Husband just walked in after stag weekend

[oxfordpower]

He left Friday lunchtime for a weekend around 3 hrs away. Young DC whom I’ve looked after all weekend doing swimming, play dates, party, nature walk, baking etc. We agreed husband would get up on Sunday and come straight back, and we realised he’d need to book a minicab to the train station as the stag do was in the middle of the countryside. I kept asking if he had booked the mini cab and he hadn’t but said he was aware.

Then this morning at 9 he texts he’s going for a shower and that he’s going for brunch at 11. I was like WTAF?! To brunch!

He said he couldn’t find any local cab companies able to come out earlier. I sent him some links and eventually he found one , so got picked up at 11 (skipped the brunch I presume) and finally arrived back home just now.

He asked how I was and I said cross. He is now refusing to speak as he said I’ve misunderstood his text messages but when I ask for clarity he says I’m not speaking now as I’m too cross to explain.

He’s now playing Xbox with DC who are allowed 2hrs on a Sunday afternoon. So I’ve done all the ferrying and hands on activities with them he gets to come home and chill out on the sofa playing Xbox and DC think fun Dad is back.

God the poor guy went on his pals stag weekend and for that has been branded a lord of the manor / drug addict / alcoholic stripper watcher!

DH has been on several non pervy stags as he and his friends are just not like that. I’m not naive an exs make friends were absolutely filthy so it can go either way.

Lighten up

I would never have expected my DH to come back when I demanded, hardly like stag parties are very weekend. And tbh if you can't manage your kids for a weekend please feel free I've got 8 and we have many weekends successfully especially right now as my dh mum in a bad way with cancer so he stays at hers at weekends and will continue to until she passes. The only thing I will say when I go away odd weekends with my sister's DH does a good job of tidying as always seems tidy when I get back however I wouldn't necessarily expect it aslong as the kids are happy, clean and fed as woman can quite often juggle all the family balls better lol

yabu

What about the fact that he seems to resent looking after his own children? If you read all of OP's replies, you would have seen that he takes off regularly for days at a time, leaving her to basically be a sole parent and she hasn't had a day away herself since before the children were born. This weekend was clearly the straw that broke the camel's back. He doesn't want to parent his own children.

This thread is an absolute fricken joke! First she's controlling, now she is passive and 'lets' him be a useless parent. Who can keep up.

If you read all of OP's replies, you would have seen that he takes off regularly for days at a time, leaving her to basically be a sole parent and she hasn't had a day away herself since before the children were born. This weekend was clearly the straw that broke the camel's back. He doesn't want to parent his own children.

She's not allowed to go away for a weekend by herself, that's the problem. He doesn't give her a break! Read all her replies.

Um, she CAN'T go away. That's the whole point.

I also think people are missing the fact that the men with families left before the brunch. So all the other men did the right thing. However OP's husband did not.

People have missed that. The stags with families did not stay for brunch.

Time for you to have a weekend sway. It won’t hurt for the kids to have junk food for a couple of days.

He was away on a planned stag weekend shame you spoilt it for him at the end being stroppy. It sounds like no one will meet your standards.
. .

Your resentment is shouting out and youngest being 5 they can play on their own for an hour .
It is give and take and your husband did jump into dad mode if he was on the xbox with your children .
You then could go and have a break it's parenting it's what we do.
Stag do's arnt every weekend I do think give & take both sides is healthy I'd refrain from sending him links for cabs he isn't one of your children.
A bit of brunch then home would it of made a huge difference I'd think about the bigger picture and try not let your resentment spill over when it's only a stag do of one of his friends.

Actually she didn’t say that, she said the one time she did she wasn’t happy with the parenting her DH did. The house was messy and he fed the kids junk food … while they had a weekend of McDonald’s, pizza and junk with OP so I’m not she’s she entirely had a point.

Where has she said she’s not allowed? And why does she need his permission?

Nope didn’t miss it. Think it’s ridiculous they “had” to leave.

Controlling behaviour red flag

Why is it ‘the right thing’, and who is the judge of what is right and wrong in these scenarios?
If I was away for the weekend with friends and my husband told me I had to get up and leave before brunch because he couldn’t cope with our school aged children for a weekend, I’d say no.

If I went on a hen do or any other weekend with my friends when the kids were young my husband would literally say don’t rush back, take your time, have fun. But then I would do the same to him. I wouldn’t care what the “other” fathers are doing or what time they left as I wouldn’t compare my family set up to theirs. Maybe that’s because my husband did a lot when home so we were a partnership. Even if not away he would encourage me to have a day out with friends. We both felt the other deserved their “time off” parent duties rather than being resentful towards one another. I think the OP is resentful because she feels he doesn’t pull his weight the rest of the time otherwise why begrudge him having a bit of time with his mates.

Stop whining. It's only one weekend.

RTFT!

Honestly your thread policing is really quite dull. You seem to think that the only reason people would possibly disagree with the OP (and you!) is because we haven’t read the thread.
Well I have, and I still think that in this situation the OP is BU.

Also sometimes parents take a different view to other parents and it’s not “wrong”.

Remember when our kids about 9
we all planned to see another friend play in their band. Then the majority of the other mums pulled out because our kids would have just got back from a 3 day residential a few hours before the gig. Didn’t even occur to
me that would mean I needed to stay at home that evening! So I didn’t - though most of my friends did. No one was wrong or right

Complete herd mentality here OP. You’re not being unreasonable. People just pile on sometimes. If the first two answers had supported you, everyone else would too. Classic Mumsnet. Your husband sounds irritating. You agreed when he’d be back and not only did he not do that but he told you in a casual, pass agg way that he was off to brunch!

I think I’m in the minority here but I dont think you are being unreasonable. If he agreed he would come back early on Sunday to spend the day with you and the kids and then didn’t bother, I don’t think that’s fair. He’s moved the goal posts on you last min and given you expectations it sounds like he had no intention to follow through on. I’d be a bit pissed off too. That said I don’t think him going to a stag do or staying for brunch on the Sunday would have been a big deal if he had told you that’s what his plans were.

nope! I just think OP is BU.

No herd mentality here!