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Original poster

Husband just walked in after stag weekend

457 replies

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:00

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

OP posts:
AlmostObvious · 09/03/2026 18:48

I wouldn't put up with my husband dictating I need to leave 9am on a Sunday if I'm away with friends whether it's a hen do or just a girls weekend. Why couldn't he have a nice brunch with his friends? I'd say you sound quite controlling. Leave the man to enjoy his weekend away.

Donsyb · 09/03/2026 18:53

arethereanyleftatall · 08/03/2026 16:05

Just read the thread, at least her updates, it’s really not that hard. And what you will see is that she doesn’t get a turn. Because he is a useless parent. Rendering yours, and half the other ‘chill out’ comments, completely pointless.

do you guys sit in meetings and respond to a point made an hour ago, when everyone else has moved on to the next topic?

Show quote history

But she lets him be a useless parent! She needs to arrange more time for her and then if she comes back to a mess, leave him to sort it out. He’ll learn.

Never going anywhere and then being a martyr about it isn’t going to fix the actual
problem.

FourNaanJeremy · 09/03/2026 19:12

OP if your frustration is coming from never getting a break or any time to yourself, meanwhile DH has many overnights and weekends away, then you really need to address that issue.
Because agreeing that he must come back first thing Sunday because you’ve been solo parenting all weekend is unreasonable.

Is it your choice to never go away for weekends? You say he was ‘floored’ but it is only fair for you to get a break too, I’m sure he can manage without you for a night or two. They are his children too at the end of the day.

Do you never even have the odd day at the weekends where he takes the kids out and you do something nice for yourself - get your hair done or go for lunch with a friend? Even if you do things like that, little and often, it makes a world of difference to feeling like you’re not just ‘give give give’ all the time.

The resentment in the relationship will just grow if you don’t redress the balance now.

Homewithcheesecrisps · 09/03/2026 19:14

I think there might be more to this...somethibg esle you haven't liked to say or explain. Some resentment maybe?
Do you trust him?
Or are you frustrated that he hasnt prioritsed you and your little one for the weekend?
Do you get to do things for ypurself a bit too? Are u maybe a bit ground down with life?
DH probably regressed to a 20 year old or late teen when he was with his mates. My dh who is a fairly measured person acts like a wally sometimes🙄
I expext your ds was drinking, messing about and just lost all sense of time and responsibility.
Maybe it woukd do u good to get a chnage of scenery too.
Also, your dh didnt communicate well enough. Next time, make it much clearer.
Dont fall out over it x

Gowlett · 09/03/2026 19:15

Did I read this wrong, or did he have a 4 hour taxi ride? How much? Just to come home, and play PlayStation? I’d rather he had brunch & got the train home…

MNdrama · 09/03/2026 19:17

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 15:00

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

"swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc."

This genuinely sounds more fun than just playing xbox

Pretty sad how you somehow think he's the fun parent. Might be worth looking into

SandyLanes · 09/03/2026 19:24

Wow. You’re seriously unreasonable OP. Give the man a break!

MNdrama · 09/03/2026 19:26

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 08/03/2026 16:25

So you took them swimming after school then to eat fast food so didn’t cook.

Walked with them and went to the park… then watched films and TV and ate another meal you didn’t really cook.

Then took them to a party and baked.

Yeah… sounds really exhausting.

Show quote history

So true, so true

JuliettaCaeser · 09/03/2026 19:27

Have an awful feeling I’m this DH in our marriage. DH is very forbearing thankfully!

SandyLanes · 09/03/2026 19:34

Itstimeforachangeagain · 08/03/2026 15:12

So what was this " stag do"?

He is a father with young children. He isn't a " stag" and if he cares about you and his children he shouldn't be behaving like one.

Why are so many women conditioned into thinking their partners get free passes to go off and drink and womanise when they are supposedly in a committed relationship? What low expectations of their supposed life partners.

You are quite right to be angry and disgusted by your H OP. And i would be questioning how much he realll cares about his wife and family .

This is one of the funniest responses I’ve read in a while. So once settled down, no one should go on a weekend with their mates? Weird.

NotMajorTom · 09/03/2026 19:36

AlmostObvious · 09/03/2026 18:48

I wouldn't put up with my husband dictating I need to leave 9am on a Sunday if I'm away with friends whether it's a hen do or just a girls weekend. Why couldn't he have a nice brunch with his friends? I'd say you sound quite controlling. Leave the man to enjoy his weekend away.

it’s mumsnet. He’d be controlling if he did that.

op however is fine and he’s the arse for not being controlled

Noodles1234 · 09/03/2026 19:37

He chose to miss out on brunch, come home to you asap and now you’re not talking to him?
I appreciate you’re exhausted, but this sounds unfair on him, you must have understood the remit? He sounds very chill, have a few moment of calm, and refresh.

carly2803 · 09/03/2026 19:41

oxfordpower · 08/03/2026 16:14

Thanks. I feel like lots of people have just skim read the OP and not the whole thread. My fault guess for drip feed.

i don’t think the weekend was overkill. It went like this:
Friday- school pick up 3pm
swimming
macdonalds

Saturday - play date in the park
followed by nature walk
home for toys play / cartoons all afternoon
movie night with pizza

Sunday morning party
baking

my DC are crazy energetic types so being sat around all day doesn’t work

Show quote history

kindly, get a grip.
Go away for a long weekend by yourself - do a spa weekend etc whatever

People do this solo parenting thing all the time - give the man a break!

Trainup · 09/03/2026 19:55

Would he look after the kids while you go away for a break? If yes you are being unreasonable to limit his time away

Dinkydash · 09/03/2026 19:57

There's more going on here than a weekend stag party.

He can't manage his own transport and walks in like king of the manor to play games on a screen and refuses to communicate when you've basically accommodated his social life the whole weekend.

Is he generally useless and emotionally dead? They don't change. Start making plans for independence and don't have more children.

BlimeyOReillyO · 09/03/2026 20:04

Dinkydash · 09/03/2026 19:57

There's more going on here than a weekend stag party.

He can't manage his own transport and walks in like king of the manor to play games on a screen and refuses to communicate when you've basically accommodated his social life the whole weekend.

Is he generally useless and emotionally dead? They don't change. Start making plans for independence and don't have more children.

What a load of rubbish! I wouldn’t communicate with OP either, she sounds insufferable! And the kids enjoyed their time with dad.

She can go away for the weekend, no one is stopping her!

Flamingosrule · 09/03/2026 20:05

johntorodesfatcheeks · 08/03/2026 15:04

Not sure what the problem is to be honest. I thought you were going to say he’d come back home pissed still or admitted to having shagged someone else or done coke.
why did you micromanage the whole cab booking and time he came home like he was your kid?

This!

FourNaanJeremy · 09/03/2026 20:11

Dinkydash · 09/03/2026 19:57

There's more going on here than a weekend stag party.

He can't manage his own transport and walks in like king of the manor to play games on a screen and refuses to communicate when you've basically accommodated his social life the whole weekend.

Is he generally useless and emotionally dead? They don't change. Start making plans for independence and don't have more children.

The way I read it, OP nagged about his transport as she had decided what time he needed to be home by. DH clearly didn’t want to come home first thing so hadn’t booked the transport that she wanted him to.

Did he walk in like lord of the manor? Or did he get in and the kids were having their 2 hours screen time on Sunday afternoon so he joined in with them because he wanted to spend some time with them after being away? Surely at this point he ‘takes over’ with the kids and she gets a bit of ‘me’ time.

And finally, if I had got in at a reasonable time after a pre planned weekend away to have my partner be cross with me and have a load off at me for being later than she wanted, despite ditching the brunch because she said I had to, I’d be quite fed up too.

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 09/03/2026 20:31

Chill out

Twobigbabies · 09/03/2026 20:39

You need to plan more time away yourself. Are there any evening hobbies you'd like to take up? Jogging/tennis/book club? Plan a weekend spa day with a friend. He will get better at solo parenting the more he does it. Make sure he knows your expectations before you leave- house should be reasonably tidy on your return, 2x loads of washing done and hung out, no pen on walls, teeth brushed, one junk meal, no sweets. Write a list!

Cosyreader1 · 09/03/2026 21:15

I think people are being very unfair and missing the point. You weren't bothered he went away, it's that you had an agreement about his return and he didn't stick to it. You'd already had full responsibility of the kids for the weekend so was probably looking forward to him taking over for a bit when he got back. And I could be wrong, but I'm guessing it maybe goes a little beyond that, as in you do more overall and don't get much of a break, whilst he gets to be carefree and have some regular time to himself, so the least he could do is come back as agreed.

MaddestGranny · 09/03/2026 21:37

I apologise in advance that I have skipped and skimmed over this from OP's initial post. What I've gleaned, however, is that OP is in a relationship where the parameters have turned out to be not what she thought she'd signed up for.

I think this happens a lot. When the "OP" person begins to wise up there are/may be a couple of DCs in the picture. Which means "OP" (obviously) can't just walk away.

In this case I would be wondering if there was some sort of under-riding addiction going on in the situation.Is the DH/DP a bit of an alchoholic? It's so common.
There is something underneath all this. OP needs to work out what it is.

Buffs · 09/03/2026 23:58

I’d have let him stay for brunch.

HortiGal · 10/03/2026 00:15

@MaddestGranny certainly living up to your name! Maybe you should read and not skim, how the feck have you leapt to is he an addict?? That some twisting of an OP!

SnowyRock · 10/03/2026 00:23

Oh come on.. why not let him have brunch? If hes generally hands off and youre worn out then book yourself a weekend away soon.

If you dont have any friends to do that with then started prioritising making time to build relationships with some evenings or lunches getting to know other mums.

Its sad that his down time has been ended with that stress and guilt rather than coming home happy to see you.
If you're angry because you dont get to do that then that needs resolving, but the answer is you getting time to yourself too, not keeping him on a strict curfew.