friday night and she's moaning by first thing Sunday morning that he isn't home so she only really had them alone 2 nights and one Saturday.... and it looks like for about half that Saturday they watched TV....

@Comeinsideforacupoftea apologies. Yes it was 2 nights. I still think it isn't the stag do itself that is the big issue that the op is having. They need to talk about her resentment about his nights away whether it be for work or social and feeling like she's doing most of the child rearing.

It is so sad that we see caring for our children as such a chore.

If you've only been away once since the kids appeared and the youngest is 5, chances are he had them for the weekend when they were a fair bit younger which is naturally harder.

He fed them junk food when you went away!

Thank goodness you fed them McDonald's and pizza, far better than the junk he fed them!

Honestly you’ve looked after your children for 48 hours, what a fuss!

You have your own time away, what’s the big deal.

Handmaid's are out in force on this one.

Why because we think a parent should be able to look after their child alone for a couple of days?

Honestly, can you imagine if a man insisted his wife left early from a hen weekend because he couldn’t cope with his children?

You sound so controlling that I’m surprised he came back at all.

I would be really pissed off if my husband made me leave a weekend away with my friends early because he couldn’t cope with the school aged kids alone!

Yes bloody people not reading the OP properly! Really irritating, isn’t it?

If you go back and read again, you’ll see he was away two nights!

So before you give others a hard time for their views, based on the correct information, do listen to your own advice!

Yep! You and me both!

Do you understand what a stag do actually is? The OP’s husband was in the countryside with a soon to be groom and some other friends- not in Amsterdam shagging sex workers.
Stag dos can be anything. My husband’s was go carting and a meal; my brother’s was canyoning in Wales, and staying in teepees-at the same place I had my 40th.
‘The type of people’ who go on them are the ones who are friends and family of a groom, not debauched hedonists!

@Comeinsideforacupoftea apologies. Yes it was 2 nights. I still think it isn't the stag do itself that is the big issue that the op is having. They need to talk about her resentment about his nights away whether it be for work or social and feeling like she's doing most of the child rearing.

And moaned about what I fed them but feeds them McDonald’s and pizza!

I love your username. I’m from Lancashire and a butter pie lover! 😋

This! Imagining how all the single parents reading this thread are feeling...

I think yabu. If my dh or I were away for a weekend break thats 3 hours away I wouldn’t expect them back before late afternoon/ early evening.
your weekend with your dc sounds lovely, and they’re not babies. Book yourself a weekend away and have a break.

@Itstimeforachangeagain the point is that the OP and her DH had an agreement and he broke the agreement effectively putting her and their family second and just thinking of himself which is not ok regardless of whether it's a stag party or any other event. If he wanted to stay for the brunch and not leave early on the Sunday then he shouldn't have agreed to it.

Then why did he promise to be back if he had no intention of coming back?

If the OP promised to he back and then carried on her jolly, I could guarentee her husband would have had things to say about it.

Which seems to be the bit everyone's missing with their poor boy, let him have his fun shit.

But he did come back! He was back by 3pm, it was a 3 hour train with obviously the time either side to get home. He generally got up, got ready and planned to get back. The he only thing he was going to do is eat breakfast with everyone before he got the train, it’s hardly that unreasonable.

I think OP just wanted to moan. I suspect she’s one of these women who never plans things for herself while moaning about not getting to do it.
He arrived back mid afternoon and was playing with the kids for hours, not OP begrudges the method. It’s okay for her to have the kids watching movies and eating junk but she crucifies her DH for the same.

That's the point. As she said, she has NO time away! Only he does.